I am a travel God

This past weekend my wife’s college roommate got married. The wedding was in Fargo, ND. That’s 670 miles away from Peoria. That’s 11-12 hours of driving. That’s 23 hours out of 72 that I spent driving. Luckily most of it was through the beautiful, wondrous state of Wisconsin.

The weekend really went pretty well. We left at 2 a.m. on Friday. We traveled north to Madison, my favorite city, to pick up The Poop Queen so she could watch Carter during the wedding and we could drink and stay late. By the time we got to Minneapolis, it felt like we should be there. Unfortunately it’s another 4 hours to Fargo.

When we got there we checked into the hotel. When The Poop Queen made reservations, they didn’t have any suites available. I asked them again when we checked in, and they did. It was an extra $60, but it ended up being totally worth it. It had a door that divided the bedroom from the living area so we were able to put Carter to sleep and still do stuff in the other room.

We went to the rehearsal dinner. I was kind of hesitant since I’m completely socially inept, but I took some lessons from the best and put my learning to the test. Mr. Fresh taught me to find something I find mildly interesting about a person and keep asking them questions about it. People always like to talk about themselves and the stupid shit they find interesting. The dinner was good.

The wedding was supposed to be outdoors and it rained like hell the day of. They had a church backup, but the reception was still under tents. It was also pretty cold, like 50 deg.

The wedding was like every other wedding I’ve ever been to, other than my own. The reception was pretty fun. My wife was in the wedding party, so The Poop Queen and I sat with the boy at a table with some fun other people. One of the girls was in her 20’s and was tattooed and pierced. She was fun to talk with.

After I took The Poop Queen and the boy back to the hotel so the boy could go to sleep, I started drinking heavily. I again exercised my new social skills, and, in an affirmation of how good I’d become, got offered some Hash by a dude in the wedding party I had met the day before. I respectfully declined since my wife doesn’t approve of illegal drug use.

As I got more and more drunk I became more philosophical. I waxed on about the nature of time with a dude I knew from college.

Even though it rained, it was a good time.

The next day we had to leave by 9 a.m. since it was another 12 hours home. I felt good, no hangover. I think it was the taco bell the night before after the reception.

When we got home I was exhausted. I still was yesterday.

I’m almost fully recovered now.