Pure Gonzo Engineering

Thursday, July 14, 2005

You're insulting them and you're embarrassing me.

I stepped up today and it felt like I was dying. Stress is an amazing thing; it felt like I was having a heart attack. My chest felt tight and I could barely talk. As soon as I left everything went back to normal. Crazy shit.

I’m becoming more and more obsessed in my mind about getting a new tattoo. I want something big on my ribs (ouch!) My fear of death is also coming back and getting worse. The raving animal in the back of my mind has finally gnawed through the bars I put up. I wonder if there is a correlation between wanting a new tattoo and my fear. I should go back to therapy before I start having to pay 20% of every visit up to $X dollars. Otherwise I might end up flipping out, curling up in a corner not able to move sucking my thumb. The one thing you can’t get away from is your own mind. That’s why so many people do drugs and drink (even socially). The quote of making a beast of yourself to get rid of the pain of being a man is so very true. When I’m drunk I can say to myself over and over that eventually, some day, I’m going to die (I will no longer exist on Earth), and it won’t freak me out. The alcohol beats down the fear. What did Marx say? Religion is the Opium of the people. It beats down that fear.

Remember everyone: Good luck is when the arrow hits the guy standing next to you.

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2 Comments:

  • I think you hit the nail on the head regarding death, drugs, alcohol and religion. Death is inevitable. Once you face that truth, you will learn what it really means to live. If you want immortality, aspire to something that will leave a lasting impression on the world. That way you'll live forever. In the meantime, alcohol, drugs, religion and other distractions are your best friends. Carpe Diem!

    By Blogger Chris, at 2:45 PM, July 15, 2005  

  • "Opiate", not "opium". There's a slight difference.

    By Blogger Kevin W., at 4:00 PM, July 17, 2005  

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