Change in the House of Flies
God Damn, that’s a good title to my post. It’s metaphoric, it’s realistic, and it’s got some pop culture in it. Damn I’m good.
Anyway, my house seems to have a large number of houseflies in it. I’ve been trying to diagnose the problem while killing about 8-10 flies every few days. It’s strange; there were a bunch on Thursday, none on Friday or Saturday, and then a bunch on Sunday. I don’t really understand this behavior.
What I think is brining the bastards in is this: We had an issue with carpenter ants when we first moved in, so I called Terminex and had them spray for them. There spray kills all legged insects. This includes spiders, much to my wife’s happiness. However, spiders kill flies. Thus flies have wings and are not killed by the poison, and they have no natural enemies to kill them. Thus I become their natural enemy and must kill them.
The second cause of the flies I believe is the dog shit that has been accumulating in my back yard from my dog for the last 5 weeks. Yes, I’m fucking lazy. My backyard isn’t very big, so the flies eat the shit and breed and then manage to find their way into my house. Thus begins my war on flies and on dog shit. I need to go to the store and buy some flypaper and a dog shit scoop. I also need to buy new trashcans cause my old ones are gross and don’t have good lids.
Anyway, what a shitty weekend for the most part. Friday was OK. I hung out my wife’s friend and husband, which was fun. Then Saturday sucked even though I saw Batman Begins, which was good. Then Sunday was uneventful and hot (104°), and I botched two sweet ass goal scoring opportunities in hockey. We won, but I didn’t score any goals. I had this awesome breakaway, deeked the goalie forehand side and then went backhand wide-open net, and I missed the fucking puck. Damn it. The other one I was point plank in front of the net, got a pass and flung it right into the goalies chest. Ah, well. It was fun and a good workout.
I think right now at age 24, I’m at my physical peak. I’m 6’3” 185 pounds, almost no fat on me. I’m in pretty good cardiovascular shape, and I feel strong. Hockey is an amazing workout.
Today I’m violating the dress code at work. Clothes must be a conservative style and color. Ha, fuckers, I’m wearing flashy dress pants from Express that are not conservative in style and a flashy pinkish, redish, greenish, tie that is definitely not conservative in color. Write me up bitches.
Anyway, my house seems to have a large number of houseflies in it. I’ve been trying to diagnose the problem while killing about 8-10 flies every few days. It’s strange; there were a bunch on Thursday, none on Friday or Saturday, and then a bunch on Sunday. I don’t really understand this behavior.
What I think is brining the bastards in is this: We had an issue with carpenter ants when we first moved in, so I called Terminex and had them spray for them. There spray kills all legged insects. This includes spiders, much to my wife’s happiness. However, spiders kill flies. Thus flies have wings and are not killed by the poison, and they have no natural enemies to kill them. Thus I become their natural enemy and must kill them.
The second cause of the flies I believe is the dog shit that has been accumulating in my back yard from my dog for the last 5 weeks. Yes, I’m fucking lazy. My backyard isn’t very big, so the flies eat the shit and breed and then manage to find their way into my house. Thus begins my war on flies and on dog shit. I need to go to the store and buy some flypaper and a dog shit scoop. I also need to buy new trashcans cause my old ones are gross and don’t have good lids.
Anyway, what a shitty weekend for the most part. Friday was OK. I hung out my wife’s friend and husband, which was fun. Then Saturday sucked even though I saw Batman Begins, which was good. Then Sunday was uneventful and hot (104°), and I botched two sweet ass goal scoring opportunities in hockey. We won, but I didn’t score any goals. I had this awesome breakaway, deeked the goalie forehand side and then went backhand wide-open net, and I missed the fucking puck. Damn it. The other one I was point plank in front of the net, got a pass and flung it right into the goalies chest. Ah, well. It was fun and a good workout.
I think right now at age 24, I’m at my physical peak. I’m 6’3” 185 pounds, almost no fat on me. I’m in pretty good cardiovascular shape, and I feel strong. Hockey is an amazing workout.
Today I’m violating the dress code at work. Clothes must be a conservative style and color. Ha, fuckers, I’m wearing flashy dress pants from Express that are not conservative in style and a flashy pinkish, redish, greenish, tie that is definitely not conservative in color. Write me up bitches.
Labels: Disenfranchisement and Delusion within Corporate America, Hockey, Home Improvements
posted by lawryde at
9:54 PM
5 Comments:
Fuck Hey Lawryde. Tomorrow wear your underwear on the outside of your dress pants and wear short sleeves! That'll Show 'em.
Fresh
By
Anonymous, at 4:53 PM, July 25, 2005
I meant to say Fuck Yeah, but I'm hotter then Hell!
By
Anonymous, at 4:55 PM, July 25, 2005
You reached your sexual peak at 18. The physical peak can't be far behind, though I've managed to defy the odds up to a point with vigorous exercise. The beer is catching up with me.
As far as your fly problem, CLEAN UP THAT FUCKING DOGSHIT unless you want your place to become a national sactuary and breeding ground for flies. If that doesn't work, try moving your garbage dumpster away from the house. And if that doesn't work, it probably because the former owner murdered his wife and kids and buried them in the back yard. I'd get a back hoe and see what you can did up.
Have a better than average day.
CT
By the way, you should post a picture of your rebellious work ensemble.
By
Chris, at 5:27 PM, July 25, 2005
My house is like 90 years old. Some muskrat or squirrel climbed into the attic last summer and decided to die. (Must be like 150 in there or something) It stanked for days. (stanked is a word when you smell that decaying carcass for a week)
We couldn't get to the source of the problem because it was pinned and bloated and shit. So we just let it go and the stank baked away.
A week later the baby flies came.... Freaking swarm ended up near the closest source of light: The upstairs master bathroom. Holy Shit, I felt like Simon in Lord of the Flies. I opened the window and closed the door. We went away for a few days and they left.
Point being, did something die nearby?
I wonder if the skeleton is all there?
By
Steve, at 9:41 PM, July 25, 2005
God damn you, steve, why'd you have to mention Lord of the Flies? I hate that damn book!
Anyways, lawryde, just get off your ass and clean up the shit. Or con a friend into doing it for you.
By
Kevin W., at 11:22 PM, July 25, 2005
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