Pure Gonzo Engineering

Semi Charmed Kind of Life

2011-01-14T23:06:00.003-06:00

My coworker asked me at the start of the year if it seemed like nothing was happening with this merger.

I told him yeah, but what is it supposed to seem like? Does he expect them to come in and paint everything highway yellow. All the lawyers and accountants are busy little bees right now.

There was this fantastic fucking news.

Aurora plant capital investment has stopped. Engineering of Opposite of Dog hydraulic shovels has stopped. +1, double-plus-good, Like.

Milwaukee will engineer and produce mining shovels for Opposite of Dog. The first twitch my brain had when this was announced that was that I’d have to move to Aurora. Not anymore.

So now I’m just enjoying living a few blocks away from a big frozen sheet of ice that has a bunch of guys who enjoy playing hockey on it and keeping it maintained.

The boys are going to be crazy good. They learn exponentially fast. At 2.5, having only gone skating 4 times Oz can stand up on his own, hit the puck around and shuffle skate. Carter can go full on forward with no support.

Brings me back to skating at Witter and Robinson. Some of my more lucid memories have the cold and/or outdoors associated with them. I'm fairly smart, but my memory of events in my life is pretty much garbage, sort of like a goldfish... a bit better than a goldfish, but not much.

Maybe that's why I like skating outside so much. It brings back those crisp, clear memories, not the haze or complete voids of most of the last 29 years.

An all 90's rock radio weekend can bring back some clear memories as well.

I don't really know if liking Third Eye Blind is a positive or negative memory.

When it was over, nothing was solved, but nothing mattered. We all felt saved.

2010-12-29T19:19:00.006-06:00

Great line, but anyway...

We took the boys skating today at our local frozen lagoon in our neighborhood park.

Peoria can go fuck itself. You're too far south to even consider having outdoor ice for any meaningful amount of time, and your taxes are too low to support a massive park system this socialist construct of a city has.

Using something that is 120 years old , doing something as pure and amazing as ice skating, is so fantastic I can't even put words to it.

Spent too much this Christmas, head hurts, work room is a mess, things to do, bills to pay...

Fuck.

All.

That.

The ice, and the cool air, and the sun, and the sound of the blades on the ice make everything OK.

Playing hockey with my boys, or whatever it is they do as they flop around learning to skate and hit the puck, makes everything well with the universe.

The fact that, other than tomorrow when it's going to rain (WTF?), I'll be able to come here whenever I want for free and do this makes me the warm little center of the universe.

Feel free to crowd around me.

At the End of the Day Goddamnit I’m Killin’ this Shit

2010-12-21T18:07:00.000-06:00

When Christmas break rolls around I’ll have seven months in at Crawford County, OH. I’m looking forward to having a week and a half off. It’s been a furious string of designing for the last 7 months. The way we are designing this machine is A-typical, really Pure Gonzo Engineering. What we did at Opposite of Dog was structured and regimented compared to this. This is fun, and raw, and hectic. It’s all being done in parallel to get it done faster, which means more changes, and more mistakes that need to be fixed.

The scope and scale of this is just mind blowing. I saw the frame of my piece being built in Manitowoc last Wednesday. It’s about 30ft wide, 7ft deep, and 13ft tall and weighs around 30,000 pounds, just the frame of just my piece, three male African elephants. I’m in charge of a piece that is as heavy and as complex as an entire Opposite of Dog machine. Me and four other guys are bringing it to fruition.

It is a God damn Greek tragedy that Opposite of Dog is going to buy this company. It celebrated 130 years in December. It won’t see 131. I plan on wearing all black the day the sale is final. The death of a legend.

Sure Opposite of Dog will retain the name on some product, but far enough down the line all the horrible things Opposite of Dog is about will slowly leach into this company. The useless managers will come with their useless processes.

What a fucking shame. I really like it here. I like how things are done. I like how my boss actually knows something. I like my coworkers. I like this town.

Nothing is static, everything is evolving, everything is falling apart.

Operation Impending Doom 2

2010-12-09T23:41:00.003-06:00

I've always fancied myself a pretty good engineer.

Not necessarily the kind that will ever be recognized in any way for greatness, but one that is creative. I think I have the ability to come up with elegant creative ways to address a problem. Something you can't necessarily teach or become good at through study or even training.

I see the forest for the trees. I'm a system designer with the big picture in mind, other people can worry about the details.

Last week I got the warm fuzzy feeling that my boss also thinks I'm a pretty good engineer.

He came up to me and asked to talk privately with him. I initially got struck by that cold bucket of water of fear. Had I been on the internet too much? Did I do something wrong?

We sat down as I started to sweat a little.

"First," He said, "I want to ask you to sit in on interviewing candidates for a senior test engineering position."

Ahhh, fear washes away.

"I think you can ask some intelligent questions to any candidates that come in."

A little ego stroke once in a while feels good. His second agenda item in our little talk took me a bit more by surprise.

"What interest do you have in being a test engineer on this machine?"

I wasn't really ready for that. I kind of just started talking out load to him about how number one I don't want to travel all over the world for months on end to test this behemoth. (South Milwaukee doesn't really have any open pit mines in it.)

I kept blabbering a bit and finally made my way to the real reason I didn't want to test this machine. I'd be set up to fail. I know the time lines they are looking at, and I know what it takes to test a machine that isn't much bigger than a Ford F250, so this thing would be a monster task. This companies upper management does not understand that right now.

Plus, with opposite of dog taking over in 6 months who knows if that sort of position would be relevant in 6 months.

My boss seemed to respect what I said. Overall I think I turned down the proposition pretty gracefully.

I sat in on the interviews on two clowns they wanted to run test. Neither really impressed me. We are kind of looking for a Unicorn of an engineer though. Too much experience and breadth of knowledge required (I don't have enough on paper.)

I had never been on the other side of an interview table before. It was kind of surreal, especially asking the guy who was like 50 years old some tough questions and watching him dodge them.

I feel pretty good about what people think of me after 6 months of working here. It's just a shame this shadow of corporate evil is looming in the future. My only purpose at work now is to get this machine designed and built and working before our new corporate overlords take over.

What do we do now? … Now? Now, We Wait

2010-11-21T08:41:00.002-06:00

I’m more at peace with this entire situation now. It doesn’t give me this dream like feeling when I’m confronted with the information. Just like everyone will die some day, Opposite of Dog will be our new corporate master some day in the future.

I’m glad some people are going to make some fast cash out of the deal. This lady will get a settlement I’m sure, and our boss cashed in right away. (Legal, but still kind of a shady move. Why didn't he sell last Friday? Oh right, he knew he'd make around $600,000 more if he waited the weekend.)

I’m comforted in looking at other companies Opposite of Dog has swallowed. They’ve kept their identity and colors, but just have a little owned by Opposite of Dog subscript on their website. We have more of their core product so our assimilation may be more yellow than the rest.

Here we are trapped in the amber of the moment. There is no why.

2010-11-17T23:34:00.001-06:00

I’m still having a hard time grasping this reality.

When I was walked out of the Sandbox I expected to never set foot on Opposite of Dog property ever again.

Yesterday my wife was sick so I stayed home to watch the boys. I decided to put window plastic up on our drafty 60+ year old windows.

It’s not a job I’d normally be any good at. It takes too much patience and precision.

I paint with broad strokes.

I slowed down and let my mind come to terms with this new world I was thrust into. My head was clear as I put down the tape, put up the plastic, shrank it with the hair dryer and trimmed it was a razor.

By the time I had several done I felt less scrambled.

The irony of the situation isn’t lost on me.

I appreciate this sick sense of humor the universe has.

I left Peoria, and Peoria decided to follow me. I wanted freedom from the endless processes of the machine and the bosses bosses bosses boss, none of whom know a damn thing about what is going on, yet they will be back. They will come to this group of engineers who still exist in a corporate framework, but at the end of the day are accountable to each other more than their superiors. We design to make something great, not to fulfill metrics and be “Green” for gate reviews.

Maybe I can take part in how the transition happens. Maybe I can make my voice heard as the big fish swallows the little fish.

Was I Asleep? Had I Slept? Is Opposite of Dog my bad dream, or I am Opposite of Dog’s?

2010-11-15T23:34:00.004-06:00

I began the day like I had most work days since I moved to Milwaukee. I got up, took the dog out, showered, shaved, put on my shirt and tie and went to work.

I got in before my boss, sat down and looked at a few erroneous emails I had gotten late Friday.

At about 6:40 am Central Standard Time, I got an email in my inbox from Opposite of Dog’s press release department.

I blinked hard. This was a joke, a clever email sent by an old coworker. It had to be. I clicked on the link. Opposite of Dog’s website came up, the highway yellow staring me in the face. Sure as shit, they bought us. By this time my boss had showed up. I went over to him and relayed the shocking news. He didn’t believe me either.

The rest of the morning was kind of a shell-shocked blur. This bizarre string of events had my mind swimming.

There was fear, relief, wonder, loathing. I left this place, and now they bought the company I went to.

This could be a good thing. They are keeping global mining in South Milwaukee. If they keep me, I get my seniority back, and my week vacation. By leaving I just piggybacked up to a 24 salary grade, 6% 401K match, 18% bonus, cheaper health care, all the shit they dangle in front of people to keep them in Central Illinois Hell I would get to have in wondrous Wisconsin.

There is the danger of being considered a “redundancy”. I think I left on good terms. No lawsuit to get that weeks pay they boned me out of, some strong words to an HR guy that he should have let me know I wouldn’t be getting paid, but I gave up on it. I know their system, I know this system, I should be valuable enough to keep.

I can only speculate on what the next year will hold.

Just like doctor Frankenstein. I officially bring this blog back to life because there are going to be some kick ass stories to tell as this shit goes down, and that’s the only reason anyone does anything any way, to have a good story to tell.

Pure Fucking Gonzo Engineering.

Since I am the main character in the story of lawryde. I can only assume this is how the conversation went in Opposite of Dog's board room.

“How much to get lawryde back…

8.6 billion…

Do it.”

Un-Fucking Believable

Pure Gonzo Engineering

2010-05-09T21:53:00.007-05:00

I've been silent for the last month because I've been running the biggest deception of my life.

Tomorrow I'm going to resign from Opposite of Dog I'll give them my two weeks notice, and they'll probably walk me out because I work on machines that are critical to their new EPA emissions product launch. I'm on the front lines and I'm going to work for "competition"

I'll call them Crawford County Ohio, even though they are in South Eastern Wisconsin.

That's right, I'm moving back to the state I love, the resolution of the subtitle to this blog.

I'm getting a 9% raise over the 5% I just got from Opposite of Dog. Crawford County Ohio is paying me a grossed up $7500 to cover incidental moving expenses, paying the closing costs on my house in Bay View, paying in full a moving company to move me out of this cornfield hell, fully packing, moving, and storing my stuff for up to 60 days. Pretty nice deal.

This has been in the works for a while now. Seems like forever. It's the perfect job for me. Same line of work, same type of machinery, hydraulics, and I get to wear a tie to work. The Sand Box and the dirt was fun, but it couldn't last forever. Opposite of Dog's philosophy of management is horrible so if I stayed I'd end up being a jackass who makes powerpoints and attends meetings all day. Crawford County Ohio keeps its managers involved in the technical aspect. I like that.

We sold our house in 24 hours. It's pretty great, and I'm sad to leave it. We've made it our own. It has our blood and sweat in it. It's were Oz was born. We bought a new house in less than 5 days, just in time to take advantage of the $6500 repeat home buyer tax credit. Things that fall into place like this did were always meant to be. (You're always reading this blog post.)

So that's it. I start May 24. We close on the Peoria house on May 28, the Bay View house on June 2.

This is also the official end of this blog.

It was created to deal with Peoria and Opposite of Dog. That is done now. It would be disingenuous to continue posting under its title. Maybe I'll start something new and let people who I know would be interested about it, but this blog is done.

In the words (more or less) of Hunter S. Thompson

There is no point in looking back. Fuck no, not today, thank you kindly. My heart is filled with joy.

I'm Perfect on Paper

2010-03-30T22:27:00.001-05:00

Still alive. Just Busy.

Working on wrapping up this wretched assignment.

The American Dream in action, Pure Gonzo Engineering.

Cold and Alone

2010-03-07T16:17:00.003-06:00

A Moose and a Beaver

2010-03-01T13:53:00.000-06:00

That was a nice little blog break this weekend. My birthday was pretty good. I got some books, and some money, and some boxers. Then I put my self into an all you can eat sushi and Chinese buffet coma. Luckily I came out of it in time for some vigorous sex.

What a great weekend for hockey. Too bad the USA couldn’t pull it off, but a great game. It sucked Crosby got the game winner too. I would have rather seen anyone else on team Canada get it. Anyone, a moose, a beaver, anyone.

That game had some of the highest ratings of any sporting event in recent history. The NHL and Gary “I want to go on several dates with Sidney Crosby then make sweet, sweet love to him and have his baby” Bettman shouldn’t be too excited though. Olympic hockey is something special. I like watching NHL hockey, but those two USA-Canada games were the best hockey games I’ve ever watched. It cracked me up they were trying to somehow explain fore checking to NBC viewers by relating it to the blitz in football. Guess what? Hockey will never be anywhere near as popular as football, basketball, or baseball in the United States. Why? You can’t just go out and play it in 90% of the United States 95% of the year. (They say 60% of the time it works every time) It takes special equipment and a special surface. Those other sports require a ball and a surface you can find almost anywhere or make up on your own easily. Hockey will always be a niche sport, but that’s part of its charm. I don’t want every asshole to like hockey.

My team of misfits almost beat the second best team in our league. We were winning most of the game an only ended up loosing 4-3, this after loosing to them like 8-1 or something like that last time. I can not score though for whatever reason. I had a chance all alone in front of the net about 10 feet out, and I buried it right in the guy’s chest. I need to work on elevating the puck.

Now that I’m a Senior Engineer at work I feel as though I need to contribute in a more meaningful way. I rocked it out pretty well this morning, but when I rock it out I’m too good and then have nothing to do in the afternoon. I need to pace the brilliance out.

When my promo announcement comes out I have a feeling there is going to be some unhappy people. My nonbeliever status in regards to overtime doesn’t go over well with the dudes putting in 50-60 hours a week. That’s not really my fault though. Fuck taking a pay cut. Find a metric a manager cares about and hang your hat on it. The rest will follow.

I’m attempting to cut my soda intake. I’m backing it off slow, like a junky trying to get clean. I’m limiting myself to 2 cans at work and one at home per day. In a week I’ll cut it to one at work and one at home. Then hopefully one in the morning and that’s it. My 29 year old body can’t handle all the high fructose corn syrup and mercury and aluminum.

You Electrify My Life.

2010-02-26T10:24:00.002-06:00

30 or so minutes into my birthday it was already a good day. I haven't felt that good since Archie Gimmel scored against Holland in 1978! I’ll have to remember to thank my friend? Will when I see him again for his butterfly flapping its wings creating a hurricane.

I was able to post every day for a month straight. I’m pretty proud of myself. I’m coming up of the 5 year anniversary of this blog. My wife says the tone and content of my posts has changed dramatically over the five years. I’ll have to start reading the archives and see. I imagine it has, when you know no one is listening you yell a lot louder. Now I can’t be fully sure who all reads this. I have a vague idea based on the IP traffic I can see. If you read this post, leave a comment. Anything. Just say hello if you don’t know what to say, or wish me a Happy Birthday, or I’ll block you IP address. I can do that. I’ve blocked several Opposite of Dog IP addresses so no one from work can actually look at this at work, can’t be too careful in that respect.

So yeah, there it is. I’m 29. It’s my last year of not being old. Yes, I’ve already got a careerish type job and a family and a mortgage, but if you’re still in your 20’s you can at least still say you’re in your twenties, grasping at those wonderfully free and burden free early twenties. Hopefully it will be decent, 28 wasn’t particularly great.

I have a Couple Rhetorical Questions.

2010-02-25T14:33:00.000-06:00

The first being, Is it wrong that I find women’s curling mildly erotic? Strange I know, maybe it’s just pornography escalation coming full circle back to the mundane.

This has by far been the worst month leading up to my birthday ever. It hasn’t been all bad I admit, but the highlights have just been muted, like my promotion. I’ve only had it dangled in front of me for like 6 months, so getting it wasn’t full of elation, it was just a well yeah, I’ve deserved that for way longer than this.

Just people dying, relationships fracturing, frustration escalating, and fear rising.

The only thing I can think of to make things better is to make detailed plans to make things better, which in some cases I have.

As a birthday/promotion/make me feel better present to myself I think I’m going to buy some new hockey pants, Warrior brand of course. With gift money from my parents, remaining fun tax money left over after buying my new shin guards, and money from selling my old shin guards, they’ll only cost $29 of real money. I think I deserve that. I’m such a whore for Warrior gear. I think that’s about all the Warrior stuff I could buy other than shoulder pads, but they would be so overkill for a no check league it would be ridiculous. (Some dudes don’t even wear them, and I cut off the hard plastic pads on mine anyway.)

Looks like I’m going to make it. One more post tomorrow on my birthday and I’ll have done it. It wasn’t as hard as I thought, maybe I’ll be able to keep it up, maybe not once a day, but I’ve been able to see the anecdotes in daily life now again.

Second question: Am I less of a man for really, really liking show tunes?

Substitute Peoria for skid-row and downtown, too many syllables I know.

Mmmm, That Feels Good

2010-02-24T19:26:00.004-06:00

I am pleased to announce the promotion of Lawryde to Senior Engineer effective March 1, 2010. For the last 3 1/2 years, Lawryde has been in the in Hydraulics System Development team at Opposite of Dog. He has been instrumental in the development and validation of Track-Type Tractor and Pipelayer Tier3 and Tier4 new product introduction programs. He has exhibited leadership and initiative with responsibilities for the D6T Tier 4i machine level hydraulic validation. This significant Tier4 machine has been aggressive and demanding. He has identified multiple issues and drove resolution through his strong working relationships within the product groups and Hydraulic Systems Group.

Please join me in congratulating Lawryde on a well-deserved promotion, and wishing him well as he continues to provide highly valued work to the enterprise.

**** *******
Opposite of Dog
Hydraulic Development & Validation
Opposite of Dog Proving Grounds
Phone: ***-***-****

Once again: They bought it.

You'll have a hard time convincing me

2010-02-23T12:49:00.004-06:00

of any benefit of religion, or that there is an active God for that matter.

This shit breaks my heart.

16 months old? Seriously? Most 16 month olds only have the capacity to say a few words and certainly don't have a full understanding of the context of them.

What a fucking world we live in. What is the separation between these nut jobs and your common Christian. If you believe in a virgin giving birth why can't you believe God will resurrect your son you just starved to death?

Absolute bullshit. People like that should be stoned to death with crosses by women who've made the hard decision to have an abortion and gay men and women who can't get married.

OMG

2010-02-22T10:41:00.000-06:00

This is it, final week of posting every day. Friday is my birthday. Have you picked out my gift yet? I’m pretty difficult to shop for.

Did you watch the USA vs Canada hockey game last night? It was probably one of the best games I’ve watched in a long time. The way the bracket is set up now, either Canada or Russia can’t win a medal. Neither of them might if they lose earlier or later, but if you asked someone to predict who would medal you would have said Russia, Canada, and Sweden, maybe the United States if they got their shit together. Now who knows how it will go down?

Totally unrelated, I know that if you’re religious it really matters to you, but I really can’t stand people who are so obsessed and into it that it’s the only thing they talk about. Yeah, I know you love god and it just makes you so great, but stop talking about it. Remember what Jesus said about the Pharisees. I vaguely do, so you really should know because you love Jesus so much. Carter loves Jesus and he’s only 4, and we don’t ever go to church. I guess that’s god trying to lasso me back in. At least he’s just being subtle and not shoving it in my face like all his crazed followers constantly do.

I Hope Tomorrow is a Snow Day

2010-02-21T23:39:00.002-06:00

I'm really tired from laying carpet in our basement (my hands are dry and raw), playing hockey (losing 10-0 and getting in a ruckus at the end of the game), and watching the Olympics this weekend. (Awesome USA Vs Canada game)

I really want it to snow enough tonight so I don't have to go to work tomorrow.

6-8 inches could justify that in Peoria.

Calling a Spade a Spade

2010-02-20T23:08:00.003-06:00

Apparently that phrase is not racist as it predates the racial slur of calling African American's "spades". (I wasn't going to title the post this, but I checked and it's OK.)

So I've found that Menards yard rats are the same jack off no nothings even when they work at the upscale we're too good for Peoria one in Washington. Fucking pretentious Washington.

We got some carpet for the basement today and they didn't have enough at the Peoria Menards so we had to go to pick up our third 15' section at the one in Washington. I had to go to the yard to pick it up. Ugh, I thought I'm going to have to talk to a dirty yard rat. Literally the bottom rung of societies jobs. (It's funny I was worried about being racist at the beginning of this post. Although yard rats are not a race, just a socioeconomic class I think.)

So I drive to the gate the head yard rat tells me to go to, and I talk to this kid who looks like a slacker geek. I hate to judge books by their covers, being a tattooed engineer, but I do it all the time. I think I've thought every person I've ever met (including friends) is a huge jackass who I'd never want to associate with, and then later find out they are pretty cool.

I don't think that would happen with this kid. He goes and gets my carpet, which isn't already cut like they said it would be. He comes back with this other kid and they give me some quick mental math thing about how much they gave me, which doesn't sound right to me. He claimed he gave me more than what I paid for and he had "saved me big money by shopping at Menards" I smiled a pained smile and thanked him.

I hurried out of the yard so as not to draw any more yard rats to my vehicle.

When I unrolled the carpet I think he gave me a bit less than I actually paid for, luckily I over estimated to allow for some scrap. Seriously, can't trust a yard rat.

7/64

2010-02-19T23:43:00.003-06:00

I'm thoroughly convinced that the engineers at faucet companies are incompetent douche bags. Back when I was trying to find an adapter to fill our birth pool I found our sink aerator had 55/64-27 threads on it.

Our Moen shower cartridge valve is leaking so I need to replace it. The set screw on the handle has an allen head on it. I tried all the allen wrenches I had at home and none of them worked 1/8 was too big and 3/32 was too small.

Really guys, you had to use one with a 7/64 allen head? Really? 1/8 too common for you? Is it trying to be different or just difficult? Why not make it a torx bit to make it even more of a pain in the ass to change, or how about those queer bolts with just to small holes on the head like they have on elevator panels. Make it a real challenge to get into.

I guess that's the way you tell the world to fuck off because you're designing shower handles.

I can see that design review meeting right now.

"Whao! Whao! Whao!, Johnson, what the hell is that? Is that an 1/8 allen head set screw you've got holding that handle on."

"Yes."

"How long have you been working here son?"

"6 months"

"Ah, the impetuousness of youth... You do realize you're designing shower handles? You're going to be designing shower handles for a long time. You really want to give Joe Pulic the ease of taking off an 1/8 allen head set screw?"

"It's serviceable though, everyone has an 1/8 allen wrench in their set."

"You're Goddamn right it is, and you're Goddamn right they do. You better make it a 7/64 allen. We are fucking shower handle designers, are we not."

And.... scene.

Go Olympics

2010-02-18T23:41:00.001-06:00

Yesterday the Olympics had higher ratings than American Idol. That's awesome.

Maybe there is hope for use yet.

(Shortest post ever, but it counts.)

Gingervitis

2010-02-17T22:30:00.003-06:00

Just watched Shaun White win gold in the half pipe. He is just so much better than everyone else. Too bad he's an ugly ginger kid. I do dig the American flag bandanna over the face too.

Kind of reminds me of the Flobots. Did he steal it from them, or them from him? Hmmmm.

I'm taking a half day tomorrow. My parents are here, and I also want to play hockey later tomorrow night.

It's a shame too because I kind of felt good again about work today. Earned my raise as it were. Came up with a creative solution to a potentially expensive problem. It was just hanging their in the meeting we were having, and no one else could grab it. I was reluctant to because it potentially meant more work for me, but I had to let it fly. I got some "Oh, sweet idea, why didn't we all think of that" looks and comments. It felt good.

Yeah, and Maybe I'm a Chinese Jet Pilot

2010-02-16T23:11:00.004-06:00

I have nothing else to write about so it's going to be this sexist post about women's hockey.

In particular Chinese Women's hockey. It's really just painful to watch. It's so slow and so lack luster. It's like looking at a Kohl's women's underwear add when you could be having sex.

I'm sure if the Chinese worked on it they could have the best women's team. Which is like being the being the winner of the ugliest dog competition.

I had watched like two women's games and then saw the men's Canada vs. Norway, and I could barely follow the action, my mind had fallen so asleep and docile. It was like coming out of the dark ages into the Renaissance.

For any women who read this blog, I'm really sorry. You're sex is just not exciting to watch play hockey. I'm not a huge fan of watching sport in general so I need something to wow me.

The Dreams in Which I'm Dying are the Best I've Ever Had

2010-02-15T22:18:00.002-06:00

I'm having a hard time keeping this up.

I finished my paper review so I can get my raise. I did it in 2 hours. Makes sense though, it takes most engineers weeks to do their reviews. Writing papers on time got me my raise. It's what I can hang my hat on.

I also get to have a one on one with my bosses boss on my birthday. Hopefully I get a big pat on the back since that's the last day I'll just be an Engineer, and I'll be reborn as a Senior Engineer.

I fell asleep putting the kids to bed tonight thinking about dying. It was kind of funny, it was kind of depressing, but no fear.

Marcus Aurelius is Dead

2010-02-14T00:04:00.004-06:00

I walked out of my first hockey game earlier tonight.

Let me set the scene for you.

Our goalie doesn't show up. He didn't realize we had a game tonight, so when I called him he was at a Rivermen game. Ok, I can deal with not playing with a goalie. It sucks, but at least we still get to shoot at a goalie. It's implied we are going to lose. I can deal with that. I just want to skate hard and get better personally.

So we play and it's like 4-1 at the end of the first, so the game is pretty much over. One of their dudes skates over and is like, hey why don't we switch ends and our goalie can play for you for one period.

mmm, no thanks I say, because then it will be dumb because we'll just take a bunch of cheap shots to try and get up and then you'll just take a bunch of cheap shots to win the game. Let's just keep it how it is and roll with it. You guys are going to win, whatever.

Period two starts and they score a few more goals. Then I'm on the bench and halfway through the period they just say hey we're switching ends and we're going to shoot on our goalie. I yell from the bench "No, no way!!" They just go right ahead and do it anyway. I say, fuck this, I'm out of here. You don't get to win, and get to shoot on your own goalie for half the game and have him let a few in if we happen to get close on the open net. Fuck that. I have better things to do on a Saturday evening than pay a babysitter so I can shoot at a shooter tutor.

So I pack my shit up, shower and leave. I was fucking pissed. My guys just went along with it and switched ends. Did they really think they were giving us a chance to win? I'd already said at period break we weren't going to do it. I'm the goddamn Captain.

I'm over this town, and now I'm starting to be over this hockey league. Jackasses poaching down into lower divisions, that can't even win gracefully. If you can't win with some class I'm not going to be your wiping boy you let shoot at an open net to try and feel a bit better.

Holy Shit

2010-02-13T10:49:00.002-06:00

Don't watch this if you have a weak heart.

The Olympic investigation said something to the effect that the dude just overcompensated in the turns prior and it was all his fault he lost control and is dead.

Mmm, maybe if you had some fencing along those steal girders he just would have glanced off it rather than imparting all that energy into his spine.

You see the more time it takes for an impact to happen, the less energy that is transferred into the parts of your body you need to live. Hence crumple zones and padding.

Take some responsibility for this guys death. Put up some snow fences or something like they have in downhill skiing, maybe it won't look as nice, but it might save someones life.

Bologna Skins

2010-02-12T17:26:00.005-06:00

My wife is heading to Fargo today for her friend's mom's funeral. Yesterday I got the tires rotated on the car she was taking. Turns out the reason it's been a death trap skid machine in the snow this winter is that two of the tires were worn down to the steel belts in spots and had no tread left. Stupid Hyundai and their shitty OEM tires. (33,000 and two of them are toast and the other two have like 6000 miles more in them maybe.) I guess that's how you drive down the purchase price.

So I decide to lay down some decent money for two Goodyears that have a 65,000 mile warranty on them. I figured that if I bought a set of shit tires, I'd just be replacing them in 33,000 again rather than these that should last twice as long so it's actually a bit less than replacing them twice, saving on the mounting and balancing fees.

The tread on these new tires is sick compared to the old ones, even when they were new. I'll be able to rally car it in the snow next year, since I'll have to replace the other two by then.

So I guess I've been cheating death for the past few weeks on the bald bologna skins that could have failed at any moment due to being down to the steel. Glad I found out before my wife took them another 1400 miles though, and what else would I want to spend the first month of my promotion raise on rather than two new tires?

I can't think of anything.

Everything will be Alright

2010-02-11T08:37:00.001-06:00

I’ve tried to convince myself of that. When I was younger I had overwhelming optimism which made it easy to think that during difficult times.

I’m more realistic now. Your life is bound to have a bad ending, until then you just need to tread water so you don’t drown.

I hope I don’t pass that on to my children. I’d like to teach them not to fear life, not to die 1,000 deaths worrying about their own.

My Grandma had a picture or sewn thing in a room of her house that said Why worry when you can pray. Maybe that’s my problem. I can’t put my fate in the hands of an unseen benevolence, but in doing so I put all the pressure on myself.

It’s why I don’t like flying. I’m not in control, relying on someone else’s talent and wisdom to keep me safe.

I’ve got to hand to the management at work. I didn’t think forced morale was possible, but they are making our performance rating for this year count to our merit increases next year. Super smart and clever way to prevent people from slacking this year with no possibility of getting a raise this year. Whoever came up with that one should get a big fat raise… next year of course.

Google Loves Me (Gonzo Engineering)

2010-02-10T08:04:00.003-06:00

Although I somehow need to get above that dude who has the gonzo engineering website.

On a side note about engineering, everyone is shocked or surprised that Toyota is having these quality problems. I’m not.

Here’s how it works, you build a name for yourself by having stellar quality when you have low market share. People flock to your product because of it’s high quality and you drastically increase your market share.

You no longer can really gain much more market share, or increase your price so the only way to increase your profit (which is all anyone at the top cares about) is by cutting your product cost.

THERE IS NO WAY TO MAINTAIN QUALITY WHEN YOU CUT PRODUCT COST. Period

Things cost more for a reason. Someone spends time and care making them and/or they are made out of higher quality materials. This is true for a purely manufactured good. Once you’ve made it to the product level this may not be true because then you may be paying for a name or marketing.

So Toyota, you got greedy. You get to sleep in the bed you made, which is speeding away uncontrollably fast.

Waves of Emotion

2010-02-09T09:00:00.000-06:00

So that tingling feeling of something going to happen, happened, as it were.

My boss instant messages me and tells me he set up a one on one with me the next day early in the morning and wants to make sure I can make it.

My brain immediately recoils in horror thinking that I’ve been caught using the interweb too much, or that fact that I’m at work for exactly 8 hours a day now, not a minute more.

I try to feel out the situation so I don’t spend the evening throwing up in anticipation.

I message back, sure no problem. Do I need to have some yearly goals put together to discuss or something like that?

He messages back, Well, I wanted to tell you in person… Oh shit … that your promotion went through.

Cooling calm and joy fill my heart. All my finishing reports on time has paid off. I tell him that’s awesome and thank him for working it on his end.

So I get 5%, and now I’m a Senior Gonzo Engineer. Maybe the Gonzo won’t be listed, but we all know the truth. I guess the grays in my beard are deserved now. It will look nice on a resume too, puts me in a different category and bargaining position.

This morning the kids don’t wake up at some point from 5-7. Seriously, the day I need to get in by 7:30 and they don’t make a sound. On top of that we find out my wife’s friend’s mom died this morning. I’m full of panic, self worth, and sadness. I need to get to this meeting so I get out the door buy 7:08. Luckily Peoria did a halfway decent job clearing the streets after 3 inches of snow.

I tear up a bit as I climb the hill to work. It’s a combination of relief of getting this promotion they’ve dangled in front of me for so long, and the loss my wife’s friend has to deal with. I remember her wedding and talking to her mom, this kind, lovely, gracious woman, nevermore. I try to pull my shit together and navigate the country road without killing myself.

I make it to work 5 minutes late, no big deal, everyone is 5 minutes late to every meeting they go to.

I sit down after the meeting, which is really nothing groundbreaking after finding out the high point the day before, and I am able to breath and let my head stop swimming.

X was Larger than the Cost of Recall

2010-02-08T09:37:00.000-06:00

I’ll admit, I’m not a strong proponent of American cars, but I also don’t have a huge boner for the Japanese philosophy of design and engineering. Much like many of the people in the company I work for do, and they had a hard time hiding it until now.

Nothing softens you up like a family of four uncontrollably accelerating into a 25 mph curve on a country road.

This whole thing proves that Toyota’s methodology, and the Toyota Production System are nothing special. They just got lucky for longer than their American counterparts. Eventually you’re going to design something that kills someone.

Maybe all the American design and manufacturing firms should stop trying to be like the Japanese and get back to what made us great, innovation and Gonzo Engineering. Take your philosophies and methodologies and go sell them to someone with too much money. Let’s just design some cool shit.

You Have to Know the Answer to this Question.

2010-02-07T22:58:00.004-06:00

Narrator: [Tyler steers the car into the opposite lane and accelerates] What are you doing?

Tyler Durden: Guys, what would you wish you'd done before you died?

Ricky: Paint a self-portrait.

The Mechanic: Build a house.

Tyler Durden: [to Narrator] And you?

Narrator: I don't know. Turn the wheel now, come on!

Tyler Durden: You have to know the answer to this question! If you died right now, how would you feel about your life?

Narrator: I don't know, I wouldn't feel anything good about my life, is that what you want to hear me say? Fine. Come on!

Tyler Durden: Not good enough.

I didn't feel good about my life this morning. I was tired and angry, and I didn't want to be awake with the kids, and I didn't want to go grocery shopping, and I didn't want to be in Peoria, and I didn't want to be working a job I find no meaning in anymore.

Luckily we went skating this afternoon. Carter was able to let go of the buckets and just hold my hand and skate. His fourth time on this ice and he's almost on his own. Pretty impressive. Oz is just too young. Somehow he fell on his but and bit his lip and was bleeding about 5 minutes into the whole thing. Poor little guy. He looked so tiny on the ice, totally out of place. He's not even two yet.

Then tonight while most people were enjoying the Super Bowl, I found a spot on one of my basement tiles. Devil water... There is no containing you. Turns out I had fucked up my drain line routing on my kitchen sink back when we did it a year or so ago. I didn't have the straight far enough into the trap so the little ring didn't have enough surface to seal on. So I ran over to Lowe's and grabbed and extension and put it in. No leaks after running a bit of water through it and the dishwasher draining into it. I probably should have looked for a vacuum breaker since my vent pipe in that line is also fucked, (I'm guessing a possum is stuck in the line, or so my Canadian friend and I have theorized) but I was in a bit of a hurry at Lowe's so I didn't stay and look around much for the breaker.

Tomorrow we are supposed to get like 5-7 inches of snow. Maybe I won't have to go into work, or Tuesday maybe.

I told my wife I had a good feeling that some company was going to call me this week. Either that or the feeling relates to some other looming system failure in my house. I guess I'll find out.

Getting it in Under the Wire

2010-02-06T23:30:00.004-06:00

My mind is like a fog. I have no good ideas for a post, and am just trying to put something down out of obligation to myself in saying that I would post once per day until my birthday no matter what.

Today the snow outside was perfect. It had melted a bit from the sun and the boys and I and the dog went outside. I picked up handfuls of snow and wadded it up into a ball. Carter tried to do it, but he kept pushing too hard and they wouldn't stay together for him. I made a few for him, as I made my own and threw them against the dead/dying tree in our back yard.

The pop of a snowball as it impacts something is one of my favorite winter sounds. There's no other sound like that. It ranks right up their with the scrape of skates on the ice, and the sound your breath makes when it's absolutely silent out after it has just snowed. Pure and distinct sounds, ones that would make you sad to be deaf.

I'm a lousy aim so I only got to hear it four times out of like twenty. We went inside and did mundane things for the rest of the day.

The perfect snow made today worthwhile.

Still kind of seems like a StoneSour song to me. Live you get a bit more of the special percussion though.

Working Title

2010-02-05T14:56:00.002-06:00

To wrap up my discussion of my new Warrior Hitman shin guards, which I’m sure has been enthralling for everyone to read, they are fucking awesome.

They are much lighter than my old ones, although I don’t know if this is because they have less dried sweat on them or if they are truly lighter. They fit more snugly than my old ones. The strapping system is better, and the inner material doesn’t slide on your skin as easily. They have more of a curve and contour to them as well which make them hug and fit your legs better. I’m super happy with them. I had a couple goals at rat last night, and I can really only attribute them to the new shin guards… or something.

I don’t really have any special plans for this Super Bowl weekend. I got invited to a party, but I don’t know that I’ll go. We’re going to take both boys skating earlier in the day for sure.

Consecutive Blog Post #10

2010-02-04T12:20:00.000-06:00

This gets a bit easier as you go.

My new shin guards are pretty tits. (That’s hard to read, like is it beautiful tits, or is it very nearly tits? I don’t know. I guess I’ll go with beautiful tits, although that wasn’t the original intent.) I’ll give them a little test run tonight at rat. Hopefully they will perform as such.

I tend to get to work pretty late these days.

I don’t even wear a tie to work anymore.

Little Oz woke up this morning all bleary eyed and sauntered into the bathroom while I was getting ready for work. He pulled up a stool and sat down and just watched me for like 5 minutes. I looked over at him, his hair all disheveled, and he gave me a big smile.

I find both boys incredibly lovable and entertaining after they’ve decided to get up and have made it out of their room on their own.

I need to seriously look into employing a headhunter to find me a job in Wisconsin. My current strategy is taking too long. Anyone know how that works? I don’t really.

On Death and Dying

2010-02-03T21:46:00.005-06:00

I have a friend who's Mom is dying. Cancer. Not the funny kind, the kind that kills you.

It sucks. I'm so wrapped in my own mortality that when someone else is dealing with death I have a hard time pushing it out of my mind.

I've had these mini-rapid fire fear of death episodes in the past few weeks. Not the typical long philosophical wanders of my mind that eventually lead to me realizing I will die and then panicking for several minutes. More of all that compressed into like 10 seconds. It's nice in that it passes quickly, it sucks in that it's unexpected.

And then I read this story today about this woman who stabbed her two infant/toddler sons to death and it makes me doubt the existence of any higher power or thing after death.

There's still the possibility time is just a loop for us, but that still doesn't make me feel any better for those little boys, or my friends dying Mom.

There is no Why.

My homage to Nihilism tattoo sounds better and better to me. The concept is 9X4=38 in block lettering and then all my favorite quotes that tend to be dark and Nihilistic in the style of a schizophrenic's journal written inside the numbers. Kind of like Homer's writing of No TV and no beer make homer go crazy all over the walls in that Simpson's episode.

I've Got Special Unique Specialness.

2010-02-02T22:54:00.004-06:00

I've met God across his long walnut desk with his diplomas hanging on the wall behind him, and God asks me, "Why?"

Why did I cause so much pain?

Didn't I realize that each of us is a sacred, unique snowflake of special unique specialness?

Can't I see that we're all manifestations of love?

I look at God behind his desk, taking notes on a pad, but God's got this all wrong.

We are not special.
We are not crap or trash either. We just are.
We just are, and what happens just happens.

And God says, "No, that's not right."

Yeah. Well. Whatever. You can't teach God anything.

I long for a phone call from any company in the Milwaukee or Madison area I've applied to. I'm a really good engineer. I swear it. Don't take all the negative things I say here seriously. It's just where I come to blow of some condensed water vapor. (See I didn't even call it steam. Steam isn't visible. I'm super smart.)

I have no desire to start working on another machine at work. I like (or in some cases can put up with) my D6 guys and don't want to deal with other people's quirks and expectations.

My lusted after shin guards are somewhere between here and St. Louis right now. They will be in my hot little hands by tomorrow, in time for rat hockey on Thursday, and I even already got my Federal tax return so they are paid for too. Not that I dropped all that money just on shin guards, I just allotted some for fun stuff, not just fixing and paying off stuff.

That's Your Theory?

2010-02-01T21:48:00.003-06:00

It's amazing how things go downhill so fast. The desperate fight against the mass disorder and unraveling of the universe is impossible to hold off for any amount of time.

I wasn't even feeling that great, maybe kind of zen after that kid spared me.

Then a little bit of this, some of that and then it looks like you have an internal water leak in your wall. I think it's not quite that bad, but my spigot is all fucked up. The freeze cover didn't work. The plastic cover I had burst when it froze and water started leaking back into the wall. Not cool.

What a shitty freeze cover. I need to rebuild the internal shutoff and the outside spigot itself, as long as I haven't actually created a leak inside the wall due to freezing. Then I'd have to replace it all with a freeze proof silcock. He he he silcock.

I don't know. I really want some company to call me and tell me I can leave here. I'm don't feel like I have a purpose at work. I'm getting jerked around on this promotion. It's not doing it for me.

Ordered my lusted over shin guards. They came down $20 so I snapped them up. One bright point, although they will probably not have them in stock or some bullshit.

That's the way things are going. Higher and higher levels of entropy.

Pulling a Stupid Face

2010-01-31T22:34:00.004-06:00

Ever crossed the road and looked the wrong way? And hey presto, a car's nearly on you, so what do you do? You freeze. And your life doesn't flash before your eyes, 'cause you're too fucking scared to think – you just freeze, and pull a stupid face.

We lost our hockey game 1-0 tonight. It was disappointing. I had a few good chances, but their goalie was hot. He didn't let any rebounds. I was on the doorstep waiting 4 or 5 times.

I almost died too, well, maybe not died, but broken ribs or who knows what. We were in our defensive zone on the penalty kill. There was a scramble in front of the net and I got pushed down. The puck squirted out to the point. Their defense-man got the puck. I was between him and the net laying on the ice. I see him pull back for a slap shot. This is one of their best players with a hard, hard shot. My instinct is to pull up in the fetal position. My whole body tensed, and I'm pretty sure I pulled a stupid face, like please don't kill me. A second passes and I'm not feeling shooting pain in my ribs, or blood oozing anywhere. He's faked the shot and is handling the puck.

I told him thanks during intermission.

I'm usually a dick on the ice, but I'd like to think I'd do the same. I know I will now, since I was spared.

Check out 1:25

I also love the line "Now we are fucked..."

Weekend Posts are Hard

2010-01-30T21:19:00.003-06:00

This is where I might have fallen off the wagon with my post a day till my birthday thing. It's just harder on the weekend.

I'm currently lusting over these shin guards.

For a while I was into Mission products, but now Mission has been sold to Nike-Bauer so I'm getting into Warrior stuff, which is a bad thing because it's kind of a premium brand.

After I get these shin guards, whenever they go on clearance to make way for the 2010 models, I'll really have no reason to buy any new gear for quite some time.

Game tomorrow. One we have a chance to win. I really need a goal though. I'm on a bit of a dry spell. I can score at will in Rat Hockey, but in a game I just get all tense or something. I need to relax and just try and have fun.

The Devil Went Down to Peoria

2010-01-29T09:00:00.001-06:00

How much is my Mechanical Engineering soul worth? $5000, $10,000 or maybe $15,000? How about $20,000?

If selling my soul gets me back to Wisconsin would that make it OK?

I don’t know. I’m not a Pure Mechanical Engineer so maybe it really doesn’t matter.

It just really sucks that I’m doing this job right here, right now. I’ve peaked at 28. It will only be downhill from here no matter what. It’s just a matter of timing though, even if I stayed here I’d be forced into something worse, and it would be worse than anywhere else because it’s Peoria.

Would leading people who are designing something cool (in their opinion not necessarily mine) give me the same sense of worth as working on a complex machine?

If nothing else it could be a Purgatory I could cut my teeth in to move somewhere else that actually does make cool things. Lead people that actually make something I could get an engineering boner about. (ha ha get it, just like a culinary boner, but with engineering, and far less exciting than the real thing.)

Now I Remember

2010-01-28T12:26:00.002-06:00

I’ve been kind of down about Barack Obama. I was expecting a lot quickly just like a bunch of other people. I wanted a single payer healthcare system, the Iraq war to be completely over, strict Wall street regulation, etc. We didn’t get any of that, but he saved us from another Great Depression, and tried to work with an opposition party that has no fresh ideas and is unwilling to work with him on anything. Republican’s think they win if he fails, which may be right, but eventually American’s will catch on and be pissed.

I was reminded why he’s an exceptional leader last night. Last night he reenergized his base, and probably swung some from the middle over to his side again. Those nut jobs on the far right are too far gone, but even they have to admit he can give a speech.

I’ve said it 1000 times, great leaders give great speeches to bring public opinion behind them and force their opponents in government to work with them.

Obama is the most skilled orator of our time, and perhaps one of the best ever.

Paraphrasing:

China isn’t waiting, Germany isn’t waiting, India isn’t waiting. They aren’t playing for second place. I won’t accept second place for the United States of America.

Way too many other great lines and moments. (Calling out the Supreme Court! Awesome!)

It was a great State of the Union. Even if you hate him, check it out. If nothing else watch the last 10 minutes.

Oh no! I know!

2010-01-27T14:22:00.000-06:00

A helping the universe post today. Maybe it will increase traffic to my blog.

I've been making ring tones because I know how now. It took me scouring over the internet since I don't have a web browsing phone, and I didn't want to pay anything for them.

So here is a tutorial on how to make yourself free ring tones for an env3 on Verizon. It would probably work for other phones too, but I know it works for the env3. If you don't have unlimited text messaging it's going to cost you.

If you have an .mp3 file you like, skip to the next step. If you know a youtube file of a song, or of a funny saying you want as your test message alert, go to this website to convert it to an .mp3 file.

youtube to mp3

Once you have an .mp3 you can chop it up to whatever size and place you want on this website

.mp3 editor

Now is the tricky part. How do you get that bastard on your phone? At first I was using this website to send myself a multimedia text message

free text message site

That site started to not work every time so I figured out that if you email your phone with the .mp3 file attached to it then you can save it as a ringtone.

For Verizon you need to send it to:

yournumber@vzwpix.com

There it is, free ring tone.

Blog Post a Day Till My Birthday

2010-01-26T13:32:00.001-06:00

Nick started blogging again which kind of blew my fucking mind. I think it’s kind of like when you stop using that piece of exercise equipment you bought and it’s never used again. Anyway, he had this post about some website that supports people doing a post a day for a month.

I like the idea of doing a post a day for a month, but don’t like the idea of signing up for some site. So I’ll try it without the support of this site. It’s January 26th, and in a month I’ll be 29. I’ll try for a post a day till then.

We’ll see how it pans out.

I’ve become an orphan at work. I’m done with my beloved D6 until the end of the year (hopefully I won’t be here for that test anyway). So now I’m just going to be passed around from machine to machine to do whatever comes up. Unless some sweet pipelayer work does, then I get to run that because I’m the pipelayer guy.

I was wondering today who thinks about me (because I’m selfish, but that’s another post altogether and I don’t want to burn it here.)

Not necessarily the obvious people who think of me everyday like my wife and kids who are in direct contact with me. I hope they think of me often and fondly, but maybe like random people that I’ve only come into contact with briefly or maybe a long time ago.

Like how about the dudes I used to cut meat with at the grocery store. Do I ever cross their minds?

I can’t remember the dudes name right now, but just now I was listening to Buckcherry “For the Movies” and I thought of the meat department because this dude brought in their CD one day and got me into them. Damn my bad memory… Dan? I think that’s right. Dan was a middle aged dude who trained me how to clean the department and eventually worked his way up to cutting. I wonder what he’s up to. Does he ever wonder what I’m up to?

Probably not, I’m just the warm little center of my universe, no one else’s.

Unless you’re reading this of course, then you’re thinking of me. (Blushing and giggling like a little girl.)

What are you doing, Ness? You just gonna do your taxes right now? Is that hot? Is that what's going down in the streets?

2010-01-22T14:25:00.004-06:00

Got about 95% done with my taxes in the past few days. Found out I was getting more back than I thought.

I think we'll pay off the remainder of my student loans, fix some stuff, buy some more things for the basement to finish it off, and I'll either get the warrior shin guards I've been lusting after or some more tattooing.

My hockey team has moved into 5th place. If we can manage to win the next two games I think we could jump up to 3rd, not to bad for a team that only has one A-league player and several BC level players.

Last week we won, but I didn' t play particularly well. I pulled out some old Lawryde play and got into some shit with some guy on the other team.

There was about 30 seconds left at the end of the game and they were down by two goals. Their best player takes the puck down the left side and he comes into our zone and I take away the outside with my body forcing him to pass it into the middle of the ice to one of our players.

He didn't like it for whatever reason and said some bullshit to me about watch out or something. I, of course, tell him to go fuck himself. (I'm not very nice on the ice.)

As I skate away he decides to slash the back of my legs. I don't take kindly to this and skate up to him getting well into his personal space and ask him if he'd like to fight. He's a little less confident with someone 4-5 inches taller than him staring down at him and smelling if I needed a breath mint or not. He doesn't say anything so I turn away again. Again he gets his stick inbetween my legs trying to trip me.

I've had enough and skate into him, my full cage hitting his half visor. He thinks I head butted him because my cage hit his visor. The game ends and I skate away. He doesn't shake my hand after the game, even though I offer it.

As I'm skating off he asks me why I head butted him. "It's just men's league," he says. I shake my head and tell him whatever and hit the showers.

I'm not the smartest dude in the world, but I knew enough when I wasn't wearing a full cage to not start shit with someone wearing one. I had nothing to lose, I was fully protected, my team was winning, and I was taking one of their best players out of the end of the game. He had his teeth, jaw, and the game to loose.

It was good fun, it brought me back to fun times in C-League.

Purpose

2010-01-05T15:43:00.003-06:00

deleated due to too many companies I listed checking out this post.

Really... you pay someone to check out everything people are writing about you?

4 is more than I thought would have. Creapin' on my blog.

Tempt not a Desperate Man

2009-12-23T12:45:00.003-06:00

The end of the work year. What a shit year. No raise, no bonus (be happy you’re still employed Lawryde.) Suck it, I’m a skilled professional, not some unskilled jack off. I did more work this year than I ever have.

We also learned no raises and most likely no bonus next year. That was a mistake on their part. Sure they get to maintain dividends and all the rich just keep on getting richer. Our CEO gets a check for over $70,000 the first of the year.

I am Jack’s total lack of motivation to do anything more for this company.

I’m owed 5% for the promotion they keep dangling in front of my face and won’t give me, 8% for my merit raise this year, and 8% for my merit raise next year I won’t be getting, or roughly $13,500.

I will be searching for a new job in Wisconsin with renewed vigor and intent in January. This economy is turning, and companies are hiring.

I will find a new job and be done here.

I’ve been fantasizing about the few weeks I’d have after I got a new job and was still working this one. (We used to read pornography…) Telling everyone what I really thought.

No turning back, once I was in Wisconsin I’d never be coming back to central Illinois.

Being able to operate machines every so often does not make up for everything else that’s wrong.

I’d be happier closer to family, where it stays cold in the winter, and cultural things exist and are generally free or cheaper than here.

I’d miss my hockey bro’s, my team I created, my work cohorts, my wife’s support system, but I’m over the rest.

Take your Team Opposite of Dog, you can have it. Soak these local douche bag engineers who don’t know any better and dream of nothing more than going to Bradley, getting a job at Opposite of Dog, farming in their spare time, and dying and being laid to rest next to a corn field.

I need something different.

Hallelujah

2009-11-18T12:48:00.003-06:00

Eli: I remember as a kid, I was ... I dunno, maybe seven or eight ... my grandfather died and my parents took me to the funeral. Watching his casket getting lowered into the ground, it ... it was the first time that I realized I was gonna die one day. I mean, I knew people died. I'm talking about the idea that my consciousness was gonna end. I wasn't gonna see what happened to the world. It was such an empty, dark feeling, like I was falling down a pitch-black hole. It was ... it scared the crap out of me.

Rush: I take it you don't believe in the afterlife.

Eli: That fear was almost too much to handle. I guess maybe I thought I'd just get used to it.
Rush: But you don't.

Eli: No. No. It scared me just as much every time.

Rush: Most people realize their own mortality at some stage of the game, Eli. It's not a particularly unique experience.

Eli: I know.

Rush: The question is, did it change you? Did it inspire you to make something of this short existence that we have?

Eli: Well, I'm here, aren't I?

When I was like seven I remember crossing the bridge over the Wisconsin River driving to or from church having the realization that I exist in this reality. That my consciousness was real, it felt almost out of body, like I was watching myself riding in the car. Then there was a moment like I fell back into my body, it was like a shock. A splash of cold water in the face almost. I had the same feeling when I walked into the room and seeing my grandma’s dead body in the casket. It was more of a hammer in the face and mind.

The panic and fear didn’t come till later. It ebbs and flows, and I’ve talked about it before. Why I can’t get used to it annoys me. Either there is nothing, and it won’t matter because I won’t be able to care, or I just keep living this life over and over, or I’m punished for eternity for not loving Jesus, or I get to go to happy land forever.

None of them sound great. Even eternal happiness seems strangely boring. The ups and downs of life make the ups that much better. If the coin always comes up heads what the fun in flipping it. Maybe the real end is better, not really… still terrifying and depressing, all those kids who die because of their horrible parents, all those people who suffer every day while I philosophize about life and get stomach aches from eating too much.

Some levity

The Candy Man Can

2009-11-06T13:55:00.001-06:00

I know, I know… I suck. It’s been like, another 2 and a half weeks since I last wrote something. Like I said before, it’s so much easier to just write a sentence and post it as a facebook status update. It’s the death of blogging.

I feel better than I did last time I wrote. Things got moving along so I could process the things that were bothering me. 11 hours in a car listening to some tracks I haven’t in years was good. Let my mind deal with everything.

Then there was Halloween. I was Willy Wonka, the Gene Wilder version of course. It was pretty sweet. My wife and I went out two nights since my parents came down to visit and watched the kids. It was pretty great, and we both had a lot of fun. I need to remember to send a thank you note to the woman my wife was a being a Doula for, for not going into labor until the Monday after Halloween. It allowed my wife to drink. On Friday we went to a party of a coworker of mine. A dude ended up getting shot in the side with a bb-gun, so you know it was a good party, and the beer was free. On Saturday we went out with some of my wife’s friends and I had to listen about divorce for the first part of the night which was a big downer, but then we made our way to the gay bar because the women “wanted to dance”. Whatever, if the day prior had told me anything is that I was entirely heterosexual so I went. Now I’d never been there before with out my normal facial hair. Mr. Wonka is clean shaven so I got rid of the beard for the costume. Little did I know that clean shaven lawyrde = gay magnet. I get it, I’m a good looking skinny dude, and without facial hair I look a lot like I did when I was 18. I got hit on like 4 times (I’d like to top that hat! Leaving so soon! Dude in drag grabs the air behind my ass and tells my wife to keep me close to her.) and got a simulated bj from Cher. It’s good to feel loved.

Had our first hockey game, interleague playing down against a C-league team. We destroyed them 8-2. I had two goals, the very first of the season on my first shift which felt good. Something seems to have clicked inside me lately playing hockey. I feel way more confident. I think the key is getting low. You watch a good player and their legs are bent and they are crouched down. Shitty players are almost vertical. You don’t get any power skating and you can’t make tight turns like that. I played pickup last night and scored a sweet top shelf goal that made even some of the better players give me an atta’ boy.

I think we may get destroyed by some of the better b-league teams, but I think we’ll still have fun. I put together a good group of guys. We’re the expansion team so it’s kind of expected we won’t do very well.

20 days... really?

2009-10-22T20:02:00.004-05:00

That's really too long in between blog posts. One of my old friends called me out on it via a facebook message a few days ago.

I could say I have excuses, work and family and all that.

Truth is I've hit some sort of low point so this seems like as good an idea as any other. It's helped in the past right?

It doesn't feel as bad as times before, yet, at the same time it is.

I nearly punched a 2 inch thick piece of steel today I was so overwhelmed. I would have broken my hand.

At the time it didn't seem like a bad idea. I'd get to leave work, have minimal tasks after. I'd get sympathy, mind numbing pain and mind numbing endorphins and mind numbing pain killers.

He who makes a beast of himself, gets rid of the pain of being a man.

All these Nihilistic and generally depressing quotes and phrases have been bombarding me all day. Thinking about all the bad things that have happened and that could happen, and wondering if my children's smiles make up for all of them.

Is it ironic or not that it's been raining all day today and still is... no you'd expect that. Bad weather to match a bad mood, too predictable.

I can only hope that hockey makes me feel better tonight. That's a true sign of depression, not enjoying what you've found pleasure in in the past.

Perhaps this will be like a steep economic recovery. A V not a U. Maybe I'll score like 3 goals tonight, and then come home and have great sex with my wife, and then sleep soundly till morning, and then maybe the sun will come out, and my machine's software will not act like mentally retarded monkeys wrote it, and maybe they'll say they are reinstating raises at work, and my kids won't be so exhausted when I come home after work that they only want to test the limits of my patience, and everything, every little thing will be all-right.

Three Little Birds and Redemption Song always make me sad in that music is so beautiful my heart aches kind of way. Bob Marley as well as David Bowie have that affect on me. I'll make sure to que that up in the MP3 player tomorrow.

The Long Hiatus

2009-10-02T08:51:00.000-05:00

I haven’t written anything for a long time. Don’t really know why. I guess it speaks to twitter and facebook’s popularity. I’d rather just condense my thoughts into one sentence rather than a long drawn out story. Maybe this is the death of Pure Gonzo Engineering. More people look at my facebook status than this blog. Maybe I’ll try and be more in depth with my facebook status updates rather than: Lawryde is eatin’ lunch or Lawryde is sleepy or the other bullshit that I and other people ramble on about.

I have been working harder than I normally do. Not for anything more like I should be getting, but because we are understaffed. OMG, we got rid of all kinds of people and have a shit ton of work. This would be like if I crashed a dozer into the side of a building. Manager’s are allowed metaphoric crashes all the time with no repercussion. I’d be fired. I reported like 20 hours of overtime last month which is unheard of for me. I’m an 8 and out the gate type of guy. If I worked 20 hours of OT then my young single coworker worker like 100 hours of OT last month. Dude is here till like 7 or 10 at night all the time. I told him he needs to stop that shit. People will just start to expect it, and you won’t get anything in return.

I’ve begun to search for Gonzo Engineering work in Wisconsin, had a phone interview this Tuesday. I felt like a fucking idiot. When I was interviewing in college, when I got like 6 offers, I was a fucking professional interviewer. I knew what I was going to be asked, and I had stories for each of those questions. It was a think of beauty. Interviewers loved me. Last name Ever, first name Greatest. Now I’m all out of practice and my stories aren’t current. I stumble and repeat myself and have a hard time getting to the point, trailing of in incomplete sentences. Hopefully this one will be good practice for any future. Get me back in the game. I guess I’ll know if I was any good or not at this one depending on if I get an on site interview or not.

I’ve got this elitist hockey team I put together of(almost) all Opposite of Dog employees. We’re going to be the yellow team. (Ha ha ha get it, yellow… Opposite of Dog.) Can’t be really affiliated with the company in any way, wouldn’t want to sully the brand in any way. God knows I would, in the locker room and on the ice. The team seems like it will be OK, but there’s all this underlying anger towards Opposite of Dog and towards those that work at Opposite of Dog within the community. Hating the popular kid sort of thing, so we may have everyone step up their game to humiliate us.

Ahhh, this felt pretty good. Maybe we can do it again some time, more frequently than once a month. (ha ha, that’s funny right coming from a married man… that old stereotype of never getting laid once you’re married ha ha ha ha) (suck it lol, I type out my laughter, you can’t just box it up in three letters like that.)

The most compelling argument I've read

2009-09-04T05:49:00.003-05:00

http://blogs.suntimes.com/ebert/2009/08/im_safe_on_board_you_can_pull.html

My wife found this, and it's a fantastic argument for Obama's health care.

This Means I've Progressed

2009-08-31T17:55:00.004-05:00

Yesterday I played the most fulfilling hockey game of my life.

It was the last game of the summer league, and it was against the team myself and two of my coworkers played on last winter. Those guys are dicks. I was ready to breath smoke.

They took our best forward to play goalie because he is super talented and can do that to, just so we would have an actual game. Also JJ, one of my coworkers and ringer didn't show up because he had the game time wrong.

So I wasn't feeling great when the puck dropped, but as the period progressed it was a close game.

They scored first in the second period, even after we had been getting tons of shots down low off rebounds. I scored my first goal of the season off a lose puck in front of the net, sending it far side. That felt good, tying it up against the team that didn't want anything to do with me. I drew an interference penalty on one of their guys, but we didn't convert.

They went up early in the third, but we answered with 15 minutes left in the game. With about 5 minutes left we scored again.

The last shift I had was like 3 or 4 minutes, but there was no way I was going to let anything happen. Time was winding down, and their captain Todd got the puck near their blue line. I was about 10 feet away as he drifted to the right boards. I glanced at the clock and saw their was about 30 seconds left. There was no lengthy decision in my mind, I just acted. I made a line to where he was going to be and chopped down on his stick and then hip checked him into the boards.

I heard him cry, "Come on" in a high pitched girlie voice as I got up and skated to where the action had continued. We touched up with 20 seconds left and I made my way to the box. The running clock expired and we won.

It was so fantastic. They didn't make eye contact as we shook hands after the game. I talked to another guy they booted from their team because he wasn't "good enough" and he thought they hadn't won a game all season.

So I got the goal, the drawn penalty, the most likely double minor, and the sweet, sweet tears of Todd Lanning. It was awesome.

Gaming the system

2009-08-27T09:13:00.000-05:00

I’m constantly told by Conservative coworkers-family-jackasses that there are thousands upon thousands of lazy bastards who are just living off the government and stealing their taxes.

OK, they are playing the system. I concede that and those people do exist.

The revelation I had though came when I was talking to my wife about a person we know who owns investment properties, but intentionally looses money on them to get a tax benefit from them.

How is this any different than the person who has found a way to live off welfare? The person with the investment properties is gaming the system to pay fewer taxes. Is it ok because they are doing it in a more clever way than the person who is able to avoid getting a job. I think that’s pretty clever too.

All the rich jerks who exploit every possible tax shelter, deferral, and loophole are just as bad as the lazy dude gaming welfare. They are making it just as bad for everyone in the middle who just sucks it up and pays what they have to and works.

More Work on the Chest

2009-08-08T23:38:00.006-05:00

3.5 hours of color shading. Done enough for now.

Genetic Fear

2009-07-29T00:29:00.001-05:00

I have an abnormal fear of death. Not really that I could die at any moment, just the simple fact that one day I will die. Maybe not right now, maybe not in 10 years, but some day it will happen. I will end.

I’ve tried to wrap my mind around the nothingness of that fact. Walmart has pretty much convinced me that nothing will happen to me after I die. It will be just like before I was born, nothing.

I’m comforted in some ways by having a more enlightened view of time, but I still panic at times. The pure adrenaline rush of the panic of wanting to flea, but there’s nowhere to go.

Turns out this fear is genetic. My mom feels the same way. She’s never conveyed it to me prior to a few months ago in any way. I would never have picked it up from her actions or conversations prior to the one where she told me about it.

Most of my tattoos in some way deal with death. My angel and phoenix, Act 5 scene 5, luck, the lament of Icarus, battle in the deep, and of course my chest. That was the lead in conversation of how I found out her fear.

I guess I shouldn’t really be surprised. We are all just the combined efforts of everyone we’ve ever know. The things you’re stuck with are from your parents though.

Please Shut the Fuck Up about Socialism

2009-07-16T21:18:00.002-05:00

http://www.ntu.org/main/page.php?PageID=19

Obama plans to raise the maximum tax bracket rate by like 3 or 4% making it still lower than it was from 1932 to 1986 and again from 1993 to 2001.

Holly shit, Lenin must be smiling in his glass box in Red Square.

Or maybe it's Che laughing at the stupid American's in his tomb.

I don't know

Seriously, you make your money within the framework of a society. It benefits you to pay into that society to improve it.

Socialism it is not. It's pretty much exactly what the framers of the constitution had in mind.

and remember, I know it feels funny not being in power, but it's OK. Things will be OK.

I Make Good Babies

2009-07-09T05:26:00.004-05:00

Photo from www.amandaephotography.com

Yes, he's adorable, but the longer you look at that pictures there's almost a sadness deep in his eyes. I don't know, it's a great picture.

I fell asleep at 7:30 last night. I felt wiped out so I just fell asleep with Oz. I remembered my dreams for the first time in a long time.

I was at Kroger, although it was the shopping center in Wisconsin Rapids that had Shopko and Copps, but my mind said it was Kroger. For whatever reason I needed bok choy and propane. I made the decision to steal the propane and buy the bok choy. I excecuted some elaborate plan to steal the propane and then strolled back into the store and bought the bok choy. Weird shit. Really simple and weird.

Second quarter results will be coming out soon. Time for another round of old fashioned layoffs... I speculate. Right sizing the organization as they call it. I feel pretty safe. I got an above average rating on my last review so I should be above, or in this case metaphorically below the lawnmower blade as it comes by.

I've got to head in and get an appointment scheduled to get my chest piece finished. I really should be getting all kinds of free tattoos. I've got people from where I work going to American Inkwell because I've recommended them, and it seems as though I can't go to a public place in the summer time without someone asking me where I get my work done. Ah summer, that time of year when most people show off their horrible, horrible tattoos that someone did for them in a basement. We went to SummerFest last weekend, and it was just a freakshow of bad tattoos. Kind of like Walmart is on any given day.

100 Little Curses (to all the people I love at work)

2009-06-18T18:18:00.002-05:00

I have one more set of data to analyze and I don’t want to do it. Oh, for better times when I could just pawn it off on an intern.

I feel as though I’ve earned it somehow in identifying an issue that will cascade through almost the entire product line saving hundreds of thousands, if not millions of dollars.

I guess I’ll just have to revel in the fact that I’m that fucking awesome, and rake in my zero percent raise, and not get promoted, and be forced to have a new bosses boss who doesn’t know me or anything about hyd-O.

Negativity is an attempt to control. It’s hard not to be.

Good things tonight though, hockey tonight, sex tonight.

When this cold test is done I’m getting my chest piece finished. I’ve got a laundry list of tattoos I want to get done. Finish my chest, finish my left arm, an Oz tattoo, 9X4=38. That’s like 3 years worth of stuff.

I wonder if when I’m 30 if my desire to get tattooed will start to decrease?

You don't get to choose your nicknames

2009-06-05T22:43:00.003-05:00

I don't know if I've told this story before, but I'll tell it even so.

My very first real job, the one I had 9 jobs ago, was working at a grocery store called County Market in Wis Rapids. I was hired on to bag groceries, but when I work a job, I rock that shit, and people take notice. I was promoted to work in the produce department, for an evil tyrant of a man by the name of Don Ruffi. I did the job, and was good at it, so they put me on Sunday mornings. I worked from 5 am to 1 pm. It was just me. I set up the department after busy ass Saturday, and broke down the load of produce that came in on like 3 huge pallets.

One Sunday morning, a transformer blew and we were without power for like 2 hours. It was pitch black in the cooler and the department so I couldn't do anything. The power came back on, and I still ended up getting the looking awesome before all the good people came in from church wanted to buy shit. Don stopped by to see how things were going. I told him the story of how the power went out and how I was able to get back and get a nice little department put together, all the fresh fruit and vegetables calling out to be bought. He glanced around, took a look at some fresh bunch carrots and proceeded to bitch me out about how they had dirt on them. My eyes glazed over as I struggled not to punch him. I nodded and he left. No "nice job" recovering form that loss of power, nope. Just a lecture on cleaning fresh bunch carrots.

One of the better moments of my life up to that point was telling him that I was quitting to go work at the Boys and Girls Club. He was singing a different tune then. He told me he'd try and work my schedule a bit or do something so I would stay. He knew he had a sweet deal with me. Cheap labor that worked hard. The shift of power at that moment was fucking delicious.

Anyway, that was like 12 or 13 years ago.

In an unrelated story, I am currently working on my machine in a giant freezer. It pretty much sucks. We start at 16 degrees Celsius and work our way down to magic -40. I have to run the machine at each step down because I'm the hydraulics dude.

Today we ran at 16, and that's not really cold, it's just for baseline data. I was activating the quick drop on the machine, which lets the blade free fall. It made a loud bam! on the floor of the freezer every time it was done. The dude that runs the cell was not expecting this. He decided to give me the nickname Bamm-Bamm after I came out of the cell. From then on during the day I was questioned and addressed by that name. Awesome... I guess he at least likes me so the next month should go smooth.

Like a Fool I am and I'll Always be.

2009-05-15T16:00:00.000-05:00

I almost died yesterday. I was standing on the platform of a D8 track type tractor trying to open up the cab door. The engine enclosure door was sticking out blocking the cab door. I pushed the engine door in with my foot as I yanked on the cab door. The first attempt was unsuccessful, the second the cab door opened suddenly. I started to loose my balance falling backward. I caught myself before I fell backward down eight feet past the forged steel tracks onto the dirty concrete yard. Maybe I wouldn’t have died, but I would have been in some serious pain.

The shit never ends at work. Even when they say they’ve cut to the bone and they’re done. Turns out first and foremost they are liars. Perhaps more deceptive than flat out lying, but when someone says that when they lay you off, either rolling or indefinitely that they are going to subsidize up to half your salary, you think that means you’re going to get half your salary. Not quite. When you run the numbers an average single engineer making $75,000 will be making around 35% of his salary. One with a wife that doesn’t work with kids will be making about 45% of his salary. Whatever, the amount is what it is, but don’t be deliberately misleading.

Then talk of rolling layoffs when it was previously said they wouldn’t happen in R&D because they laid off 10%. Earlier today I was pretty convinced they would make us take them. Found out just recently they won’t be happening.

I really need to find a million idiots to give me a dollar. I can’t handle this shit. My mind is a delicate flower that can’t handle this emotional toll.

My tattoo has healed the best any of my tattoos ever have. After less than two weeks, it has no dry cracking areas, and no scabs. My guys at American Inkwell no longer recommend the wet method of healing a tattoo, but I think it’s way better than just letting it out to the air to heal. With the wet method you keep the tattoo covered in some sort of balm (I use Tat Wax) and saran wrap for the first three days, washing it every 3-4 hours keeping all the scab building stuff off of it.

My ten year high school reunion is coming up like in September. I’m not really sure how I feel about it. I only liked or was acknowledged by like a dozen or so people in high school, so if none of them show up I don’t really know what I’d do. So at that point what is the point? It kind of seems like a dick measuring contest.

Everyone rolls out their degrees (BS Mechanical Engineering University of Wisconsin Madison), and significant others (lovely intelligent caring wife), and awesome jobs (Hydraulic Test Engineer for Fortune 50 Company), and kids (Two highly intelligent superiorly advanced boys), and stuff (a house with two cars in the garage), and oh the places they’ve been (Cuba), and oh how wonderful they look (180 pounds of hockey toned muscle and tattoos).

I’ll have to see if any of my potato gun hommies will be attending. That may sway my decision.

Death is the debt that all men must pay

2009-05-02T21:42:00.005-05:00

Well I didn't lose my job, or I wouldn't have gotten a $320 (good tattoos ain't cheap and cheap tattoos ain't good) tattoo, although I learned that isn't necessarily true.

I went to American Inkwell a little before noon on Saturday, and Kalib was finishing up the sketch. He tweaked a few things and by the time he got his station set up and the stencil on me it was about 12:30. We started on the coffin. I had all this nervous energy since it was right on my sternum. I was expecting the blinding pain of my elbow, or spine, but it wasn't as bad as I thought.

We chatted about this and that as he worked. Being a Saturday, all kinds of people were coming in for consultations and to set up appointments. Luckily Kalib stayed pretty focused on my tattoo since it was so large.

We talked about how apparently tattooing is recession proof. They were booking people for the third week in May. Every day until then they were full up with appointments. I'd heard before that tattooing was recession proof, but this kind of proves it. Kalib brought up a good point that people don't just get tattooed when they are happy. When shitty things happen people get tattooed to mark the ocassion.

Here's the part of the story that all you Republican's will love. Two annecdotal examples of people "wasting" their money. One woman who came in said she could come in any time during a certain week because she was going to be on rolling layoffs that week. Not brining in any money, but she was going to get tattooed. I mentioned that to Kalib, and then a second woman came in and said she had been permanently laid off so she could come in anytime to get inked. We just looked at each other and laughed. Tell all your Republican friends about the lazy assholes who are gaming unemployement so they can go get peace and love in Japanese tattooed on them.

When we got to the black shadding it was the pain I had been anticipating. Grinding that big cluster of needles of the shader into my sternum was exrutiating. We wrapped things up around 4:45. Three or so hours under the needle was enough for me. Once this is healed we'll finish the black shading and add some color. I think it's pretty bad ass. Chest pieces are just hard, carved out of wood.

You will be informed on Friday if you still have a job here.

2009-04-23T00:07:00.004-05:00

For a while I thought Wall Street ran our company. We made stupid fucking decisions for short term gains. OK whatever, I can roll with stupid decisions.

So we announce a loss for the first time since '92. BUT if you take out the cost of restructuring the company we actually made a profit. Sales are only down like 22%. Really not that bad. Wall Street agreed, our stock went up the last two days.

Today we had a meeting letting us know R&D was thinning the ranks by 5-10%.

We'd been safe thus far.

Through the fear during the speech came the loathing.

Don't ever tell me your process for getting rid of people is "benevolent". Gods are benevolent, you're just people acting in your own self interest so you don't have to cut dividends.

Don't tell me not to worry because 90% of us are safe. I'll keep that philosophy in mind when I'm handed a 10 chamber gun with only one bullet in it and told to put it up to my head and pull the trigger.

Especially when you give us till Friday between 8 am and 2 pm to try and justify in our own minds why we won't be chopped. (My justification is that I'm working on the highest selling bulldozer in North America. That makes me valuable right? It should help me sleep tonight at least, and maybe tomorrow night.)

In a truly Orwellian moment during the speech an individual said that 9 X 4 was 38. No one really said anything. A few of us looked at each other. These people get to decide if we eat steak or the discounted ground beef that is 65% fat next month. Maybe that equation works out if it's in millions or billions, I've only got an engineering degree though so I may be wrong.

In the end the Party would announce that two and two made five, and you would have to believe it. It was inevitable that they should make that claim sooner or later: the logic of their position demanded it. Not merely the validity of experience, but the very existence of external reality, was tacitly denied by their philosophy. The heresy of heresies was common sense. And what was terrifying was not that they would kill you for thinking otherwise, but that they might be right. For, after all, how do we know that two and two make four? Or that the force of gravity works? Or that the past is unchangeable? If both the past and the external world exist only in the mind, and if the mind itself is controllable—what then?

or in this case 9*4=38

I'm scared.

And who do you think you are, Sir?

2009-04-13T22:33:00.002-05:00

I forgot how frustrating and difficult my job can be. In the shit. Slangin' hydraulics. Breathing smoke.

I wanted to start early today, but you can't get a fucking thing done before 8:30 because of safety meetings and trying to hitch a ride to the test site in the fucking downpour.

I get my shit going, and I'm feeling pretty good. I need to get a pump adjusted. Turns out this pump is located in the belly of the beast and is nearly impossible to get a wrench on for my poor mechanic. Each adjustment takes about 30 min to determine how the pressures and fan speeds have changed. There are also two pressure settings that need to be altered and one affects the other. Turn one up and the other goes up also. Get one set and the other is fucked.

5 hours later and I think I've got it, and my software to interface with the machine goes crazy and I need to have IT fix it for me. They reinstall it because they have no idea what is going on with it either. By this time 1st shift is over. No more mechanic. I check my pressures and they aren't right. One day to set a pump, and I couldn't even get that done.

Tomorrow is another work day, however.

Swim lessons with the boy tonight were good though. His enjoyment and the warm water pool made the stress go down.

I'm a Slave and I am a Master

2009-03-30T20:26:00.003-05:00

I paid off my credit card debt today. It took 5 years after getting out of college, but it’s gone. All that shit I bought in college is finally paid off. I’m unsubstantiated debt free (not entirely true, I think we still have a hundred or two on some clothing cards, Old Navy, etc.) Those are nothing though compared to the thousands that are gone now.

I’m always disappointed in these accomplishments that should fill me with something. Yeah, it’s gone, but now I just need to save more so I don’t fall into credit card debt at some point in the future.

I went to see Kalib on Saturday about my tattoo. When I walked in the door he asked me if I was going to beat him up. I laughed and told him I wanted to set up a hard date for him so he would have to finish a sketch for it. We settled on May second. He told me he had a good idea of what it was going to look like in his head, and that he just needed to draw it out. What he described sounded pretty sweet, and he talked about adding some mechanical gears and stuff in the wings which I thought was a cool addition. It should be bad ass. Although by nature chest tattoos are all bad ass.

When it was warm a few weeks ago, I was wearing short sleeves in the Walmart grocery shopping Sunday morning. Little kids in their Sunday best would give me stares and then ask their moms what was on my arms. Their Mom’s shushed them and dragged them in the opposite direction I was going.

My work rage is coming back. I've been able to put up with things because I'm at the sandbox. I can work out my anger in the dirt, and generally I can see the benefit behind stupid initiatives. This latest one takes the proverbial cake. Opposite of Dog is getting ride of ALL of it's company cell phones. That's millions of dollars a year that will be saved. OK, Jane and Johnny Jackass in the office don't need a company cell to get their jobs done effectively. They are right next to their phones 95% of the day. I on the other hand, am at my desk, in the shop, walking around the yard, driving 3 miles round trip to a test site, climbing up and down dirty slippery machines, navigating rough terrain on foot and by truck. We all NEED cell phones at the sandbox, for safety, and for a huge boost in productivity. Nope, stupid black and white initiative is going through.

Sounds pretty stupid, right? What on Earth could make it worse? Well, let’s put our imagination caps on. Pretend that, after all the rumors have flown and after manager after manager has pieced together bits of the story, you get this real gem of an email from a VP. Even better, pretend it’s full of grammatical errors. I’ll pretend it says something like this:

It is important to clarify the purpose of this change. The bottom line is that by upholding high standards of accountability and to managing the behaviors of it’s employees with regards to their cellular phone usage our company stands to save a significant sum of money.

Prior communications may have contained wording that did not accurately reflect the intent of this change. The intent is to have our employees utilized their own cellular phones to conduct company business. No employee will be required to share their personal information. However, I believe, and this has been reinforced by tens of employees, that the vast majority of company employees are willing to provide personal contact information in order to keep the high level of productivity that we have become accustomed to. The reality of the twenty first century is that cell phones and the ability to connect instantly and constantly are now necessary in our personal and professional lives. There will be no company provided cellular phones.

This change has the full support of the company executives and will allow us to get out of the business of managing cellular phones and will place employees in charge of upholding the before mentioned high standards of accountability and behavior changes. I am appreciative of the support I have received in implementing this change as I believe it to be consistent with the challenges our company faces in today’s economy. As managers, we should lead by example, as the company executives are doing, and only have personal cellular phones, not company provided ones.

Please send this message on as needed.

Vice President

As I’m imagining this letter, my imaginary brain starts to bleed from the sheer stupidity.

My Hockey Skill is Directly Proportional to the Length of My Hair

2009-03-19T23:56:00.001-05:00

Last night was our first playoff game. We destroyed the team we played. I had a pretty tits goal, my second game in a row I’ve scored. We had an odd man rush. Our center carried it into the zone wide on the left side and I broke hard to the net. I got behind the defender and the center passed it to me. I put it in about mid net glove side. I was kind of shocked it even went in and didn’t really even celebrate. Our next game is Saturday, but there are a bunch of our guys who won’t be able to make it.

Opposite of Dog announced they are going to layoff another 2500 people, mostly production employees, almost 1000 in East P. I didn’t even know there were 1000 production employees in East P. Apparently no one is buying tractors. I’m guessing first quarter results are going to be ugly. I wouldn’t be all that shocked if we were in the red.

They’re dropping all these retarded edicts down on us to “save money”. “Shutdown your computer overnight, it uses as much electricity as a refrigerator.”

Here’s a little word problem related to that bit of wisdom.

Refrigerators, and my work laptop apparently, use 0.057 kw and electricity costs about $0.10 per kwh. I bill my time out at about $100/hr. It takes about 10 minutes to fire up my computer, log in, and start all the applications I need to use for the day. How much money will the company save if I turn my computer off each night? (Show your work)

0.057 kwh/h * 16 hours = 0.912 kwh per day

0.912 kwh * $0.10/kwh = $0.0912 per night shutdown

$100/hr / 60 min/hr = $1.67 per minute

10 min * $1.67 per minute = $16.70 in lost work

So the company loses $16.61 every day in lost efficiency by me shutting my computer down each day. Even if I leave the bastard on all weekend it only costs $0.27. I’m also pretty sure it’s not actually using as much electricity as a refrigerator.

I know, you’re screaming that I should just work 10 minutes of unpaid overtime to cover that startup time. I’m salaried and that is real money they pay to the electric company. Whatever, in principal it’s a stupid idea.

How about I only charge my cell phone and laptop at home and eat that cost to save the company money, only run on battery power at work. How about pay toilets, and bring your own toilet paper? Brilliant!

You're more of a 3

2009-03-10T17:03:00.001-05:00

http://www.time.com/time/health/article/0,8599,1883614,00.html?cnn=yes

I can relate to this article. There are all kinds of rumors circling around, mandatory two weeks off without pay, new employee rating systems which assign a value to the company to you. The poor bastards with less than two years experience can only get as high as a 4, 5 being the lowest. I’m hoping I’d be about a 2. I’ve got 5 years, and I’m working on a machine which represents a significant chunk of our Tier 4 emissions credits to the EPA. (The EPA gives you credit based on the production volume and emissions level of the machines you produce. If you produce x% of “clean” machines, you can then produce more “dirty” machines without financial penalty.) Somehow seems like extortion, but I really can’t complain because emissions requirements drive our business and make for a bunch of jobs. If we didn’t have a critical emissions deadline to meet right now, Opposite of Dog would have gotten rid of way more people.

The shit just grinds on your nerves though. Always thinking there is some predator lurking in the tree line waiting to get you.

I liked the part in the article where it talked about how people who win the lottery and people that break their necks tend to be as happy as they were prior to the incident a year later. Just the other day I was fantasizing about winning the lottery and it kind of ruins the fantasy thinking I’d have no overall improvement in happiness. Life is a zero sum game. Any marked improvement is followed by something to knock you back in your place. Then you die, then the sun engulfs the Earth, then all the energy in the universe is used up (fucking entropy) and the lights turn off.

Self improvement is masturbation, but I’m trying anyway. I’ve gained the ability to gain weight since my 28^th birthday. I’m not sure it’s in a positive way, but I’m up to a solid 180. Perhaps it’s due to ingesting almost 1000 calories worth of “bold” party mix chex mix in one sitting while watching TV. Old habits are hard to break so I’m going to keep eating like I have my hummingbird metabolism. I’m also starting to do pushups and crunches in the morning. Hopefully that will fend off any gut and make me stronger for hockey. When it gets nice I may start to run in the morning. Maybe I’ll finally be able to get up to my fighting weight of 200.

For the Very First Time

2009-02-24T18:44:00.002-06:00

As Opposite of Dog stock keeps dropping, it’s at 24.77 right now (from a high of like 90), I went to my local tattoo shop to discuss how I could stimulate the local economy. Apparently the tattoo industry is recession proof. When I went in, one guy was getting tattooed, one guy was getting done with a consultation, I was up next for a consult, and a couple came in after me to get a consultation. The first appointment time they had was the first week in March, that was one week ago.

I just went in to get Kalib working on drawing the chest piece idea I have. Yes, I need to get my left arm wrapped up, but I have the strong desire to get a chest piece. Chest pieces are bad ass. My wife’s is fucking awesome, it always looks awesome peaking out from shirts that are cut low enough to see it. I also love looking at old pictures of dudes with ink. They’ve got their shirts off with dress pants and sharp ass shoes (There was a time when everyone whore a suit to the grocery store), and they’ve got these sweet chest pieces of eagles or ships or ladies.

Getting this piece plays into one of my several fall back positions, should I get laid off. This fallback is being an extra in prison / crime movies / television dramas.

My idea is the following. The whole piece will be old school in style. Coffin in the center of my chest with an hourglass in it, DaVinci style wing framework sprouting off the coffin with bits of feathers on them, random candles on the wings, dead roses around the coffin, and the banner phrase: Death is the Debt that All Men Must Pay. And yes you can go fuck yourself I did get that from National Treasure 2, that doesn’t make the words any less powerful or thematically correct for the piece. I also like it because it’s sexist in wording, and I’m a big sexist pig. Hopefully I’ll get the first session done some time in March. I’m guessing 3 sessions to complete it. It should cover the span of my down to just below my pecks.

I took the oldest boy skating for the very first time ever.

Hopefully his first experience wasn’t like mine, which turned me off to skating until I was in High School. He said he enjoyed it, so we’ll go more and see if he can progress at all. I got him some pads so he can just go and fall and try to find his balance.

I got a misguided compliment from the biggest jackass on our hockey team last game. We lost like 6-1, but I scored the only goal. I feel like I’m understanding where I should be now, and I’m just trying to skate as hard as possible for 2 minutes at a time. Midway through the game the dude says to me, “You’re going to score a hell-of-a-lot more goals if you skate like you are tonight. You’re busting your ass out there.”

Um, thanks, I think. I felt like a kid being lectured by his overbearing dad. I think I’m a couple years older than this dude too. It made me feel good, even though I didn’t want it to. I shouldn’t need the validation of jerk-offs like him.

I turn 28 on Thursday. Pretty meaningless. Just closer to being 30.

Narrator: [Tyler steers the car into the opposite lane and accelerates] What are you doing?

Tyler Durden: Guys, what would you wish you'd done before you died?

Man 1: Paint a self-portrait.

Man 2: Build a house.

Tyler Durden: [to Narrator] And you?

Narrator: I don't know. Turn the wheel now, come on!

Tyler Durden: You have to know the answer to this question! If you died right now, how would you feel about your life?

Narrator: I don't know, I wouldn't feel anything good about my life, is that what you want to hear me say? Fine. Come on!

Tyler Durden: Not good enough.

I was talking to one of my coworkers (single and childless), and he said he hoped to be a millionaire by his mid-thirties. I just chuckled. He said he was investing around 2/3 of his salary. I just laughed again.

Everyone has their priorities.

12, 8, 73

2009-02-17T10:36:00.000-06:00

Last Friday 50 contract workers got let go at the sandbox. Laborers, engineers, technicians, no field was spared.

It was a nice cap to President Obama visiting Opposite of Dog, and the Peoria area on Thursday. I’m working on my doctored photo of myself and the President. I like to fictitiously introduce all Presidents that stop by Opposite of Dog.

He was standing in front of the machine that I designed the cooling package, air intake, and exhaust system on. So if you look at the exhaust stack and pre-screener you can see what a kick ass engineer I am. The machine to his far left I’m doing the hydraulics development on. It was like I was right there with him in a far off, vicarious, unreal way.

I think if I get laid off I’ll become an appliance repairman. I fixed our like 25 year old dryer. One of the support rollers bushings had seized on the shaft it rotated on. That ripped the bushing off of the plastic hub and made the drum kind of bounce and make a horrible noise. It’s so quiet now you can’t even really tell when it’s done running.

Before I Forget

2009-02-03T21:06:00.002-06:00

Slipknot put on an awesome show last night.

9 crazy dudes with masks: Check
Drum kits on scissor lifts and hydraulics: Check
Baseball bats hitting kegs: Check
Insane fans on the floor removing the panels covering the ice rink below: Check
Crowd surfing fans pushing each other off those panels: Check

Ranks right up there with Marilyn Manson, Rob Zombie, and Kid Rock for showmanship.

Not my video, but shows how cool the show was.

Giggity

2009-02-01T14:50:00.002-06:00

I'm not sure why this wasn't announced on Monday with the rest of the layoffs. I was reading elsewhere that we warned of posting a first quarter loss this year. That would suck.

I'm just going to keep on doing what I'm doing. I think what I'm working on represents 20% of the next emissions level credits we get through the EPA, so it needs to get done come loss or whatever, or the business is fucked.

I decided to go out and give the economy a goose this weekend and drop some g's on a 2008 Hyundai Entourage. It's a pretty sweet van. We got the DVD player and most of the cool extra shit you could get. No sunroof which kind of bums me out, but the deal was awesome. Since they were trying to get rid of the 2008's and this was the last one on my dealers lot and I've bought 2 vehicles from them already, they gave it to us for invoice and I got $4000 from the factory, and I got $1500 customer loyalty cash, and they gave us a decent amount on our Tucson. I ended up with only a bit higher monthly payment than I had with the Tucson.

I was testing out the wireless DVD headphones yesterday, and one pair's left ear didn't work so I have to have them get me a new one of those, other than that I'm digging it.

And for those of you who have been reading this blog for a while, yeah, I think you can comfortably have sex in it with the third row down.

Slipknot tomorrow. It's going to be crazy awesome.

No Slipknot video, because I saw Weezer live in Japan on Palladia and I can't get this song out of my head.

They Might Make You Think You're Happy

2009-01-26T18:15:00.004-06:00

Awesome. I was expecting quite a few, but 20,000 was a bit shocking to me at first. Then I read the entire release. (Which mysteriously is not on our website as of 6:17 pm) Maybe they are changing it in some evil way right now. Anyway, the 20,000 are 8,000 contract employee's (contract scum as well call them around here) 4,000 production employees, mostly those that make small construction stuff, 2,500 people took the buyout and up to 5,000 management and support people. (all the engineers, accountants, marketing jag-offs, etc.) this leaves 500 unknowns, but maybe they are leaving slack in the buyout numbers since that isn't final.

I was also shocked to learn that we are bloated to 113,000. That number doesn't include contract employees or dealers (they are their own businesses just like car dealerships). I'm guessing those 5,000 people will be mostly marketing and product support people.

After all the office talk today, I still feel OK with some shred of fear. (I guess it's always healthy to have a little fear.) The highest selling bulldozer in North America has to be delivered on time for Tier 4 emissions or the business will be f-ed in the a. It's hydraulics need to work. I make sure they work.

And from here on out, I'm not writing anything down or typing up anything. It will all be up here (taps head and smiles a devil's grin) :)

I will buy you a new life, yes I will (as long as I still have a job)

She Isn't Real

2009-01-14T22:58:00.003-06:00

I've been able to maintain my good mood for a while now. I feel pretty safe at work, even though they told us within hydraulic system development they don't have approved budget for 14 of the people in the group. I'm not sweating because the D6 has budget for the entire year.

(When I'm alone I like to whisper to myself that I'm developing the hydraulic system on the highest selling bulldozer in the United States. It makes me feel special.) As a result, I feel safe. I'm sad though because some cool people in my group are most likely going to have to go someplace else within the company. I'll lose that camaraderie while I'm developing the highest selling bulldozer in the United States.

Money is cheap right now. I'm going to refinance my car and my house some time soon. I should be able to drop my car payment and take 7 years off my mortgage and still pay about the same. Hopefully I can free up enough money so we can get a larger vehicle. I want a pimped out van, but my wife doesn't. She doesn't like the concept of driving a van. If the van is awesome and has all kinds of cool shit in it then I don't mind that idea.

It's going to be cold tomorrow. Like -40 with the windchill. -40 is special. It's where Celsius and Fahrenheit meet and slap each other on the ass on the way to absolute zero. -40 is just -40. Fucking cold.

Vermillion

2009-01-08T18:49:00.001-06:00

The first post of the New Year. Since I last posted I’ve gone through the most horrible depths of feeling awful both physically and mentally.

Things seem better now. I feel better.

I scored a goal already in hockey this year.

I’ve got some new Christmas toys. (Some sweet tools, an MP3 player, etc.)

I’m going to get tattooed some time in the near future.

I’m being ultra productive at work in an attempt to get promoted and get a raise even in this hell of an economy. (I wrote about 75 pages worth of reports in less than 4 days, normally a month or more long task.)

I’m still going to see Slipknot in February.

The Rain Will Kill Us All

2008-12-22T21:45:00.003-06:00

Opposite of Dog cuts executive pay, freezes hiring, offers buyouts

When I first read this I was disappointed because I'm not going to get a raise in 2009 no matter how well I perform. I'm also not going to get about 8% of my bonus pay in 2010.

Then I was afraid I was going to lose my job at some point. I've got five years now with the company so the cuts would have to go pretty deep to get to me.

I'm going to DEFCON 1 though as far as internet usage and general productivity levels. I don't want any reason to be gotten rid of.

Then I found some opportunity in this. They are going to buy people out if they want. Tomorrow I plan on polishing the old resume and sending it to every large engineering company in Wisconsin. I only have until Jan 12. The odds are I won't even get an calls, but wouldn't it be tits if I got like $32K to leave Opposite of Dog and a new job in Wisconsin? It's a long shot, but why not try?

The Only Thing I Ever Really Loved was Hate.

2008-12-11T18:31:00.003-06:00

Looks like all the dudes working overtime at the office are the ones who aren't getting laid.

Furthermore, a study at the University of Gottingen in Germany found that people who do it less often tend to take on more work to compensate for their frustration. And the increased labor results in—you guessed it—even less sex.

I like any excuse to rip on those idiots who are working excessive unpaid overtime.

Is being forced to take vacation on a certain day Fascism?

On February the Second I'll be going to the Peoria Civic Center to see a little band by the name of Slipknot. I'm expecting a sweet show. If it's not better than a Marilyn Manson or Rob Zombie show I'll be highly disappointed. Any spectacle with a guy in a clown mask beating a beer keg with a baseball bat is worth my time.

Here's a little tune of theirs.

I Keep it All Up Here So I Can't be Replaced

2008-12-07T10:25:00.004-06:00

As the economy continues it's downward spiral into oblivion, Opposite of Dog is taking measures to continue making money. Kind of freaks me out. Back when I got hired it was kind of on the upswing of the 9-11 economic downturn, and I there were some times when we cut back on travel and hiring, but now they are doing things that concern me, getting rid of contract scum (and I say that lovingly), reducing or eliminating raises for promotions or developmental moves, checking cell phone records to make sure you're using it at an appropriate level. I'm guessing internet usage is next, that's why I'm posting this on a Sunday morning. I've made a concentrated effort to reduce my at work internet time.

I've also decided to block the Opposite of Dog IP addresses from this blog. I'm using toolator.com, and I haven't had a chance to test it yet, but it worked blocking my home IP so it should block the Opposite of Dog IP.

Some people are having less work to do, or are getting shuffled to other programs as certain programs get their budgets taken away or reduced. Luckily I work on a product that is high volume and high profile. It's one of those linchpins to future success. I've got tests planned out for me through 2009.

On a non-end-of-days note, I scored my first B-League goal (maybe that's not true, I can't remember if I scored at all during summer league?) during our second win of the season. It felt pretty good. I always feel like I'm being judged and evaluated while playing even though this is a fucking rec league.

The Hardest Working Man in Engineering

2008-12-02T10:56:00.001-06:00

My wife was cleaning out a cabinet and found my daily planner from my last semester in college. I was paging through my daily life from exactly five years ago in awe of all the shit I did compared to now.

I don’t really like having to go to the store at night after work now.

Back then I was a full time student, had two part-time jobs (High School Tutor and Hospital Janitor on second shift), was interviewing for a real jobby-job, was designing my tattoo machine for the university invention competition, getting ready to graduate, getting tattooed, going to concerts, and was married.

Here was my interview travel schedule.

11-5-03: Drive to Beloit, WI
11-6-03: Interview with Fairbanks Morse. Drive back to Madison at 4:00
11-13-03: Drive to Milwaukee, WI
11-14-03: Interview with Harley Davidson. Drive back to Madison at 3:00
11-18-03: Drive to Milwaukee, WI Interview with Bucyrus Erie. Stay in Milwaukee
11-19-03: Interview with Modine Manufacturing. Drive back to Madison at 4:00
11-30-03: Fly to Akron, OH
12-1-03: Interview with Goodyear. Fly to Madison at 6:50
12-2-03: Drive to Peoria, IL
12-3-03: Interview with Caterpillar. Drive back to Madison at 5:00 pm
12-4-03: Fly to Seattle, WA
12-5-03: Interview with Puget Sound Naval Shipyard
12-7-03: Fly back to Madison

In a month I traveled over 5000 miles, had 4 flights including connections, took 4 road trips, and was in ten different cities (including connections). All this fit into a school and work schedule.

I took any second interview. It was a way to make extra money. The mileage and meal allowances were a third job. I had interviewing down to a science.

I got offers from Harley, Modine, Goodyear, Caterpillar, and Puget Sound. I paid my bills. I got AB’s and B’s and graduated. I got fourth place in the invention competition.

How the fuck did I do all that?

I’m the Warm Little Center that the Life of the World Crowded Around.

2008-12-01T13:28:00.001-06:00

We won our first hockey game of the year last night. We were playing the “best” team in the league. They had something like 2 goals against in their first four games. Their team was composed of a bunch of ex-Bradley players and other A-league players who got split up since there weren’t enough players for an A-league. We also only had two lines. We didn’t really have that high of hopes coming into the game.

We ended up beating them 6-5. It was pretty nice. They all had salty looks on their faces as we shook their hands after. I had two sort of chances I would have liked to have gotten goals. I was standing in front of the net, and one of our guys shot the puck. The goalie was on the far right side of the net. The puck came squirting out the left side. I had a wide open net, and position on the defensemen. The defensemen grabbed my stick and held it so I couldn’t take a shot. I could have kicked the damn puck in there was so much time from when it came out and the goalie actually realized where it was. I did draw the penalty.

The second, I was in front of the net, and I had a sweet tip from a shot from our defensemen from the point. It was about hip high and rising and I knocked it down. It bounced on the ice perfectly and ended up going between the goalies legs, but he dropped on it fast enough to cover.

After the first period I stepped on something and it jacked up my right outside edge. It made it so I couldn’t power turn to the right. I was playing left wing which made it incredibly hard to play the rest of the game. I couldn’t turn back the correct way when I had to transition from offense to defense. It really took away from almost all the other parts of my game. I was too preoccupied with thinking about compensating for that bad edge to effectively stick handle, shoot, or pass. I just tried not to fuck up too badly and cost us a bad goal.

I’ve got this nasty claustrophobic feeling at work now. I need to wear headphones more to just pretend there aren’t way too many people around me.

I Didn’t Think it Was That Obvious.

2008-11-24T14:57:00.000-06:00

I went to Wisconsin this weekend to see my parents. I took Carter with. He and I don’t spend a lot of time together by ourselves. It was nice. We bought some good cheese. I upgraded my Dad’s computer to XP so he could run a webcam so they could see the kids more often. I almost royally messed up his computer, but was able to get it back and running better than before without too much loss of data. My Dad and I went to see the new Bond movie. It was kind of a disappointment. Casino Royale was awesome, and this one just seemed like a setup for future movies with a plot that was pretty thin.

Winter hockey has started, and I’m playing in the upper division which is a combination of A and B league. Myself and 3 other guys managed to get ourselves on an established team of locals. (Fucking locals). Anyway, we’re 0-4 so the locals are all pissy. The “captain”, Todd, gave us a speech before the game about how if the game was close he was going to be calling lines, we had all paid to play, but we want to have fun and losing isn’t fun.

JJ, the ex-Canadian Junior and best player on our team, had called out on the bench last game that the locals should calm down that everyone paid to play and this was for fun. I guess the locals, including Todd, didn’t like that.

I wanted to chime in after Todd gave his speech that if you can’t lose and still have fun then why the fuck are you still playing? Winning is fun, but I like playing the game enough that I don’t mind if we lose. We’ve been competitive every game and a few bad goals have been the difference. So we were down like 7-3 going into the third last night, and then we start to rally and bring it to 7-5 in the last 2 minutes. I figure Todd is going to start calling lines, he doesn’t. What a dick. He scolds us like children and then doesn’t man up and act when we actually get a chance to win. We ended up scoring one more goal and losing by one. One of the four we brought into their team isn’t very good. He’s not a strong skater. The locals have singled him out as the reason for our terrible start. It’s not that none of them are really producing. It’s his entire fault. It’s always easy to blame someone else.

These guys are so obsessed with winning it’s affecting their game. If they would just focus on playing the game and having fun I think winning would take care of itself. It’s kind of like your campy teenage / college get laid or die trying movie. The more they obsess over it, the harder it is to achieve.

Losing All Hope is Freedom

2008-11-18T10:59:00.000-06:00

I don’t know if my lack of posting has been a result of being busier than I normally am at work, or if my life has drifted into that gray area of nothing interesting or anecdotal happening to post about.

I’m not sure what goals I’m supposed to have in life right now. I have a job, am married, have a house, have kids, have a hobby/pastime. I’m not sure what I’m supposed to look for on the horizon. Retirement, not dying prematurely, I just don’t know. I’m starting to feel better about the amount of time I’m spending on things I enjoy and don’t really enjoy but are necessary.

I’ve panicked a couple times about dying recently. That had gone away, but now it’s back. I was watching the movie Dinosaurs with Carter, lying on the floor, and it just hit me like a bucket of cold water. Long term, broad spectrum topics like extinction, the breadth of the universe, and things like that have a habit of tripping the panic in my brain. It was full blown heart racing panic, the kind when you look the wrong way and start to cross the street and a car veers out of the way while you stand there with a stupid look on your face.

The two are related. The goals of being a better father, a better spouse, a better hockey player, a better employee, are all hard and have vague nuanced payoffs. It’s easy to achieve major life milestones, but to excel at them takes focused time and effort.

I answered my own question.

And I Awoke, and Faintly Bouncing Round the Room

2008-10-25T22:13:00.002-05:00

I'm waiting for the release of Guitar Hero World Tour, and for whatever reason I'm also having a hell of a time typing.

I'm going to head to Walmart at about 11:30 so I can get my hot little hands on World Tour. Yeah, I'm a loser. I'm not going to get the drum set. I'm not that big of a loser.

I've been trying to think of how to pull these ideas I have floating in my head into a post. The big themes are The bizzaroness of existence, and how people change, becoming who they are, and how you can have an idealized version of what they should be from past experience.

I was walking through the center yard at work, all this heavy equipment around me, the sound of diesel engines and impacts, dirt on my jeans and boots, lugging two laptops in from testing. The only thing I like about fall is the cool air that fills your lungs in the morning. It's not bitter like in winter, just cold enough when you breathe in and breathe out you get the condensed water vapor.

The combination of everything, the air, the dirt, the pain in my shoulder, the sounds, the fact that I was being paid every day to do this testing. It just struck me as bizarre. It was like being a kid again crossing the Wisconsin River on the way to church and being struck by the fact that I exist, that anything exists.

Is this some religious epiphany for me? I don't think so.

This most likely doesn't make sense, but I find it weird that anything exists. Why should it? It's either a profound and deep statement, or just retarded. I can 't really make any more sense of it than that.

Next on my mind is how people you used to know are, and how they got there.

My sister's boyfriend in high school was cool as shit. He introduced me to Phish, took me rollerblading when I was just learning and just was awesome. I have these memories of him just being one of the coolest people I knew at the time. So I befriend him on facebook, and I find out he's a dirty Republican. (And I say that with love Steve.)

He makes all these comments on his status about personal responsibility, and staying the course, and blah, blah, blah, and his photo is some anti-Obama thing.

I understand how most people become who they are. They usually just reflect their parents and the towns they grew up in. So Wis Rapids is what it is and it wouldn't suprise me that it pumps out a high percentage of Republicans. Yeah, it's got working people with Unions, but it still is what it is.

How does one go from being a seamingly artistic hippy all around awesome guy to a Republican artist?

Is it the same way I went from King of the Dorks (or at least a high ranking Dork Official) to a heavily tattooed Liberal engineer? (Who is still a dork waiting to buy Guitar Hero at midnight on it's release date.)

I don't know. People change. Certain underlying personality traits might not, but everything else can and does.

I just hate it when new shit that comes to light about people you know tarnishes those old memories you have of them.

Where is Lawryde

2008-10-09T22:17:00.004-05:00

My lack of posting isn't because I've secretly met another group of people who read the boring crap that happens in my life. I wouldn't treat you like that, I swear.

No, I've just kind of been busy following our downward spiral into financial anarchy, posting on the Attachment Parenting of Peoria message board (I guess I may be cheating on you a bit), saving the world one hydraulic system at a time at work, starting to believe that maybe the American dream and the amazing thing that is America may actually happen if/when Obama is elected president, planning my sweet ass Halloween costume, getting excited for Guitar Hero 4 coming out, and perhaps the most important and time consuming thing, growing my hair out. I'm hoping to get here:

Then here:

Having a kick ass sweatband collection is my main draw to having long hair.

and finally perhaps here:

Don't think I'd end up gong that long, but the burning heart thing is cool.

I don't know...

2008-09-30T22:10:00.002-05:00

It's your life, you don't know how long it's going to be, but you know it's got a bad ending. You have to move forward, as soon as you can figure out what that is.

edit: corrected the quote to be what it really was.

Dear United States Government

2008-09-21T08:57:00.003-05:00

While you are working so hard over the weekend, I would like to propose a rider, or amendment, or whatever the hell it's called (I guess I didn't pay attention in ninth grade government class... sorry Mr. Topp) to the 700 BILLION dollar bailout of all these greedy banks and insurance companies. I would like you to add an extra .00000214% to that and give me like 150,000 dollars.

The money would be spent to pay off the $105,000 remaining on my mortgage which we can pretend is sub-prime and is destroying the economy.

The remaining $45,000 will be used to pay off credit card debt, student loans, and my car loans which we can pretend were predatory in nature and are destroying the economy.

The result will be an extra $2150 I can pump into the economy every month. So in less than 6 years you'll have all that money circulating back into the economy. Won't that be awesome.

Gee you guys and galls are swell.

So I'll just wait for that check, and remember it's Lawryde with a y not an i. We wouldn't want to have any difficulty at the bank would we?

Wake Up

2008-09-16T10:45:00.001-05:00

For whatever reason I haven’t posted in a while.

Nothing super interesting has been going on.

We’ve gotten over 3 times the average rainfall this month due to the two hurricanes coming here to die. Our basement smells dank now even with the humidifier running 24/7. This could have also been caused by my attempt to clean out the vent pipe for our pluming drain. The internets told me to flush it out with a garden hose, the internets didn’t tell me that this was a bad idea if you have galvanized vent pipe rather than PVC. It ended up leaking at the joints in the walls which resulted in water leaking through my kitchen sealing and all over my wife’s sewing room in the basement. Not the brightest thing I’ve ever done in my life.

All the rain showed that we have some leaks in the flashing around my second furnace chimney. This weekend we should be all dried out and I’ll try to seal it up with that black roof stuff and some caulk on the inside.

I was also stupid this month in the fact that I forgot to subtract our $320 car payment at the beginning of the month. It was strange why we had so much more money than I thought we did. I’m glad I caught it before I spent it.

I guess I need to stop eating so much crap and start eating more brain food. My critical thinking is on a downward spiral.

I’ve got this terrible feeling with like 49 days until the election, that people are going to be fully distracted from the issues with all the Palin garbage and Mccain is going to end up winning. All the young kids won’t show up like they always end up doing, and all the closet racists will show up. I’m hoping the debates will shift the focus where they need to be and people will wake up.

Yup, wake up.

WAKE UP!

Or Maybe

2008-09-02T10:21:00.001-05:00

I took a half day vacation on Friday, not to vacation as it were.

I was asked to help one of my wife’s friends move out of her house. She was moving out because she is getting divorced.

They needed people to help move the heavy shit. Myself and her dad were the only two dudes. It wasn’t all that bad. We had to move her out while her husband was a work. It was depressing on a number of levels, moving all this stuff out looking at all the smiling faces on the walls.

My wife is friends with 5 women who are going through divorces or separations right now. Crazy shit. I guess probability wise; it goes death, taxes, and then divorce.

Don’t Let Apathy Police the Populace

2008-08-22T08:44:00.001-05:00

Played some rat hockey last night since the season is over and I need to keep playing so I don’t get soft before Winter league.

Local politics in Illinois are like this. You have Chicago, and the rest of the state. The rest of the state hates Chicago. Anything that goes wrong, or is wrong is Chicago’s fault. Governor Blagojevich is evil, and he just panders to Chicago. If it rains out, it’s those bastards in Chicago trying to ruin all the hard working people in the rest of the state’s day.

I’ll use the same line that rednecks use. If you don’t like it, then get the fuck out! This is how a Democracy works. Majority rules. Chicago has a bunch of fucking people that generate a bunch of tax money, and they have big complex problems that need to be dealt with. Quit your bitching, that’s Democracy.

Anyway, I’m changing before rat and these dudes are talking about hunting and licenses and whatever. One of them says something like maybe a crazy hunter will go up and pop Blagojevich. Then this other bag of hammers says, yeah, and maybe they’ll get Obama too. Then genius three chimes in that Oh, man if Obama wins I’m going to live in Canada. It would be sweet, hockey and free health care.

Ignorance is a wonderful thing isn’t it?

This box of rocks thinks free health care is a good thing, but doesn’t want Obama to be president. People are so stupid.

If I had big brass balls like Steve and I would have told these wastes of space what was up.

Rise, Together We Rise, Together We Rise

2008-08-21T14:05:00.001-05:00

Yesterday a buddy of mine from work and I went to Chicago to see the Flobots at the House of Blues.

The show was at 6:00. We both took half days and headed up at 1:00.

First we had to drop off like 5 gallons of frozen breast milk to a woman from Detroit.

Seriously, you can’t make shit like that up.

Somehow this woman got in contact with my wife and a bunch of women from Peoria donated the milk for this woman and her baby. The plan was to do it at a Burger King in McKinley Park, but when we got there around 4:00 she was heading East on 90/94 which was out of the city during afternoon rush hour. We told her to head towards downtown since she was never going to make it to us in time.

We managed to get her the milk and found a place to park near the HOB. We grabbed some bar food and this nice little hole in the wall bar.

We got in and found a place to stand about 15 min before the first opening band came on. The HOB is a cool venue. It was pretty small, I think I read it held 1000 people. We ended up like 15 feet from the stage.

Redneck Poets (or something like that) were OK. They were 3 MC’s and a DJ. Nothing incredible, but cool. They did some spoken word poetry a’La Def Comedy Jam.

People Under the Stairs came on next. They were fucking awesome. Two MC’s from LA. They were full of energy and got everyone worked up. I’m going to have to check out more of their stuff. It was pretty awesome.

The Flobots came on a little after 8:00. They also put on an incredible show. This is the smallest venue I’ve ever been to for a concert, and it was cool being that close to the band. The played pretty much everything off their current album and threw in a few I didn’t know which I assume are from Platypus. They saved Handlebars and Rise to the end of the show. After the little instrumental solo in Handlebars and the lyrics kick back in everyone was going nuts. For an encore their Viola player took the mic and covered Heartbreaker. She rocked it out. The show got over at about 9:30. It was one of the best shows I’ve ever been to.

I got home at around 12:45 AM. It was a good time. I’d never been to a hip-hop show. It was cool.

Lawryde Gets Ejected

2008-08-18T15:47:00.001-05:00

For the first time in four years of playing, I got ejected from a hockey game. Of all the shit I’ve ever done in games before, this was the most benign thing to get ejected for. I didn’t have bloody knuckles afterwards. I didn’t learn something about myself by being in a fight.

Here’s how it went down. We were playing a team of young kids (16-20 year olds) who had a cheering section of their moms and dads. These were your spoiled hockey kids who think the world owes them something. They’re way too cool for chin straps. They’re also fast as hell.

We weren’t playing well. I wasn’t playing well. Their speed exploited all the faults I have coming up from C-league and only playing 8 B-league games. It was my poor defense that lead to 3 breakaway goals.

Near the end of the second period, my D partner JJ, who played Canadian Juniors when he was 15 and is fucking phenomenal, road this jackass kid with a nice knit jersey with a big captain C on the shoulder into the boards and knocked the puck away from him. It was a clean play. Kid got all pissed off that someone schooled him. He threw his hands up and knocked his own helmet off. (That’s what chin straps are for kids!)

Kid wants to fight JJ. Dumb move against JJ who would have destroyed this kid in a fight. Kid takes two gloved swings at JJ and hits his cage once. Why would you try and swing at a guy with a cage on? At this point I’m pissed at this kid because in our league, to fight is to throw a punch. I take it upon myself to pin this kid up against the board with my right fist against his shoulder. My mistake was that my stick was in that hand as well. It probably looked bad from the back, where the fat stupid ref was. I told him the kid to stay the fuck off JJ and held him there until someone pulled me off him.

Stupid fat ref tells both the kid and JJ to go to the box. Kids dad is shouting about how I should be ejected for pinning his son to the boards, essentially breaking up the fight. Goalie Mike tells the kids dad to shut the fuck up, he’s not on the ice.

Stupid fat ref tells me I’m gone for being the third man. What the fuck? I break a potential blood bath on this kid if JJ is unleashed, and I get ejected? Bullshit. Kid should have been ejected and suspended for throwing two punches. I hate this ref from past experience, but I just leave the ice because it’s not worth it.

Kid’s dad is still talking shit as I walk to the locker room. I tell him to shut the fuck up. He says some bullshit about how my friend would have needed the help. I told him I saved his kid from drinking from a straw for a while and to go fuck himself. He had some bad tattoos and was like 40 or so. As I got closer to him he realized I’m about 6’6” on skates and he started to shut up.

I showered and walked past him again as I left. I gave him a wink and a kiss as I passed, tattoos blaring: Please say something so I can explode on you. He said have a good evening with a shit eating grin. I growled the same back to him.

I went out for some drinks with some of my teammates, and we just laughed about it. It was just a bizarre situation. I guess it’s Karma for all the times I probably should have been ejected playing in C-League.

Only Women and Young Boys Don't Have Facial Hair

2008-08-16T22:32:00.003-05:00

I just got done watching Speedo, Wheaties, and every other American companies golden boy get his eighth gold metal. Did you know he got 1 Million dollars from Speedo for matching Spitz?

My question though is this: Could Phelps have done it with a sexy 70's stash like Spitz had?

Hell, Spitz didn't even wear goggles or a swim cap. Spitz didn't have 1 million bucks on the line. I'm sure he knew he'd make some endorsement deals with all his golds, but most likely not a big carrot like that in front of him.

Spitz was faster than his competition, enough so that he could have a big 70's mustache and still beat them. Had Phelps had that extra drag he would have lost the 100 Fly he won by .01 seconds.

I'm just not a big fan of media darlings in sports. Phelps is a great athlete, but quit telling me so, and no, I don't want to buy a red, white and blue Speedo with Phelps written across the ass.

Expiration Date 08-08

2008-08-11T10:53:00.002-05:00

It seems as though everything I own is hitting its expiration date, my dog, my DVD/VCR combo, my stereo, my water heater, and my outdoor water spigot.

Friday I got the part to fix my water heater. Apparently Whirlpool flamelock water heaters are pieces of crap with a faulty design in the thermocouple. It went bad a couple years ago and we had it replaced, but it started acting up again. I called this warranty number and they sent me a free replacement for the front burner assembly. I still had to pay for shipping and if I was the kind of intelligent person who has no real world skills I would have had to pay for someone to swap it out for me. Luckily I rule first period gym class, and have the ability to do dangerous natural gas burner swaps. It wasn’t too bad of a job. I unhooked the old one from the main gas valve and cleaned out the inside of the combustion chamber, swapped the main burner onto the new assembly and then hooked everything back up. I relit it and the pilot tube was leaking a bit so I tightened that up, same was true about the main burner line, but I didn’t have it seating in the valve quite right. After I got the leaks taken care of it seemed to be functioning correctly. It took about an hour, and we still have hot water so I guess that fixes the problem.

Total cost: $11 +1 hour of $100/hr billable engineering time. I guess I won’t charge myself though.

On Sunday my decade old stereo broke, and I have no idea how to fix that so it’s just another piece of electronics I need to buy. The list is now, TV/DVD player combo, DVD player, Stereo. I’m considering going on a mad spending spree and throwing all of them onto my 0% interest credit card and paying them off next April when I get my bonus.

Then, when I was playing outside with the boys, I noticed that my outdoor water spigot was dripping even though it was “turned off”. Fucking needle valves suck my balls. Spend the money and put ball valves in, they don’t have packing nuts that fail. Luckily amateur plumbing runs in my veins. The only problem is that the inside shutoff for the outside spigot also doesn’t work, it’s also a needle valve. So we go further back and we get to the main shutoff, also a needle valve, also kind of scares me every time I have to shut it off. Really all three have bad packing nuts and I wasn’t up for shutting off the water at the street and replacing all of them. I would need some sort of moral support to do that kind of major surgery.

Since I get paid to come up with clever solutions to complex problems, the solution presented itself to me after I decided not fuck with the main shutoff. I ran to Lowes with Mr. Oz while Carter took a nap. I grabbed one of those dual spout brass valves with the ball valve shutoffs and a bag of hose seals. I made the female cashier’s uterus ache as we left because my wife and I have the talent of making cute babies. I crossed my fingers and screwed the new valve over the old shitty valve. It didn’t leak. I don’t know if it will last when everything freezes, it wasn’t a freeze proof spigot to begin with, which was most likely the problem. The freezing and thawing destroyed the packing nut.

Total Cost: $9

So I spent like $20, and because I didn’t have to call a plumber I saved like $400. Maybe I can consider that and buy all the electronics shit that has crapped out on me.

Just like Old Yeller and Of Mice and Men

2008-08-02T23:06:00.003-05:00

We had to put Skitch down today. Over the past couple days he stopped eating, became lethargic, and lost that spunk and life in his eyes.

He then suffered the indignity of not being able to make it outside before he had to crap.

They always say that you know when it’s time to put your dog down, but you don’t really understand that statement until the moment arrives.

When we took him to the vet, he explained that he was in congestive heart failure. (He’d been diagnosed with heart problems a few years earlier and had outlived the vet’s estimates of how much longer he had.) Fluid was building in his lungs and stomach, and he was using all his energy just to breathe. That’s why he wasn’t eating, and that’s why he was so lethargic.

We knew he was beyond repair so the vet got him set up with an IV and let us say goodbye to him.

We wanted to be there when he was given the overdose of meds. I didn’t realize how hard that would be. I held him and pet him as the vet put the needle in. It was surreal as the tears welled up in my eyes. For a second I wanted to tell him to stop, but I knew this was the right thing to do.

I’ve seen dead family members, witnessed a tissue harvest at a hospital, killed wild animals and bugs, but nothing was quite like holding onto Skitch as he died. Feeling his heart stop and his lungs stop as his body slumped down like he was taking a nap was tragic.

The vet gave us some time, and I just broke down over his little body.

He was a good dog. He lived a long life, 15 or 16 years by the estimates of how old he was when we adopted him.

I’m going to miss him.

No more coughing buddy, No more pain.

I am a Bad Mother Fucking Hockey Player... in that good way.

2008-07-31T20:11:00.001-05:00

Doubleheader Sunday

2008-07-28T07:40:00.004-05:00

I decided to take on two hockey games in a row yesterday. My buddy Mike was skating a tournament so I skated his C-League game which was right before my B-League game.

The C game was with my old team. I knew several of the dudes. We had a short bench with only 3 subs. I didn’t want to kill myself during this game so I’d be drained for the more difficult skate coming up.

When the game started it was so slow. After playing in four B games and skating with the Bradley players at Rat this was like everything was in slow motion. Whenever I was on the ice, I controlled the flow of the game. I was the guy who I was pissed off at just a year before when teams would have these guys that just demoralized you. I scored one goal and otherwise just passed the puck and tried to conserve energy for game 2. I still made some plays where their bench just moaned because any normal C-league player would flub it or loose the puck.

I am no longer a C-league player.

Game two was against a combination of two of the Winter A-league teams. In the summer there aren’t enough people for an A-league so they just play with all the B teams. It was an ass whipping. I went from one extreme to the other. These guys are all ex-collegiate, ex-junior, ex-playing all your life guys. Quick hands, explosive speed, perfect positioning. Full of class too. They were winning like 9-5 with 1:30 left and they pulled their goalie.

Come one.

Show some fucking class and maturity.

I wasn’t sure if I’d make it through both games. I know that bowflex guy says that you can be 40 and be in the best shape of your life and be in a band, but he was only playing beach volleyball to show off his man tits, not playing hockey against 18 year olds. (Damn you Youtube, I can’t find that commercial!!!) I can’t imagine I have all that many more years of high caliber physical play left in me. In three years I’ll be 30 and it will be all downhill from there.

When I got home I ate a bunch of guacamole and all but two pieces of a stuffed crust frozen pizza. I needed to get back all the calories I burned after 3 hours of ice time. When I went to sleep I kept waking up every couple hours. I could not get cool. My body was just metabolizing and reconstructing and getting warm. I felt pretty good this morning even with the poor sleep and aching muscles.

The Last Unicorn

2008-07-25T10:54:00.002-05:00

As frustrated as I can get with Opposite of Dog, it’s a pretty sweet job.

We are the last great American engineering and manufacturing company.

We are making assloads of money, While everyone else is loosing money.

Harley Davidson is another American manufacturing success, but they’ve survived because of a legacy and cult following, not necessarily on the merits of their product.

People buy our shit because it’s better than everyone else’s, and we stand by it. 100 Chinese can’t make a D6 in a garage that is better than the original.

I was watching CNN a few days ago and they said that “top performers” at companies were getting an average of 4.7% raises in this tight economy. I got above that with a slightly above average performance. Our top performers get more than double that raise.

I’ve questioned myself if it was the right decision to work for this company, but the way things are right now for most people, it was a pretty good call.

Lawryde Improves

2008-07-17T08:27:00.003-05:00

I attempted to Hypermile for two days to and from work to see how fuel efficient I could drive my manual transmission 2007 Elantra.

The key to hypermiling is to have a good CD you want to listen to so you’re not bored with all the extra time it’s going to take you or embarrassed by all the people who pass you. Basically you drive how old people fuck. The goal is to keep moving at all times and have the engine RPM as low as possible. This means getting into 5th gear as quickly as possible and using the cruise control whenever possible.

My round trip is about 20 miles. I travel through the city with stop and go driving onto a state highway that is 55 and then onto a country back road which is 40. The EPA lists my vehicle at 28/36.

The Elantra has a running average MPG calculator. I was able to get 37.6, 36.1, 36.7, and 36.3 as measured work to home, home to work and the same the second day. That’s pretty fucking good. I did better than the EPA estimate which is basically a rating that is given at 55 mph without getting the vehicle up to speed. Did it really make a difference? It isn’t particularly fun to drive that way, and it takes longer to get everywhere. I think I normally get around 28 on my trip to and from work. So in those two trips I burned 1.11 gallons of gas. It cost me about $4.52 based on the price of light sweet crude. If I had driven the way I normally do I would have burned 1.43 gallons of gas spent about $5.81. So if there are 260 work days in a year I’d save around $168 assuming I could drive like that in the winter. Maybe if the cost of gas doubles it would become more worth it, but until then I’ll drive how I normally do.

I’ve been playing hockey twice a week to try and improve my game and my hands. Based on my performance last night at rat hockey it seems to be working. I had a goal and two assists. The Bradley hockey players are actually passing me the puck and telling me I’m doing a good job. I understand the dynamics of the game and where I should be better now too. It was a good skate and I feel pretty good about how I’m progressing. I feel old now though that I can make the excuse that I can’t play as well some of the dudes on the ice because I’m 10 years older than they are. I think I had more points though than these two high school kids who came out to skate. They were quick and got a bunch of shots, but they just weren’t patient enough, too much semen backed-up in their brains.

And I leave you with that eloquence.

The Thin Red Line

2008-07-14T12:19:00.002-05:00

I usually try and play it cool at work. I’m a jackass on the internet, I’m not a very good person in general, but I need to have some level of civility at work so that I can pay my mortgage since I’m not a massive mortgage lender and the government won’t bail me out if I can’t pay. I’m just fucked.

But still, shit tends to happen because I work around dudes who are willing to cross that professional line to get their point across. You may remember this incident from two years ago.

I’ve been at the sandbox for one year now. I’ve tried to keep people happy. There are a lot of different groups of people that all interact together in a precarious truce that could be broken at any moment.

I broke that truce last Friday. I went into the field, with a non-Union operator and took data right before a thunderstorm without telling the operations supervisor. Woops. As the storm was rolling in, I called the operations supervisor and asked him if I could stay out, since I was in a covered building.

He asked me what I was doing out there. I told him I was taking data with this demonstration operator.

Boom. He flipped his shit. What I didn’t know was the politics behind the sandbox operators not liking the demonstration operators. I got an earful of how what I was doing was wrong, and how I needed to get the shit back to base and set up a meeting between him and my direct supervisor. I was a bit pissed off. I don’t need to be berated on the phone. We’re all fucking professionals working for a Fortune 50 company. Lets act like it.

I set up the meeting and left at 2 in the afternoon. I had come in at 5:45 AM so I was done. It really kind of messed up my weekend thinking about how I was going to handle this, and what was going to be done as a result of it.

As I talked with some people this morning I felt a bit better. It didn’t seem like that big of a deal to most people.

We had our meeting at ten. The weekend allowed the supervisor to calm down a bit. I stated my position, he stated his, and we came to an agreement on the demonstration operator evaluating my dozer.

He was getting pressure from the Union, that’s why he was pissed. I was making an awkward situation for him. So now, to give Unions a bad name, I can run with the demonstration operator while a Union operator stands and watches. Nice.

Whatever though, I’ll play ball. I just want to develop a good dozer implement system.

Starting at Left Defense, Lawryde

2008-07-07T09:16:00.000-05:00

Yeah, I’m awesome. I’ve gone from a marginally talented C-league player to starting left defenseman for a 2-0 A/B-league team. OK, so maybe it’s just because no one else on the team wants to play defense and we were kind of short since it was a holiday weekend. The two sweetest words in the English language: De Fault.

Because, I’m awesome.

I am gaining some confidence, albeit misplaced and not always warranted. My game is improving. I think I was +2 or +3 for the game. We won 8-5. I really like my new stick and wood blade. It’s got some meat to it with the wood blade, but still has some nice whip with the composite shaft. I’ve got a nice long reach for the poke check.

We went to the Peoria fireworks on Friday. We’d never gone before since Carter was too little. We met some friends on the East Peoria side of the river. The display was pretty good. Carter liked it. I had some earplugs for him so the noise didn’t freak him out. He generally doesn’t like loud things. One of the plugs fell out during the grand finale and he started to cry. I got the plug back in quick and he instantly stopped. He was clapping and pointed throughout. Oz was not happy. He had been asleep for like an hour prior to them starting and then he cried for most of the rest. At the end one of our friends managed to loose one of their children in the crowd rushing out. Everyone kind of fanned out to look for the lost kid. Apparently someone found him and dropped him off at the lost children center. When the mother came back with the kid and the husband saw them and then hugged and he grabbed the kid’s head and kissed it, it was fucking poetic. I wish I had my camera ready. That was pure emotion and relief and love.

I Love Spending $1230

2008-07-03T13:57:00.000-05:00

We got our new furnace installed yesterday. It took the dudes about 4 hours and it cost $1230. Not bad considering the next lowest quote was over two grand. This was just a company of two guys, lower overhead since they do all the work quoting, buying, accounting, installing, etc. They did a nice job. The installation is clean and professional.

The unit is so much smaller than our old one. It’s also a quiet. When the old one would turn on there was this huge noise and the lights upstairs would dim since they were on the same circuit. Then it was noisy while it was running. This one you can’t really even tell unless it’s dead quite in the house. We should see a pretty nice reduction in our gas and electric bill. We’re going from 50% efficient to 80% efficient, no pilot light, and no huge electric motor to spin up. Maybe it will be enough to combat the rising energy prices and we’ll just be a wash.

I need to buy some foil tape and go around and get our ductwork sealed up better. I was feeling around and pretty leaky.

I played some rat hockey last night. I wanted some time to get used to a new stick and blade I got. It’s a Warrior Dolomite shaft and a wood Fury blade with a Sakic curve. It’s pretty close to the Drury curve I like on my Mission stick. I cut a new end plug for it to the “correct length” (stick goes up to your chin when you have your skates on). This was a bit longer than what my Mission stick is so it felt kind of awkward. By the end of rat I felt more comfortable with the stick. I really like the wood blade with the composite shaft. I can take a pass better and it’s a bit beefier than the Mission blade.

We have another game on Sunday. I’m guessing attendance will be a bit on the slim side with the holiday weekend. I need to try and be a bit more confident on the ice. I kind of have that new to hockey mentality in this upper league that as soon as I get the puck I need to get rid of it. I just need to have some balls and skate with it a bit and look for the right play.

Holy Balls, This is Hockey

2008-06-30T06:12:00.003-05:00

Interesting weekend. On Friday I was sick, must have had some bad shellfish ;)

The the old girl finally kicked the bucket. I've been waiting for our 35+ year old furnace and blower unit to die. I knew it was just a matter of time. That shit just isn't engineered to last that long. I was sitting using the computer upstairs. The unit kicked on and I heard what I can only describe as what it would be like if you threw a kitchen knife into big steel fan spinning. That nice sound of shearing metal and the clanging aftermath of it bouncing around against other metal.

Then, just like an unbalanced load of laundry the bastard started to shake bad. I ran downstairs and shut it down. Sure enough, one of the blades of the fan sheared right off. Of all the failure modes this one was the about the best at the best time of year. The heat exchanger could have cracked when it was -20 outside and started to poison us.

This way I get to shop around for a new one at a more leisurely pace. I found some guys through some friends who will do it for a good price. Luckily it's been like 75 all weekend so we haven't needed the AC at all.

Here are some death photos.

Then on Sunday it was my first B-League hockey game. Holy Shit! I thought I was playing hockey before with my buddies on the frozen fields, and then here in Peoria in C-League. Nope. I was playing something that used the same equipment and followed the same basic rules.

What I played last night was this explosive high powered game where you need to give every bit of energy you have for the 1:30 or so you're on the ice. I didn't really understand what anaerobic meant until last night.

The league is actually an A/B league because in the summer there aren't enough A-Leaguers to form a full league. So I'm skating against dudes who have played some college or some juniors or other very high caliber players. It was fun. I'm on a good team, and we won 10-8. I made some good defensive plays.

I made some "how the fuck is this guy even on skates" plays. The most memorable was being on the blue line and side-stepping and falling with no one near me. You've got to watch out for that blue line, it trips you sometimes. I broke a stick blade right at the hosel.

It was fun though. I like not being one of the better players and having the pressure to try and make something happen My job is to concentrate on not fucking up and just making basic quality passes and try and be in good position. Hopefully by the end of this summer I'll be at that point.