Pure Gonzo Engineering

Sunday, January 29, 2006

A Swallow not a Sparrow... Stupid Pirates of the Caribbean

Image hosting by Photobucket

Image hosting by Photobucket

Labels: ,

Tuesday, January 24, 2006

The business of Childbirth: Part Two

The numbers are in ladies and gentlemen. The final cost of having a baby as an Opposite of Dog employee with plan A (They give us a choice of plans, yeah right! It's more like: do you want to be fucked in the ass with the 7-inch or the 12-inch dildo?):

$1029.81 Total out of my pocket expense

That's $4372.15 for Mom.

And an additional $1926.00 for baby.

So 1029.81 is about 1.6% of my salary. Now say the Supreme Overlord of Opposite of Dog were to incur the same expense due to, I don't know, having a hangnail surgically removed. It would be .03% of his salary since he makes 2.54 million dollars. That's not including his capital gains from his stock options. All you Opposite of Dog employees should take a look at how much the corporate officers make on a monthly basis from stock option sales . (It's public information)

I would think it would open your eyes to how much these people care about money, and how little they really care about you and your family. It's in the millions (nearly every month). Yet they want us to help reduce the company healthcare costs by paying our own money, to improve the bottom line, to make the stock go up, so they can make more bloody money. We are making them money and losing our own in the process. How much is enough? Am I the only one who gets mad about these things?

"America touts itself as the land of the free, but the number one freedom that you and I have is the freedom to enter into a subservient role in the workplace. Once you exercise this freedom you've lost all control over what you do, what is produced, and how it is produced. And in the end, the product doesn't belong to you. The only way you can avoid bosses and jobs is if you don't care about making a living. Which leads to the second freedom: the freedom to starve." -Tom Morello former guitar player of Rage Against the Machine

Still haven't given a new baby gift? There's still time!.

Labels: ,

Monday, January 23, 2006

“It wouldn’t be a hockey game if one of us didn’t get punched”

Played some hockey last night at 9:30, a late game. We played against the dreaded orange team that has big fat Roast Beef on it. God I hate that kid. It was a pretty fast paced game, and I got tired fast since we only had one line of subs. We ended up losing 5-3. Our goalie wasn’t stopping anything that went 5-hole.

On another note

Can you believe the nerve some people have when they’re on the internet:

What the fuck is this bitches problem? It takes a real big asshole to insult someone’s newborn child on-line. That’s the real problem with the Internet; it turns people into know-it-all dick heads who are willing to say anything since there are no repercussions for their actions.

If you're going to write some derogatory shit at least have the decency to leave your number or email address. If I write bad shit on someone’s blog or online, I leave a link to my own blog, or an email address. Take some fucking responsibility and stand by whatever opinion you have.

Un-fucking-believable, so if you get a chance, leave a comment under my baby and tell Ginger what a ignorant, tacky bitch she is.

Labels: ,

Thursday, January 19, 2006


Jenny T’s comment on my last post about how people with their cell phones think they are super important and have to answer them wherever they are got me thinking.

We all believe that we’re important, special snowflakes in this life. We’re told we are. We’re all unique, and extraordinary, just like our fingerprints.

My son was just born, which was extremely significant for me. It was a milestone in my life. Was it really all that important though in the cosmic scheme of things? Not really. It happens all the time, everywhere. The planets kept spinning, the universe kept expanding. Just like when we die. Life keeps going. The universe doesn’t care.

What I do, doesn’t mean anything.

A scary, yet liberating thought.

A “fuck-it” attitude, if you will.

I had to take a sociology class in college to fulfill my ethnic studies requirement. I really didn’t want to, but the teacher was really good, and we had to read his book about homeless people in Chicago who he studied over the course of several years. He said they ended up having a “fuck-it” attitude towards life because they had been dealt such a difficult hand, and were having trouble coping with life. They knew their actions didn’t mean anything in the scheme of the city they lived in, so they did whatever.

As a middle class citizen I think I’m about 50% “fuck-it” and 50% still worrying about what I do and what I accomplish. Maybe 25%, 75%, but that’s just semantics.

Should I get more tattoos: Fuck-it, why not?

Should I have a baby at 24 when most people now are waiting till they are in their late 20’s or early 30’s: Fuck-it, why not?

I’ll enrich my now because the universe around me doesn’t give a fuck if I’m here, or not.


Wednesday, January 18, 2006

Holy Shit

So my wife took Carter in for his first office Pediatrician visit. He weighed 8lb 3 ounces when we left the hospital. Babies lose some weight from when they are born and the first few days. Today he weighed 8lb 14 ounces. In five days he gained 11 ounces. Apparently the average weight gain for 0-4 month olds is 5-7 ounces per week. He’s really packing on the pounds. Mama’s milk must be good stuff.

Anyway, I own a cell phone and I like it. It’s convenient and I don’t have to have a landline to be bothered by telemarketers with. I think that etiquette and fashion are worse off though as a result of the damn things. At Opposite of Dog the fashion retarded (there are a lot of them) wear their cell phones on their belts. I just toss mine in a desk drawer and maybe check it at lunch and then grab it when I leave. Do you really need to have your cell phone on your belt ready to answer some stupid ass call? These dickheads don’t even have the common decency to turn them to vibrate during meetings. The shit rings and they make a bunch of noise getting up and leaving. I had my phone on me when my wife was around the time she was going to give birth. You should only have to have your cell on you at work and be willing to answer it at any time if you have a life or death situation going on in your life. PERIOD!
Should I get an old school horseshoe or a swallow tattoo with Carter’s name in a banner? I don’t know. I’m kind of torn.


Sunday, January 15, 2006

"You guys!....Do you know where I can find the clitoris?" "The what?" "Is that like finding Jesus or something?"

Ah, my first night of sleeping with a baby in the room. I think I ended up getting about 7.5 hours of sleep since I really can't do anything when he's feeding. I played hockey last night since my mother-in-law is here and helping us out.

Those Peoria Firefighters are still such assholes. They've got a couple ringers on their team and they brought their cheap ass game again. We were beating them 4-3 in the second, but they started to pull away and we ended up losing 8-6. Their goalie is insane, he slashed one of our guys like five times and punched another guy in the throat with his catcher and didn't get ejected. This league is so fucked. It was still fun, I got to stretch my legs after being in the hospital for three days.

But yeah... Everyone always says that the birth of your child is one of the most amazing things in the world, it's like finding Jesus or something. It really was an incredible, emotional experience. That was more relative to the fact that my wife was going through this amazing physical labor, which was so intense to be involved in, and then it just climaxed into this screaming birth of my son. It didn't really make me believe more or less in some sort of higher power. I'm not all that blown away that I was able to play some part in his creation. Maybe that's the generation Y in me, but I do still love him unconditionally. Whenever I close my eyes I can see his face, and whenever I hold him it's perfect. Right now nothing else matters but him. I still like tattoos (I'm going to get one in his honor, your child's name is the only name you can get tattooed on you since they're always yours), and I'm still a liberal, and I still like all the bad things I used to like. He's just on the top of the list now.

Labels: ,

Friday, January 13, 2006

Carter Isaac

Image hosted by Photobucket.com

Carter Isaac
Born 1-12-06 9:45 PM
8lbs 8 oz
20.5 inches long

Image hosted by Photobucket.com

About 5 min old with a tired proud mom (no pain meds used at all!)

Image hosted by Photobucket.com

Me and the boy


Thursday, January 12, 2006

It's begun...

There will be a baby in the next 48 hours or so. My wife began passing some blood and went to the hospital. Everything is cool, but they won't let her leave until she has a baby now. Just stopped back home to grab a few esentials for the long haul.

Keep you all updated as things happen

Labels: ,

Wednesday, January 11, 2006

"A natural street freak, just eating whatever came by."

We bought a scale several days ago so I’ve been tracking my weight throughout the hours of the day. My weight has fluctuated between 172 and 178 pounds. I think my fighting weight is right at 200 but I just can’t seem to put it on.

I decided to find out how many calories I take in on a typical day. It’s after lunch and I’m already up to 2069 calories for the day. I’d guess that I’ll eat another 1500 before the end of the day. 3600 calories a day and I can’t get to 200 pounds. What the hell?

We’ve decided that if the boy doesn’t come by Friday, he’s getting evicted.


Monday, January 09, 2006

Waiting for my…

No baby yet. He’s pretty smart. No rush to get into this cruel world.

Anyway. I had a pretty busy weekend. It was really nice, something like 50° and sunny. I changed the oil in my car on Saturday. It was nice to do something manly since I cleaned and did laundry on Sunday. We also took down the Christmas lights on Saturday. It’ll be kind of sad not coming home to their glow at night.

I’m listening to that new System of a Down track Hypnotize as I type this. There’s something about that Armenian rock that is hypnotic and melodic.

I played hockey on Sunday night. It was good. We won something like 9-2 or 10-3, I don’t remember exactly. I didn’t have any goals, but I did have a couple assists.

I don’t really consider myself very strong. I’m really kind of wiry at 6’3” 175. Last night though I was able to really manhandle the guys on the other team. I can remember four times when I either wrestled a guy down or just skated through someone. I do have excellent balance on my skates though, so if I do get tied up with someone I’m not going to fall before they do.

I’m exhausted today. It’s been about 3 weeks since I’ve played, and it felt like it too.

Labels: ,

Thursday, January 05, 2006

Stupid Internet Games

Steve from Steve's Blog “Tagged” me. Apparently this is some sort of internet fun thing people do where you list five random facts about yourself and then “Tag” some other people and it just keeps going.

I think internet-blog games are kind of gay, but I also thought blogging was stupid and gay when I started so I guess I’ll participate.

Fact #1: I went to Cuba for my honeymoon: No not really, but if I had gone I would have flown to Nassau first. It would have had a terrible international terminal, not the US terminal, but the other international terminal for all the other international destinations, I.E. Cuba. If I had gone, which I didn’t, I would have flown from Nassau to Cuba via Air Cubana on a piece of shit Russian plane known as a Yak . Right before take off, the plane would have started to spew out this whitish condensation-like smoke from under one of the seats. I would have thought that this was some sort of antiquated cabin pressurization system, but it still would have scared the hell out of me.

Upon arriving I would have found out that Cuba isn’t a hellhole, land of evil communists that I was taught up to point in my life. I would have also found out that everyone has a home in Cuba, not necessarily a good home, but no one sleeps on the streets, and no one goes without food, and no one goes without health care. Which, by the way, is the BEST of any Latin American country.

I would have spent a few days in Havana taking in the city culture and then I would have spent a few days in Veradero soaking up the sun on a white sand beach.

Then I would have flown home on via Nassau on a prop-plane flown by a dude who had a handle bar mustache who looked like a carny.

If I had gone, which I didn’t, I would have brought back some cigars, rum, T-shirts, and local art.

That’s what I would have done.

Fact #2: I won an invention competition at the University of Wisconsin Madison. I invented a new tattoo machine. I didn’t actually have a functional prototype, but I did get fourth place and $1000. You can read more about it Here and Here

Fact #3 I’ve seen Marilyn Manson live in concert 3 times: once in Madison, once in Milwaukee, and once at Ozz-fest in East Troy. He puts on a fucking awesome rock show. It’s one of the many reasons I’m going deaf at age 24.

Fact #4 I was a nerdy-geek in High School. I didn’t always have all these tattoos. I didn’t always mess people up in hockey, and wasn’t always a “Bad Mother Fucker” like my wallet states. (Seriously my wife bought me one, I’ll put a picture up some time). I was in marching band, and the science club. I wasn’t in any organized sports, got a 30 on my ACT (out of 36 most people get a 21, I think a 30 is two or three standard deviations from the average), played video games all the time, never drank, never had sex (close but not quite), and I think I ended up finishing in the top 1% of my high school graduating class of around 500.

Fact #5 My Arch enemies are the following people

Steve Stevenoski: My Senior Physics teacher at Lincoln High School. He was/is a fucking dick, and he cost me a full ride scholarship. He knows almost nothing about physics, and if he does he has no way of imparting this knoweledge to his students. On our first day he told us that he got a B in thermodynamics over the summer at UW-Stevens Point so he was going to make our lives terrible because he was pissed. I made sure to send him a copy of my transcript when I graduated UW-Madison and got an AB in Thermodynamics to let him know I was smarter than he was. Worst Teacher EVER.

Ray “Scout” Heyroth: It’s a long story of why I hate him and would knock-him-the-fuck out if I ever saw him again.

The management of Opposite of Dog: I just have a problem with authority and hypocrites.

Ummm I guess I'll tag: Chris Trost and Canine Crazy

Labels: ,

Tuesday, January 03, 2006

"They bought it"

Image hosted by Photobucket.com

I shouldn't have titled the post that, but it was nice to see upon coming back to work.


Monday, January 02, 2006

Fear of Death, Fear of Life

I’m awake now and I should be asleep. I have to go to work tomorrow, but I can’t sleep. I’ve been staying up until 2 am and later the past week not having to be at work. It’s been nice sleeping 12 hours a day.

The fear is still rising up in me. Over break it hit me 3-5 times. The drugs don’t stop it. They make me less anxious overall, but they don’t take away the panic I feel. If anything the drugs have compartmentalized my brain and made the fear more accessible. I had it locked away and behind bars. Now it’s just in the D section under Death: Fear of. That’s right before debauchery: dealings of; and right after Dad: You are going to be one in 10 days or less.

Image hosted by Photobucket.com
That’s just what’s keeping me up though. ( I dig that picture, that's why I put it in a post again, and it fits.)

On a lighter note, New Year’s was fun. Ever since I had mono for the year 2000 switch, I’ve gotten as drunk as possible on New Year’s Eve, usually followed by debauchery: dealings of.

This year wasn’t really any exception. We went to one of my wife’s co-workers parties. I haven’t drank in quite a while, and since I’m on the drugs, the affects of the alcohol were magnified. It felt good. He who makes a beast of himself… and all that.

Now I’m less than 9 hours away from Conservative hell. I don’t get to be who I am. I guess I’m a whore in that way. I just work for the money. I do like what I do. I just don’t like the environment. Like I’ve said before, if I ever was independently wealthy, I’d start a tattoo parlor, because there isn’t a cooler place in the world than a tattoo shop.

Maybe I’ll be able to go to sleep now. My wife is going to bed too. It’s easier to sleep when someone you’ve been sleeping with for some 6 years is there.

Labels: ,