Pure Gonzo Engineering

Wednesday, May 11, 2005

Self Loathing

I've heard of members of groups of people being self hating or self loathing. Like a self hating Jewish person, or a black person who dislikes themselves because they are black. Usually this is as a result of being persecuted or told you're not good enough, or that your race of people isn't as good as another race.

Well, I think I'm a self loathing engineer. Not that engineers are in anyway persecuted or told they aren't worthwhile. Well, we are, but that's a whole different post about outsourcing white color work to Inida.

I am a self hating engineer because of the common characteristics of my fellow engineers. This is a short list of those charateristics of which I have, or am beginning to have after working as an engineer for a few years.

1. Engineers are cheap. I guess it's not entirely our fault. We're beat over the head on a regular basis for cost reduced designs. We always ask our manufacturers to give us the highest quality product at the lowest possible price. My wife tells me I'm cheap, but there are engineers I know who are well beyond how thrifty I am.

2. Engineers are indecisive, maybe not indecisive, but they need far to much information and/or analysis to come to a decision. Engineers can not make a decision until they've made a spreadsheet, consulted with two other engineers, and then read every document know to man on the particular subject they are making a decision on. All this just to buy a $100 TV, or to choose a cellular provider, or to buy a set of kitchen knives. This is the one I try to break the mold. I despise myself when I over analyze a situation. If I need to buy something I try to do it in less than 2 days. Shit it only took me a 1.5 weeks to buy a house. Sometimes all the analysis in the world won't help you to make a good decision. Sometimes you need to say fuck-it and go with what you feel is right. Your instincts kept your monkey ancestors alive, so you'd think they could help you buy a car. That's one of the reasons I love my tattoos so much. They have no practical application, they are outrageously expensive, and have 100% depreciation the second they are applied. Any purely analytical person would never get a tattoo.

3. Almost all engineers are highly conservative. This kind of ties into number one and number two. They want all their money right now and don't want to share any of it. Fuck social programs, fuck taxes, gimmy gimmy gimmy. What's mine is mine. They think that a privatized world would be a better world. Let private companies take over anything, and they will run more effectively and drive down prices. Yeah, right. The longer I'm a way from Madison, the more conservative I become. It's like the Simpson's Tree House of Horror where Homer doesn't have beer or TV so he turns to killing.

That's all I can think of right now. I can feel eyes boring into my back so I need to have at it.

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