Pure Gonzo Engineering

Thursday, July 26, 2007

Stupid Fucking Ideas

I've been lazy with my news reading lately, but the Colbert Report that I DVR'd got me tuned into this story about tattoo ink that is suspended in tiny plastic beads that can be removed with one laser treatment .

"Mathiowitz doesn't have a tattoo and said that as a scientist, she never thought she'd be working with them. But she said she is happy to help improve an ancient art form."

That line about sums it up, but I'm reminded of a Kind of the Hill episode when Hank is talking to the lead singer of a Christian rock band. He says something like, "You're not making Christianity cooler, you're just making rock music worse."

"This will make tattoos so much safer. None of the toxins from the ink will be able to leak out" and linger in the dermis, as occurs with conventional tattoos, Mathiowitz said.

And there's a big fucking lie to sell your product. What toxins? They're mineral salts. I've never heard of a person having any negative effects from tattooing in the long term who wasn't immediately allergic to the ink or had it applied correctly.

Jesus Christ... what tattoo artists are going to use this (more expensive) ink that doesn't last forever. I cringe to even think of the douche bags who will saunter into a shop with no ink and ask for it.

I'm sure some will carry it and use it, but I can't believe that this ink will hold up to years of tanning and sun. Real ink can't even do that. That's what a laser does, it just speeds up the effect of the sun breaking the ink apart into small enough particles for the blood stream to take away. I can't imagine these little plastic beads can withstand years of the suns abuse if one laser treatment magically causes them to burst.

Then you'll have all kinds of plastic floating around in your bloodstream. I'd rather stick with a method that has proven to not potentially kill me due to some sort of bizarre blood poisoning.

Next thing you know someone will invent a painless tattoo machine so every jackass in a band will finally have the guts to get a pain free tattoo that he or she can get rid of after their shitty band can't sing a tune.

In this era of quick and commitment free everything, can their still be one thing you're stuck with once you've made a decision other than an STD?

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Tuesday, July 24, 2007

Steve Calls Out Lawryde

Well, Steve called me out, so I thought I’d write something.

I’m going through a bit of a creative dry spell. I like my work now, so I can’t bitch about that. I’m not really in a writing mood, and nothing particularly interesting has been happening.

I’m listening to Harry Potter right now; I already know how it ends. My wife read it in 8 hours. I enjoy listening to the books while I drive and work. I imagine its kind of like listening to old time radio programs since the dude who reads them does voices and adds appropriate inflection.

I got my operators license at work. That means I get to drive Track Type Tractors and Pipe Layers when I get the chance. It kind of gives me an appreciation for what this company actually does. When I was designing, I was so disconnected from the product. Now I can go and fire up a D11 and take it for a spin. If you never have before, it’s kind of like driving a small house that can push 80 of cubic yards of dirt.

Turns out I’m pretty bad with money. I’m just too weak, and there are so many things I want.

Carter is learning a bunch of new words, and it’s good that he’s being super cute, because he’s got a few annoying habits, like hitting and spitting out water.

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Saturday, July 14, 2007

Your blog is no longer interesting or entertaining

I’ve been talking lots about my new job, and I would guess most people don’t give a fuck. Although, if you’ve read about some of the shit I’ve put up with in this giant machine that builds giant machines, you’d be happy for me.

I’ve kind of been racking my brain as to other interesting, fun things that have been going on, but there really isn’t anything much.

Steve seems to have interesting, anecdotal stories happening to him every day. I guess that’s the difference between living in California, and living in Illinois.

Maybe one of these things will be interesting:

My 15 or so year old dog doesn’t want to die, and keeps costing me money. Like a year and a half ago, the vet gave our mutt dog about a year to live since he was having heart failure. My wife took him to the vet to check out a weird spot on his skin (which was $201 worth of ringworm), and the doc says his heart “sounded great”. I like Skitch, but I don’t like dropping hundreds of dollars on him.

My wife’s chest piece (big fucking tattoo on the chest) is almost done. It’s pretty fucking cool. I was already hopelessly enamored with her before, but I really like women who are heavily tattooed. It’s super sexy.

If you’re not at work or school you might check out burningangel.com, if you’re into that sort of stuff (wink, wink) (and by that I mean viewing naked women) (wink, wink)

I haven’t been panicked by my fear of death in quite some time. I don’t know if that’s good or bad. I don’t know if I’m busy enough with this new job assignment and other shit that goes on in the summer time to keep my brain away from what is still there, or if I’ve reached some sort of peace with the universe and time and any higher power that time is indeed, tense-less.


Thursday, July 12, 2007

Look Mom, I'm a Redneck!

Testing max lift of a pipelayer all day at the Deadman+Lawryde never being out in the sun without sunscreen=Sunburn+Higher Risk of Skin Cancer

I'm not sure that math is all correct, I'm only an Engineer.

Also, Mechanic Dave proved to me why I like mechanics. He asked me why I was wearing long sleeves, was it to cover up tattoos? Yup I told him. No engineers have asked me why the hell I'm wearing long sleeve black Under Armour in the middle of summer. Dave's cool shit. We chatted about tattoos while we were setting up our test.

This job is pretty fucking sweet. (I have the feeling though that I'm going to read this again in like a year and a half and just laugh my ass off.)

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Wednesday, July 11, 2007

Not disenfranchised and disillusioned with the corporate world

Maybe it’s just because everything is new. Perhaps I’m just not jaded yet. It could be that I’m just doing one little thing right now, but I really like this new job.

This place feels much better than the stuffy office I was in. I get to hang out with mechanics, operate heavy machinery, and sit in an office if I want to.

I’m sure it will eventually get old, but it’s got to last for a while.


Monday, July 09, 2007

Hydraulically Speaking

I’ve got a week done at the new job at the Opposite of Dog sandbox. It’s pretty good. The people are pretty cool, I get my own laptop, and, once I get my operators license, get to drive heavy machinery around.

It’s been hot, but my Under Armour has done it’s job. You still feel hot, but I don’t feel sweaty. There are a bunch of mechanics around that have quite a bit of ink, but they’re mechanics. My right arm is offensive by most people’s standards anyway so I’ll keep them covered.

I’ve been learning the ropes, how to get stuff done. They have way better training than when I started at my design job. The sandbox is 2500 acres, most of it just sound barrier for operating machines loudly.

I think this place will be OK for the next few years. (We’ll see how I feel in 18 months or so.)

My parents came down this past weekend. My dad and I ripped down an old shitty fence that was on the edge of my driveway. I wasn’t sure if it was my neighbors or mine, so I just asked him if I could get rid of it since it was old, ugly, and made it a bitch to shovel snow. He was fine with it, so we took it back to where it frames in his backyard. I replaced that portion with some new cedar dog-ear fence.

I don’t think I have enough pictures of Carter up in my office. Right now at 2:15 I miss him. I had pictures of him plastered all over my desk at the last job. I’ll have to hang a few up here.

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Sunday, July 01, 2007

Between those massive tits, that hung enormous like you’d think of Gods as big.

This has been a crazy busy weekend, and I’ve finally had a chance to catch my breath.

Friday was my last day, at my farewell lunch my coworkers put together the cheesy Top Ten Reasons Lawryde is leaving the section. It was pretty funny, and it made me realize people actually do like me at work, as abrasive and difficult to relate to as I can be.

As I was leaving the building I still didn’t really feel anything special. No sadness, fear, joy, whatever, just good that it was a nice sunny day. I guess that’s all you can really hope for in life, is to be able to enjoy the nice day when it comes.

Then I hauled ass home to take my wife and son to a friends 2 year birthday party. I dropped them off and went to get the oil changed on the Tucson. I’d do it myself, but to maintain the warranty, they make you get it serviced at the dealership.

When I got done I went back to the party and ate some burgers and hotdogs that didn’t really sit well with me, must have been all the lips, assholes and hooves.

We left early to prep for going out, which we hadn’t done in forever. I took a quick nap to try and settle the unrest in my stomach. By the time we were ready to leave, I felt better.

The plan was to stop at an Irish pub for a few drinks then head to the gay bar for a drag queen show. I’m comfortable enough in my heterosexuality that it doesn’t freak me out to go to a gay bar.

We met a few friends at the pub and had a few drinks. Most of our adult friends with kids are in their 30’s, but they’re good fun.

We headed into the gay bar which I’d never been in before. Most of the people I’ve ever drank with are not comfortable enough in their masculinity to set foot in a gay bar. It was pretty cool actually. We just hung out and drank for about half an hour until the drag show started.

Basically the drag queens come out and lip-sync and dance around on the main dance floor area. There were a couple that made convincing women. Two of the women in our group knew one of the queens. He’s their hairstylist. Again, I’m comfortable enough to say I would probably fuck him/her if the situation presented itself.

My wife and I left after the show was over at about 12:30. I took the babysitter home. I think that all cars should be required to by manual, that way, you know if you’ve had too much to drink if you can’t get your car moving. I was fine, and took the opportunity on the way back to push the little Elantra to it’s limits going up a winding road that the babysitter lived near.

I was bleary eyed and tired by the time I got back (I’d been up since 6:00AM), but I wasn’t going to miss out on post going out, post drinking sex. It didn’t disappoint.

The next day I got my hair cut so the new dudes at work didn’t think my Jew-fro was weird. My hair tends to poof out when it just grows back on it’s own after shaving it all off. Carter and I had swim lessons as well, so it was a full morning.

My wife was in charge of the Attachment Parenting picnic that afternoon so we got all of our stuff together and went to the park. It turned out to be a really nice day, and the picnic was fun. A bunch of families showed up and I shot the shit with a few other dads while the kids ran around. Carter kind of melted down near the end of the day, but he was super tired.

Today has been relaxing, and I’ve got a hockey game tonight. I’ll get to try out my new Oakley half shield, half cage I bought as a present to myself for the new job.

Then tomorrow is the big transition to the new job.

My posting frequency may drop for a bit since I’ll need to not abuse my internet privileges at work like I used to. Don’t want the new guys thinking I’m a slacker.

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