Pure Gonzo Engineering

Tuesday, February 24, 2009

For the Very First Time

As Opposite of Dog stock keeps dropping, it’s at 24.77 right now (from a high of like 90), I went to my local tattoo shop to discuss how I could stimulate the local economy. Apparently the tattoo industry is recession proof. When I went in, one guy was getting tattooed, one guy was getting done with a consultation, I was up next for a consult, and a couple came in after me to get a consultation. The first appointment time they had was the first week in March, that was one week ago.

I just went in to get Kalib working on drawing the chest piece idea I have. Yes, I need to get my left arm wrapped up, but I have the strong desire to get a chest piece. Chest pieces are bad ass. My wife’s is fucking awesome, it always looks awesome peaking out from shirts that are cut low enough to see it. I also love looking at old pictures of dudes with ink. They’ve got their shirts off with dress pants and sharp ass shoes (There was a time when everyone whore a suit to the grocery store), and they’ve got these sweet chest pieces of eagles or ships or ladies.

Getting this piece plays into one of my several fall back positions, should I get laid off. This fallback is being an extra in prison / crime movies / television dramas.

My idea is the following. The whole piece will be old school in style. Coffin in the center of my chest with an hourglass in it, DaVinci style wing framework sprouting off the coffin with bits of feathers on them, random candles on the wings, dead roses around the coffin, and the banner phrase: Death is the Debt that All Men Must Pay. And yes you can go fuck yourself I did get that from National Treasure 2, that doesn’t make the words any less powerful or thematically correct for the piece. I also like it because it’s sexist in wording, and I’m a big sexist pig. Hopefully I’ll get the first session done some time in March. I’m guessing 3 sessions to complete it. It should cover the span of my down to just below my pecks.

I took the oldest boy skating for the very first time ever.

Hopefully his first experience wasn’t like mine, which turned me off to skating until I was in High School. He said he enjoyed it, so we’ll go more and see if he can progress at all. I got him some pads so he can just go and fall and try to find his balance.

I got a misguided compliment from the biggest jackass on our hockey team last game. We lost like 6-1, but I scored the only goal. I feel like I’m understanding where I should be now, and I’m just trying to skate as hard as possible for 2 minutes at a time. Midway through the game the dude says to me, “You’re going to score a hell-of-a-lot more goals if you skate like you are tonight. You’re busting your ass out there.”

Um, thanks, I think. I felt like a kid being lectured by his overbearing dad. I think I’m a couple years older than this dude too. It made me feel good, even though I didn’t want it to. I shouldn’t need the validation of jerk-offs like him.

I turn 28 on Thursday. Pretty meaningless. Just closer to being 30.

Narrator: [Tyler steers the car into the opposite lane and accelerates] What are you doing?

Tyler Durden: Guys, what would you wish you'd done before you died?

Man 1: Paint a self-portrait.

Man 2: Build a house.

Tyler Durden: [to Narrator] And you?

Narrator: I don't know. Turn the wheel now, come on!

Tyler Durden: You have to know the answer to this question! If you died right now, how would you feel about your life?

Narrator: I don't know, I wouldn't feel anything good about my life, is that what you want to hear me say? Fine. Come on!

Tyler Durden: Not good enough.

I was talking to one of my coworkers (single and childless), and he said he hoped to be a millionaire by his mid-thirties. I just chuckled. He said he was investing around 2/3 of his salary. I just laughed again.

Everyone has their priorities.

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Tuesday, February 17, 2009

12, 8, 73

Last Friday 50 contract workers got let go at the sandbox. Laborers, engineers, technicians, no field was spared.

It was a nice cap to President Obama visiting Opposite of Dog, and the Peoria area on Thursday. I’m working on my doctored photo of myself and the President. I like to fictitiously introduce all Presidents that stop by Opposite of Dog.

He was standing in front of the machine that I designed the cooling package, air intake, and exhaust system on. So if you look at the exhaust stack and pre-screener you can see what a kick ass engineer I am. The machine to his far left I’m doing the hydraulics development on. It was like I was right there with him in a far off, vicarious, unreal way.

I think if I get laid off I’ll become an appliance repairman. I fixed our like 25 year old dryer. One of the support rollers bushings had seized on the shaft it rotated on. That ripped the bushing off of the plastic hub and made the drum kind of bounce and make a horrible noise. It’s so quiet now you can’t even really tell when it’s done running.

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Tuesday, February 03, 2009

Before I Forget

Slipknot put on an awesome show last night.

9 crazy dudes with masks: Check
Drum kits on scissor lifts and hydraulics: Check
Baseball bats hitting kegs: Check
Insane fans on the floor removing the panels covering the ice rink below: Check
Crowd surfing fans pushing each other off those panels: Check

Ranks right up there with Marilyn Manson, Rob Zombie, and Kid Rock for showmanship.

Not my video, but shows how cool the show was.


Sunday, February 01, 2009


I'm not sure why this wasn't announced on Monday with the rest of the layoffs. I was reading elsewhere that we warned of posting a first quarter loss this year. That would suck.

I'm just going to keep on doing what I'm doing. I think what I'm working on represents 20% of the next emissions level credits we get through the EPA, so it needs to get done come loss or whatever, or the business is fucked.

I decided to go out and give the economy a goose this weekend and drop some g's on a 2008 Hyundai Entourage. It's a pretty sweet van. We got the DVD player and most of the cool extra shit you could get. No sunroof which kind of bums me out, but the deal was awesome. Since they were trying to get rid of the 2008's and this was the last one on my dealers lot and I've bought 2 vehicles from them already, they gave it to us for invoice and I got $4000 from the factory, and I got $1500 customer loyalty cash, and they gave us a decent amount on our Tucson. I ended up with only a bit higher monthly payment than I had with the Tucson.

I was testing out the wireless DVD headphones yesterday, and one pair's left ear didn't work so I have to have them get me a new one of those, other than that I'm digging it.

And for those of you who have been reading this blog for a while, yeah, I think you can comfortably have sex in it with the third row down.

Slipknot tomorrow. It's going to be crazy awesome.

No Slipknot video, because I saw Weezer live in Japan on Palladia and I can't get this song out of my head.

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