Perception
I had my performance review today. I got fucked because of a perception that I don’t work 40 hours a week, more the fact that I won’t work more than 40 hours a week. The fact that I love my family and would rather be with them than be in corporate America playing with myself. There was no question that I produce results, in fact, I’m above average in my work output. It just “doesn’t seem like” I “put in a hard-40 hours”. I seem to have “more potential”. This means that they aren’t squeezing enough juice out of this orange.
I don’t work for Opposite of Dog. I work for me and I work for my family. I lease my services out to Opposite of Dog.
“What more could I have done”
No response. Pause. Pause.
It just “doesn’t seem like you put in a hard-40 hours”
Any specific examples?
No response Pause. Pause.
So I don’t get to be an “ENGINEER” and get an additional 3.5% because it appears in their eyes that I’m not here enough.
Yes, I leave to go to my wife’s doctor’s appointments because I want to be a part of my son’s life.
Yes, I leave to go to see a shrink because I’m fucked up in the head.
Yes, I leave when there is a logical stopping point in the work I’m doing for the day. If that’s 15 or 30 min before 8 and ½ hours then who gives a fuck. I produce results. I’m never late with those results. You have no more suggestions on what I could have done this year. It just appears that I’m not in the building enough. No real facts or figures to back that up with even though I can list off all kinds of dollars I’ve saved the company, and how many different projects and machines I’ve worked on. They both have a feeling.
I’ve got a feeling too, it’s a mix of rage and bile in the back of my throat.
I forget that sometimes you have to play the game. I won’t forget after today.
I won’t forget the frantic walk out to my car, and the drive to the back of the parking lot. I lost it there. I’d been saving them up for a while and this was as good a time as any to let them go.
I called her up and choked out.
“I’m sorry”
“I fucked up”
It’s not my fault she tells me. I can’t help but feel it is. We’ll have $170 less a month until I can instill confidence in the big man that I do put in “a hard-40 hours”
In two months, maybe four, maybe six, I may get that 3.5% back.
So I’ll write it down for him. I’ll keep tabs, but I’ll be damned if it’s a second over 40 hours.
Not now, not ever.
I don’t work for Opposite of Dog. I work for me and I work for my family. I lease my services out to Opposite of Dog.
“What more could I have done”
No response. Pause. Pause.
It just “doesn’t seem like you put in a hard-40 hours”
Any specific examples?
No response Pause. Pause.
So I don’t get to be an “ENGINEER” and get an additional 3.5% because it appears in their eyes that I’m not here enough.
Yes, I leave to go to my wife’s doctor’s appointments because I want to be a part of my son’s life.
Yes, I leave to go to see a shrink because I’m fucked up in the head.
Yes, I leave when there is a logical stopping point in the work I’m doing for the day. If that’s 15 or 30 min before 8 and ½ hours then who gives a fuck. I produce results. I’m never late with those results. You have no more suggestions on what I could have done this year. It just appears that I’m not in the building enough. No real facts or figures to back that up with even though I can list off all kinds of dollars I’ve saved the company, and how many different projects and machines I’ve worked on. They both have a feeling.
I’ve got a feeling too, it’s a mix of rage and bile in the back of my throat.
I forget that sometimes you have to play the game. I won’t forget after today.
I won’t forget the frantic walk out to my car, and the drive to the back of the parking lot. I lost it there. I’d been saving them up for a while and this was as good a time as any to let them go.
I called her up and choked out.
“I’m sorry”
“I fucked up”
It’s not my fault she tells me. I can’t help but feel it is. We’ll have $170 less a month until I can instill confidence in the big man that I do put in “a hard-40 hours”
In two months, maybe four, maybe six, I may get that 3.5% back.
So I’ll write it down for him. I’ll keep tabs, but I’ll be damned if it’s a second over 40 hours.
Not now, not ever.
Labels: Disenfranchisement and Delusion within Corporate America, Family, Money
posted by lawryde at
3:39 PM
3 Comments:
Hmmm...
Cheer up man. It sounds like you are a smart hardworking and caring person. There is a reason why this guy is a boss and it probably has to do with him being the right dickhead for the job. I think you turn the tables a bit. I have to do a bit of service for one of my customers when I am there. He says he never sees a report, a cost usage or jack from me. Note: We're the only company in our field that requires a report, offers a cost usage and gives away free shit more often than not. Plus I email his reports frequently to his office, his assistant and his manager!! I was about to lost the account. What I did was create a journal. I put it in a binder with his logo and shit along with his safetly sheets (I sell dangerous cleaning chemicals). Did I create more work for me? Nope... I created work for him. See. I sign in and sign out and check the journal for service crap I need to do and then put crap in he needs to do and sign off on. A few months later, we see who is checking the journal and who isn't! What I am doing is forcing him to check my work by creating bureacracy. Since I do what I say, he can't hold it against me. You don't have to really show it to them. Just keep track and when that day comes when you are up for review, ya bring the journal and he's fucked!
By
Steve, at 1:26 AM, December 15, 2005
I've been longing to publish my manifesto on double standards regarding on-the-job performance.
The manifesto has been sitting in my "draft" folder for months. You fit the mold perfectly. So do I.
The manifesto will never get published because some imbicile (probably head of HR or one of goons) from the home office have been frequenting my blog and I certainly don't want them seeing me vent my frustrations online. Maybe your boss has been reading your blog.
In the meantime, remember, there is always a penalty for not achieving minimum levels of commitment regardless of how productive or valuable you are. The upside is another story. You can never do enough to please "the man" and they will always expect more and ding you if you don't deliver. Damned if you do, damned if you don't.
Merry Fucking Christmas.
By
Anonymous, at 2:42 PM, December 15, 2005
Congratulations! You just learned a huge life lesson about how fucked up the business world really is. It only took me 17yrs of my professional life to learn that very lesson. I'm just sorry you had to learn it now. Really bad timing for you. The most important thing I realized was that the only person you can ever really please is yourself. The boss will always want more from you. Never give more than you want to,( as long as your performance doesnt suffer). Bosses care about production and how you make them look.I used to look to my employer for the positive reinforcement I deserved, now I only care about meeting my own personal standards. And guess what, my output has decreased, I'm less stressed, and nobody cares because they still perceive me to be the exemplery employee I always was, when infact I get away with as much as I can. I simply put on a good show fot the right people. I'm happy and they're happy. Because in the end, all a job really is, is a paycheck so you can go home and do the things that are important to you.
By
Anonymous, at 12:03 PM, December 16, 2005
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