David Brooks can lick my tattoo.

Chris pointed this little gem out to me.


Think that tattoo makes you special? You might think again By DAVID BROOKS
Posted: Sept. 23, 2006

We now have to work under the assumption that every American has a tattoo.

Whether we are at a formal dinner, at a professional luncheon, at a sales conference or arguing before the Supreme Court, we have to assume that everyone in the room is fully tatted up - that under each suit, dress or blouse, there is at least a set of angel wings, a barbed wire armband, a Chinese character or maybe even a fully inked body suit.

We have to assume that any casual anti-tattoo remark will cause offense, even to those we least suspect of self-marking.

Everybody who went to the beach last summer has observed that tattoos are now everywhere. There are so many spider webs, dolphins, Celtic motifs and yin-yang images spread across the sands, it looks like a New Age symbology conference with love handles.

A study in The Journal of the American Academy of Dermatology showed that about 24% of Americans between the ages of 18 and 50 have at least one tattoo, up from about 15% in 2003. Thirty-six percent of those between 18 and 29 have a tattoo.

Pretty soon you'll go to the beach and find that only the most hardened nonconformists will be unmarked. Everybody else will be decorated with gothic-lettered AARP logos and Katie Couric 4-EVER tributes, and Democrats will have their Kerry-Edwards bumper stickers scratched across their backs so even their morticians will know which way they voted.

The only person without one of those Pacific Northwest Indian tribal graphics scrawled across his shoulder will be a lone 13-year-old skater scoffing at all the bourgeois tattoo fogies.

Traditional religions have generally prohibited tattoos on the grounds they encourage superficial thinking (what's on the surface is not what matters). But it turns out that tattoos are the perfect consumer items. They make people feel better about themselves.

Just as Hummers make some people feel powerful, tattoo-wearers will talk (and talk and talk and talk) about how their tattoos make them feel strong, free, wild and unique.

In an essay in The American Interest, David Kirby observes that there are essentially two types of tattoo narratives, the Record Book and the Canvas. Record Book tattoos commemorate the rites of passage in a life. Canvas tattoos are means of artistic expression.

So some people will have their kids' faces tattooed across their backs, or the motorcycle that belonged to a now-dead friend, or a fraternity, brigade or company logo. In a world of pixelated flux, these tattoos are expressions of commitment - a way to say that as long as I live, this thing will matter to me.

They don't always work out - on the reality show "Miami Ink" a woman tried to have her "I will succeed thru Him" tattoo altered after she grew sick of religion - but the longing for permanence is admirable.

Other people are trying to unveil their wild side. They're taking advantage of the fact that tattoos are associated with felons, bikers and gangstas. They're trying to show that far from being the dull communications majors they appear to be, they are actually free spirits - sensual, independent, a little dangerous.

The problem is that middle-class types have been appropriating the symbols of marginalized outcasts since at least the 1830s. This is no longer a way to express individuality; it's a way to be part of the mob.

Today, fashion trends may originate on Death Row, but it takes about a week and a half for baggy jeans, slut styles and tattoos to migrate from Death Row to Wal-Mart.

What you get is a culture of trompe l'oeil degeneracy. People adopt socially acceptable transgressions - like tattoos - to show they are edgy, but inside they are still middle class.
You run into these candy-cane grunge types: people with piercings and inkings all over their bodies who look like Sid Vicious but talk like Barry Manilow. They've got the alienated look - just not the anger.

And that's the most delightful thing about the whole tattoo fad. A cadre of fashion-forward types thought they were doing something to separate themselves from the vanilla middle classes but are now discovering that the signs etched into their skins are absolutely mainstream.

They are at the beach looking across the acres of similar markings and learning there is nothing more conformist than displays of individuality, nothing more risk-free than rebellion, nothing more conservative than youth culture.

Another generation of hipsters, laid low by the ironies of consumerism.

David Brooks is a columnist for The New York Times.

David Brooks shows just how out of touch he really is with this asshole, conservative column.

First the dickhead can’t make up his mind. He says “tattoos are now everywhere”, but then gives me a statistic that 24% of Americans are tattooed. Holy Shit! That’s everyone isn’t it? Tattooed people are still in the minority.

You’d think he was somehow fending off the advances of tattoo artists at all times during the day, and that tattooed people were roving the streets in gangs looking for converts. These fucking traditionalists can handle when things they don’t like start to become slightly popular.

“tattoo-wearers will talk (and talk and talk and talk) about how their tattoos make them feel”

Non-tattooed people can’t help but ask a tattooed person about their tattoos. Did it hurt? Where did you get it? How much did it cost? You realize that’s permanent? Non-tattooed people love to talk and talk and talk about my tattoos with me.

He really needs to differentiate from people with A tattoo and people with TATTOOS.

He should shut the fuck up about both, but he should still differentiate. He should like people with A tattoo because they drive local economies. Tattoo artists are middle class workers that spend nearly all of their income. (I did research when I was designing my new machine). People who get A tattoo drop $50-$250 and that money is put back into the local economy. I’ll make a Foxnewsian Conclusion: Tattoos Cause Economic Growth!

I have Tattoos. I’ve been tattooed for over 65 hours. I love everything about tattooing and being tattooed.

My back piece isn’t the fucking flavor of the week. It’s not something you do for shits and giggles one night after you’ve been drinking. It hurt. It took commitment. Those are the two big reasons why tattooing will never truly be mainstream; most people out there are afraid of pain and the permanence.

None of my tattoos are “absolutely mainstream”. I’ve chosen topics that transcend time and place. I have the words of Aristotle, Shakespeare, William Ernest Henley, the paintings of Herbert Draper, and the timeless religious iconography.

And David, I am angry. I’m one of the middle children of history, with no great war, and no great depression to define myself. I’m angry that dickheads like you get paid to write for 60 year olds about those gosh darn tattooed people taking over society. I’m angry you’re so close-minded that you feel the need to poke fun at people that have more balls than you ever will. I’m angry you feel the need to insult and demean one of the oldest art forms know to man.

There will always be people on the fringe of anything that are just along for the popularity, but for those of us who love tattooing we’re all still badass tattooed motherfuckers, and you are not.