Pure Gonzo Engineering

Wednesday, July 29, 2009

Genetic Fear

I have an abnormal fear of death. Not really that I could die at any moment, just the simple fact that one day I will die. Maybe not right now, maybe not in 10 years, but some day it will happen. I will end.

I’ve tried to wrap my mind around the nothingness of that fact. Walmart has pretty much convinced me that nothing will happen to me after I die. It will be just like before I was born, nothing.

I’m comforted in some ways by having a more enlightened view of time, but I still panic at times. The pure adrenaline rush of the panic of wanting to flea, but there’s nowhere to go.

Turns out this fear is genetic. My mom feels the same way. She’s never conveyed it to me prior to a few months ago in any way. I would never have picked it up from her actions or conversations prior to the one where she told me about it.

Most of my tattoos in some way deal with death. My angel and phoenix, Act 5 scene 5, luck, the lament of Icarus, battle in the deep, and of course my chest. That was the lead in conversation of how I found out her fear.

I guess I shouldn’t really be surprised. We are all just the combined efforts of everyone we’ve ever know. The things you’re stuck with are from your parents though.


Thursday, July 16, 2009

Please Shut the Fuck Up about Socialism


Obama plans to raise the maximum tax bracket rate by like 3 or 4% making it still lower than it was from 1932 to 1986 and again from 1993 to 2001.

Holly shit, Lenin must be smiling in his glass box in Red Square.

Or maybe it's Che laughing at the stupid American's in his tomb.

I don't know

Seriously, you make your money within the framework of a society. It benefits you to pay into that society to improve it.

Socialism it is not. It's pretty much exactly what the framers of the constitution had in mind.

and remember, I know it feels funny not being in power, but it's OK. Things will be OK.

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Thursday, July 09, 2009

I Make Good Babies

Photo from www.amandaephotography.com

Yes, he's adorable, but the longer you look at that pictures there's almost a sadness deep in his eyes. I don't know, it's a great picture.

I fell asleep at 7:30 last night. I felt wiped out so I just fell asleep with Oz. I remembered my dreams for the first time in a long time.

I was at Kroger, although it was the shopping center in Wisconsin Rapids that had Shopko and Copps, but my mind said it was Kroger. For whatever reason I needed bok choy and propane. I made the decision to steal the propane and buy the bok choy. I excecuted some elaborate plan to steal the propane and then strolled back into the store and bought the bok choy. Weird shit. Really simple and weird.

Second quarter results will be coming out soon. Time for another round of old fashioned layoffs... I speculate. Right sizing the organization as they call it. I feel pretty safe. I got an above average rating on my last review so I should be above, or in this case metaphorically below the lawnmower blade as it comes by.

I've got to head in and get an appointment scheduled to get my chest piece finished. I really should be getting all kinds of free tattoos. I've got people from where I work going to American Inkwell because I've recommended them, and it seems as though I can't go to a public place in the summer time without someone asking me where I get my work done. Ah summer, that time of year when most people show off their horrible, horrible tattoos that someone did for them in a basement. We went to SummerFest last weekend, and it was just a freakshow of bad tattoos. Kind of like Walmart is on any given day.

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