85 in 300

My lovely wife and brilliant son went to a birthday party in Gurnee, IL yesterday, so I had free reign of my destiny.

I decided to go see the film 300 since I’m a man and it looked fucking awesome.

I’m also pretty cheap so I went to an 11:00 matinee. When I got there were two college dudes in the theatre. I headed up to the top because I don’t like having people sitting behind me in a theatre. Call it Honest Abe syndrome, but I just don’t like it.

There were about 15 min till the show started so I let my mind glaze over and listened to the shitting stuff they play now before movie previews even start.

Some other dudes filed in who also looked like their wife and kids were doing something else on the mild Sunday morning.

Then, in hobbled an 85-year-old woman (my rough assessment of her age). At first I thought she was lost. She made her way up to the top row and sat about 6 seats to my left. I guess she doesn’t like people behind her in movies either.

The movie started, and after the title flashed, the old woman stayed.

I was confused. Why was she here? Had she done a report on The Battle of Thermoplyae back in 1940 when she was in High School? Was she writing a review for the National Christian Coalition Against Cool Fucking Movies That Are Damaging Our Youth, or the NCCACFMTADOY as I call it?

The movie was fucking tits, by the way. Action, amazing visuals, naked women, half naked ripped men, blood, war, loyalty, death, awesome.

It’s one of the few movies I’ve ever wanted to go see again in the theatre.
So the movie wraps up, and the 85-year-old woman is still there. We exited opposite ways so I didn’t get a chance to see if she looked pumped up like I felt after seeing it, or if she had a look of distaste due to the sex and violence.