They call me “Hat Trick” McLawryde

We had our first hockey practice of the winter season last night. My buddy Phil showed up at the same time I did and he told me last Sunday at rat hockey he got $250 stolen right out of his wallet. He was going to use it to pay for league registration, now this season is going to cost him double. He thinks it was this one dickhead kid who no one really likes. Apparently he’s been busted for shoplifting before, but there’s no way to prove he took Phil’s money. The whole story just pissed me off. What kind of asshole steals money from one of his fellow hockey players? I’ll steal from large corporations or banks, but certainly not from another guy in a locker room.

Basically practice is just a big pickup game with a shit-load of players on the bench, you’ve got four teams worth of players combined into two teams. The first half hour or so, my performance was pretty lack luster. I hadn’t played seriously for 2 weeks, so I was a bit rusty. Then all of a sudden I opened it up, and pucks started to kind of bounce right for me. I got a nice little five-hole goal, and then two shifts later had two consecutive goals within about 5 minutes. Playing rat hockey with the higher-level players has really helped my game. Everything gets slowed down when you drop back into C-League. Depending on how this season goes, I may play in B-League next summer.

So before practice (I’m telling this story a bit like a Tarantino flick), this woman walks into our locker room and sets her shit down like she’s going to get dressed in there. Phil and I glance at each other, and exchange some looks. She leaves to change into her hockey underclothes in the women’s room, I guess. This other dude, a Japanese hockey playing heart surgeon, notices Phil and I giving each other questioning looks, and says that the lady is a doctor. (The local hospital has a C-League team) I’m like, OK, whatever. She’s going to see some naked dudes after practice.

After practice everyone’s getting their gear off, and she’s in there. I’m about ready to take a shower, but she’s on the bench right by the shower, facing away from the entrance, but still right by the showers. I head into the shower with my combo cup-shorts and flip flops and turn on the water to get it heated up, which usually takes a while. I figure she’ll kind of hurry up and get done and leave. Steam starts rolling out of the shower so they’re ready. My other buddy Mike goes ahead and strips down where he’s at, and saunters over to the showers, cock flapping in the wind. Since Mike broke the ice, I say fuck it, and, with a bit more discretion, go into the showers and remove my combo cup-shorts.

As we’re showering I hear her discussing with some of her fellow doctors how being in a locker room with naked dudes isn’t an issue for her since she’s had to deal with a guy who had a 72-hour erection during her residency.

She packs up all of her gear and leaves. Apparently she wasn’t OK getting naked herself. That would cross that thin red line, and, as a married man, I’d have to leave at that point.

Strange shit, but a fun practice. It should be a good season.