Gonzo Engineering Returns
I’ve been a busy little monkey lately so I haven’t had time to put up any new posts. I’m sure you’ve all passed the time fine looking at my adorable little worm baby Carter.
Early last week I was on a business trip to exotic Minnesota and Iowa. It kind of sucked because we had to drive, but I did get to eat a lot of free food and drink a lot of free beer from a supplier.
Summer hockey league has also started. My ass was a wad of cookie dough after the first practice. I’m only 25 years old, but after sitting on my duff for two months, I’ve gotten completely out of shape.
Two dudes in my design section are leaving so I get to become a more well rounded Gonzo Engineer by learning how to design cooling systems (Radiators, Air to Air Aftercoolers, powertrain oil coolers, etc . I don’t really want to learn a bunch of new shit, but it will make it easier to get out of this hellhole of a town if I have more experience with a wide range of design.
“Heroin had robbed Renton of his sex drive, but now it returned with a vengeance. And as the impotence of those days faded into memory, grim desperation took hold of his sex-crazed mind. His post-junk libido, fuelled by alcohol and amphetamine, taunted him remorselessly with his own unsatisfied desire.”
I kind of feel the same way, but from Bupropion.
I stopped taking it.
I don’t know why.
I got the flu or something a few weeks ago and was taking it intermittently and then ran out and never bothered to refill the prescription. It must be almost all out of my system now; cause all I can think about is fucking. Antidepressants tend to lower your sex drive.
The fear feels closer now, but I feel much more alive. I knew the Bupropion would dull me, I don’t care what Dr. Colen says. I’ve come to the conclusion that drugs aren’t going to help me deal with my fear of death. I question if therapy really will either. Looking at Carter develop and grow is better than almost anything else I’ve tried. His existence minimizes the importance of my death to me. I don’t know…
Labels: Carter, Crazy, Hockey, Metaphors for Sex, Pure Gonzo Engineering
posted by lawryde at
2:47 PM
2 Comments:
Damn.. we live such parallel lives. I don't fear dying as much as I fear losing everything from a freak accident or illness. I have been absolutely paranoid with the pain I having and my stupid medical plan not identifying it as quickly as I like. But hey what are ya going to do?
By
Steve, at 7:37 PM, May 31, 2006
Existential angst (or fear of death and/or the unknown ) have been around forever. Most of the great tortured artists of our day and in the past have suffered from this same ailment. I think it's safe to say that the most intelligent are the ones who are usually left to deal with the unknowns of why we exist and what does it all mean? It's possible none of it means anything, so enjoy the now of your beautiful wife and precious son.
By
Anonymous, at 6:45 PM, June 04, 2006
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