Waves of Emotion

So that tingling feeling of something going to happen, happened, as it were.

My boss instant messages me and tells me he set up a one on one with me the next day early in the morning and wants to make sure I can make it.

My brain immediately recoils in horror thinking that I’ve been caught using the interweb too much, or that fact that I’m at work for exactly 8 hours a day now, not a minute more.

I try to feel out the situation so I don’t spend the evening throwing up in anticipation.

I message back, sure no problem. Do I need to have some yearly goals put together to discuss or something like that?

He messages back, Well, I wanted to tell you in person… Oh shit … that your promotion went through.

Cooling calm and joy fill my heart. All my finishing reports on time has paid off. I tell him that’s awesome and thank him for working it on his end.

So I get 5%, and now I’m a Senior Gonzo Engineer. Maybe the Gonzo won’t be listed, but we all know the truth. I guess the grays in my beard are deserved now. It will look nice on a resume too, puts me in a different category and bargaining position.

This morning the kids don’t wake up at some point from 5-7. Seriously, the day I need to get in by 7:30 and they don’t make a sound. On top of that we find out my wife’s friend’s mom died this morning. I’m full of panic, self worth, and sadness. I need to get to this meeting so I get out the door buy 7:08. Luckily Peoria did a halfway decent job clearing the streets after 3 inches of snow.

I tear up a bit as I climb the hill to work. It’s a combination of relief of getting this promotion they’ve dangled in front of me for so long, and the loss my wife’s friend has to deal with. I remember her wedding and talking to her mom, this kind, lovely, gracious woman, nevermore. I try to pull my shit together and navigate the country road without killing myself.

I make it to work 5 minutes late, no big deal, everyone is 5 minutes late to every meeting they go to.

I sit down after the meeting, which is really nothing groundbreaking after finding out the high point the day before, and I am able to breath and let my head stop swimming.

Lawryde Reaches His Physical Peak

Last night my hockey team played the dickhead firefighter team. As we were warming up I saw that they didn’t have their ringers on the ice. This gave us a chance to win.

It was a really good game. We were always within one or two goals of each other. We ended up beating them 6-5.

They were crying about this and that through the entire game. Their bench was pissing and moaning about some call they thought should have been made. I yelled over and told them to “Shut the fuck up. I thought you were fucking firefighters?”

They didn’t seem to appreciate that.

For the most part, I played like shit. I haven’t played well the last few games. This could be for any number of reasons.

I’m playing offense now instead of defense. I switched positions this season because we had enough defensemen. I don’t really know where to be now as well as I did when I was playing defense. I can make an outlet pass like a kid out in the rain, being in place for one and catching one is an entirely different story.

I’ve reached my physical limitations only playing one game per week. I either need to play more every week, or supplement playing with some cardiovascular and strength training between games. The only way to get better hands and game sense is to play. Rat is during inconvenient times now, and I really hate running or doing pushups and sit-ups. I’m certainly not getting any younger, and this will only get worse if I don’t do anything about it.

It’s depressing when you reach a point like this. I felt like this regarding my intelligence after my freshmen year in college. Up to that point I could learn and apply anything quicker than almost anyone. I had natural ability, and I reached a point where I would have had to put in a significant amount of work into taking it to the next level.

I guess the bottom line is I’m lazy. I coasted with ease into a 3.4 and a degree.

Learning hydraulics in this new position has challenged me, but I’m still not willing to put in a huge amount of effort to become an expert.

Jack-of-all-trades, master of none, that’s Lawryde.

Is it strange the two tracks I’m really into right now are on completely opposite ends of the musical spectrum?