If a thing’s worth doing, it’s worth doing right

I’m some sort of prophetic genius. I felt things falling apart during my last post, and they finally did, mentally that is.

I don’t know what it is about showering that brings about this fear in me, but yesterday morning as I got done showering and was drying myself off I was suddenly struck with the panic that I was going to die eventually and there was no possible way to avoid it. If there is the possibility that there is a God, then there is also the distinct possibility that when we die, that’s it. Game Over. Nothingness. You no longer exist in any way shape or form. Stop what you’re doing right now, and wrap your mind around that little chestnut. Swish it around in your mouth and get the flavor of it. Forget all the shit you need to do today and tomorrow and tomorrow.



I felt like an animal locking in a cage waiting to be put down. I was still half wet, but I ran into our bedroom, my eyes unable to adjust quick enough from the glaring light of the bathroom to find my wife. I pawed in the darkness until I found her and rolled her toward me so I could hug her. She immediately knew what had happened and hugged me close as I began crying into her shoulder. The thought too of some day not being with her seared my eyes, as my breathing finally began to slow. Maybe ten minutes had passed since the fear hit me, and I felt a bit better. I kissed my wife, ran my hand over her pregnant belly and went back to the bathroom to finish getting ready.

I finished more work, at work, than I had in a long time. At the end of the day the fear was farther away, back in it’s cage in my mind.

If you want to help pay for my Psychiatric bill, I do take donations.