Pure Gonzo Engineering

Friday, March 30, 2007

March Madness!

This last weekend in March, a very special event in sport will play out that I think we all know and think will be amazing. It will pit man against man in a winner take all extravaganza.

That’s right everyone, it’s time for the Championship game in The Peoria C Division AHL (Adult Hockey League)!!

This year it will be the Black team from the winner’s bracket of the double elimination tournament vs. my team, the Orange team, coming back after losing their first game to black and then winning the loser’s bracket.

We’ll need to win both games in a double header against black to take the Division Title. Black isn’t a strong team. The only reason they beat us in the first game was because they had a substitute goalie that wasn’t even registered with the league. We’re out for revenge now. We’ve got the better team, and the deeper bench to win the consecutive games.

Unfortunately the games are on Saturday so I won’t be getting my “Battle in the Deep” tattoo of the sperm whale fighting the squid. That’s going to have to wait until Friday the 13th of April now. Kalib has got himself a nice following of customers now, which unfortunately makes it difficult to find time for an appointment.

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Wednesday, March 21, 2007

Patent Pending

I’ve been busting ass at work lately. We’ve got 4 days left until our designs have to be done for our next build.

Last night I was so exhausted that I went to bed with Carter at 8:00 and didn’t get up until he got up at 6:30. It felt good.

It looks like my hard work is going to pay off with getting my name on a patent for something I helped design for this machine. It’s pretty cool, even though any jackass with some money can patent whatever whacked out idea they want. I’ll get $100 from Opposite of Dog and a cool plaque. I can also walk around and say I hold a patent for my designs.

I went to talk to my tattoo artist Kalib today to set up an appointment to get my “Battle Under the Sea” tattoo of a sperm whale fighting a giant squid. It’s going to be tits, and painful. The last part of my left arm that is large enough for a big piece is my inner bicep. I don’t think it’s going to be kittens and puppies when I get it done. My left arm sleeve will almost be done then. All I’ll need to do is fill in the spaces with small stuff. Small stuff being the size stuff most people get for their first tattoo. I’ll be getting the work done on the 31st, and you’ll be the first ones to see pictures.

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Monday, March 19, 2007

The Quick and the Dreaming

Last night I dreamt I was back in Wisconsin Rapids and for some reason I had to kill someone old west gunslinger style at the elementary school I went to, in the rain. Don’t know who the person was, couldn’t see his face. The detail in the dream of the preparation I did for the gunfight was strange. The grabbing of the holster, the placing of each bullet in the gun, the placement of the holster and gun. The actual gunfight itself played out in Matrix style slow motion. I kept thinking I should be feeling like I was being shot, and that the guy should be dying as I shot him, but neither was happening in the dream.

We lost our hockey game on Saturday; we picked a bad time to start sucking. The playoffs start at the end of the month. I almost had a Gordy Howe hat trick. I got the goal, and the penalty(some say a fight for the Gordy Howe hat trick but a penalty is just as good in our league), no assist though.

I also got to spend a good portion of the weekend talking to “Jon” in India for tech support on my wireless router. (God I hate wireless). Anyway, most people get all cheesed off having to talk to people in India for basically anything you call large companies for these days. I don’t have this problem. Opposite of Dog has also gone around the globe to get Indian engineers. I’m used to interacting with Indian dudes who usually have considerably worse fluency in English than the people you have to deal with on tech support hotlines. “Jon” helped me out and got my network working swimmingly. Personally I’d rather just call him by his real name, whether it be Senthilkumar, Vivek, Nimalan, or whatever.

Now a little Hysteria for you...

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Wednesday, March 14, 2007

Grab the keys

Clear warm night…

Just need to drive and get my head clear.

Damn I love this five speed.

Push it to it’s limits, don’t think, act.

Who else is out at 11:00 on a Tuesday night?

Foot off the gas, clutch in, shift, let up and feel it engage easing into the gas

I don’t know what to do…

Are you there God, it’s Lawryde…

Match the revs and downshift into a corner

I’m no saint either…

Slow down, don’t need to get pulled over

There’s no place like home

Strange ending to a strange night

Although much more enjoyable than expected

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Monday, March 12, 2007

85 in 300

My lovely wife and brilliant son went to a birthday party in Gurnee, IL yesterday, so I had free reign of my destiny.

I decided to go see the film 300 since I’m a man and it looked fucking awesome.

I’m also pretty cheap so I went to an 11:00 matinee. When I got there were two college dudes in the theatre. I headed up to the top because I don’t like having people sitting behind me in a theatre. Call it Honest Abe syndrome, but I just don’t like it.

There were about 15 min till the show started so I let my mind glaze over and listened to the shitting stuff they play now before movie previews even start.

Some other dudes filed in who also looked like their wife and kids were doing something else on the mild Sunday morning.

Then, in hobbled an 85-year-old woman (my rough assessment of her age). At first I thought she was lost. She made her way up to the top row and sat about 6 seats to my left. I guess she doesn’t like people behind her in movies either.

The movie started, and after the title flashed, the old woman stayed.

I was confused. Why was she here? Had she done a report on The Battle of Thermoplyae back in 1940 when she was in High School? Was she writing a review for the National Christian Coalition Against Cool Fucking Movies That Are Damaging Our Youth, or the NCCACFMTADOY as I call it?

The movie was fucking tits, by the way. Action, amazing visuals, naked women, half naked ripped men, blood, war, loyalty, death, awesome.

It’s one of the few movies I’ve ever wanted to go see again in the theatre.
So the movie wraps up, and the 85-year-old woman is still there. We exited opposite ways so I didn’t get a chance to see if she looked pumped up like I felt after seeing it, or if she had a look of distaste due to the sex and violence.

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Friday, March 02, 2007

Space Madness

Space Madness

They think I’m crazy!

But I know better.

It is not I who am crazy!

It is I who am mad!

Didn’t you hear ‘em?

Didn’t’ you see the crowds?

Oh my beloved Ice cream bar.

How I love to lick your creamy center, and your o so nutty chocolate covering

You’re not like the others!

You like the same things I do…

Wax paper… boiled football leather… dog breath.

We’re not hitchhiking anymore! We’re riding!

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